This is a dream.
I sit, I aspire, I wonder,
Caught in the claws
Of ambition
Unquenched.
Stuck between metaphor and definition;
Unsure of whether to follow
The uninhibited skies
Or the well trod paths
Of certainty.
Is this
The poetic journey?
I'll only touch the stars
If you're there beside me.
But I have
To quest beyond you
And your ocean eyes.
Have to say what you feel
But cannot put to words.
Is this verbal elaboration
Written in Orion's Belt?
Mayhap these mishaps
Were laid out for us.
We can't mimick shadow
With heavy tones.
Light is more
Than rays and beams.
We try, and cry,
To accomplish impossibilities.
That is our mission,
And our mission is the bane of itself.
Constantly searching.
For what?
I'm sitting on the sky,
Sturdy.
Not falling till I see what's beneath.
Property of Miss Splenda
Author notes
Oh, Mary, I hope I haven't disappointed you! As of late I've been fighting off Writer's Block and haven't recovered yet. Your contest was very tempting, though, and as I was so honoured to be on the invite list, I couldn't help but enter, even though I am no longer active in posting here on AP. Thank-you for a wonderful contest and such an inspiring pic!
A contest entry
- Let the Picture Inspire... by Mad Moon.
525 points, ended February 17, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive criticism is very welcome
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I read your poem, then checked out the graphic you were given to write from... I was not disappointed! this was well worth the effort of reading.
Your second stanza speaks volumes... writer's block, surely not!!!!!! you are a very mature writer for your age, you can be most proud of what you have written here. I like how you have posed a question in a couple of places in your poem, that draws your reader into the core of your write, almost as if they are sitting right beside you facing your questioning.
Your concluding stanza is a strong one, I can see the steel glint in your eye as you make that particular statement.
Bravo!!!!
~Katie~
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Thank-you!
I appreciate it!
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AMAZING!!!!
ok, I read your profile first and it says you're 12... tell me you just forget to change your age, because if you are actually only 12, then I'm very dissapointed in myself.... This was amazing!!! I love the imagery, and... wow... that's all I can say... WOW!!!
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Beautiful, dahlink... muy bonito, mi amiga. I really enjoyed it. I think it's rather outstanding, a twelve-year-old girl coming up with stuff like this. I wish you were on more so that you could enter my contests- you would win, but you're leagues better than a lot of what I see on AP. You could definitely get your hands on a scholatship for poetry, because it seems to be your cup of tea, so to say. You can enter contests, too, but only good ones so there won't be idiots to not get it- it's very good and I wish you the best of luck with it, even if you don't do it for the rest of your life.
Peace, love, and greasy noses,
Katey
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HA! NOSE GREASE! Ohhh such fun times.
Thank-you so much Katey! I love poetry and would be lost without it, so it's a blessing to know there are people who like it!
HOPE TO SEE YOU THIS SUMMER!
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This is a very lovely interpretation of the picture. I love, "stuck between metaphor and definition"! What a scary place for a poet to be sitting
Well done and good luck in the contest.
~Lyrical
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I like "stuck between metaphor and definition".
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My Girl, you haven't disappointed me in the least. Your language in this is stellar. The metaphors are excellent. I LOVE the first stanza..."caught in the claws of ambition..." And they just keep coming! Well done, my friend! Some of the best I've seen from you. Thanks for the wonderful entry, and good luck!
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Why, thank-you! I'm so happy you liked it, Mary. I'm sure you'll be getting a lot of entries as your contest was such an appealing one- for your sake I hope the flow isn't too overwhelming! Good luck, and thanks again for the opportunity!
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This is a beautiful piece of work and so many great lines... I read it several times, the breaks are perfect for thought and visual. The opening draws you right in... Very well done and I wish you all the best in the contest.... Have a great day poet, this was an absolute pleasure to read. Annie
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Thank-you very much, I'm glad you liked it
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This is beautiful!
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Thanks Ker
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I loved your poem, and I HATE writers block, well good lick in that contest.
~Alissa~
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Thank-you!!
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Damn, I hate writer's block. Yeah, I haven't noticed your lovely poetry lately...well now I know why.
This poem was pretty good, not exactly your best, but it does have a hint of your greatness. -
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Thank-you. Yeah, grrrr. It bothers me so much. I just want that feeling of filling up a page again, you know? And having it come NATURALLY. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do that anymore. But yeah, thanks
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