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Each Sigh





She made dying look easy.
With a hundred hail marys
choking her throat
a thousand ways to say goodbye
etched into her eye-
lids until her blood
ran more iced milk
than mammalian warm--

every time she spoke
epitaphs
every time she sang
mourning doves
sat upon her tongue

& each blink scratched
meaning into tears
& each sigh was merely
a release of duty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

something I was working on when I recieved the link for the contest... so I posted. This will be will be worked on. Or nixed. One or the other...

A contest entry

it's rough, I know

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • -ButterflyCuts-
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ah! you confused me..

    I was going to try catch up on my commmenting, but I think actually I will be better once i've been to sleep so i will have to come back k..


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    oh, i wouldnt nix this one, pls no

    & each blink scratched
    meaning into tears
    & each sigh was merely
    a release of duty.

    these last lines perfectly summarize the preceding goregeousness, and at last two lines, reckoning, redemption. when i read your poetry i know what i want to be someday, and even though i never will, it will not be because i didn't read the great poets, it will be because it doesnt matter after reading poems like this. it really doesn't. i am sated, happy and set free by your words. (sigh) ,,,Danni


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    February 6, 2007

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    Excellent

    I really liked this poem alot. I loved the way you worded this poem and how the flow really went well. you always writye with such a powerful smooth way and I always loved that about your poetic talent. every poem you penn seem to have such a deep hidden meaning! I'll alays admire that about you and keep on penning such beautiful poetry that you always do. Sincerely, Paul


  • kellih3
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    =]

    I wish that I could have the talent that you do in describing things with just a few short lines. Its a really great way to express yourself.
    This is a great write. =]
    I agree with Zayra, this poem is a winner.


  • LadyLavender gold member
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I'm not going to sigh!

    Profound. i felt exhausted a the end..Emotionally jarring, but-oh-so...Brilliant! Love It!


  • bw43
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    liked it


  • Heart Sutra
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This poem is a winner.

  • Heart Sutra
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I was moved by this. You have a brilliant work of art here my dear.


  • Cherokee
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nix it and I'll punch your nose!


  • Night Hope gold member
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "every time she spoke
    epitaphs
    every time she sang
    mourning doves
    sat upon her tongue"

    Sighhh...Mournfully exquisite penning, my Friend...Beautiful descriptive techniques utilized...Original, immaculate imagery...Good luck in the contest, Sweetie... Wanda

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Whoa,ok first I played find the poem,you tease by aligning to the right,it's ok with me,I found it!
    Am kinda wondering if the very last "&" had previously been considered instead as "as" You have cretainly portrayed a an oceon bed depth of emotion from this poor girl bled dry by her catholic devotion to duty,well penned,liked especially the "mourning doves" as opposed to morning.A pleasure to read


  • deadcolor dreams
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Glad to see you could make it, whoever you are. I can only guess. (And probably be wrong.)


    I really like it. I think the alignment actually worked in it's favor, because it's a little jarring, and I'm not used to it- it makes me uncomfortable, but that seems to be the point.

    Here, was the only part I had a problem with...

    than mammalian warm

    because you weren't using large words like that throughout the poem, and this one stuck out far too much to do any good.

    but otherwise, I really loved this.
    Great job, and good luck~

    Lindsay

1 - 16 of 16