When we hug/kiss/sleep
It's like::
you're not a part of it.
your [mascara-stained,broken-down,empty-sorrowed] heart
isn't in it.
Sweetheart,, I know you have it rough.
And I know it's not easy.
[it was never supposed to be easy]
But I Love You.
[why don't you love me back?]
Author notes
makedamnsure
option[3]
So yeah, it's short, and a little shit. But hey, I tried.
A contest entry
- NV Mixed with Hush-Hush Lips by bird-mad girl.
1250 points, ended March 3, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This tugged at my heart.
It made me feel like little fingers were picking at my heart which had somehow become a scab [wow... that sounds cliche]
It left me feeling empty.
Like I was laying next to someone in the same bed but they weren't there. Only their body. In their eyes, you'd be able to see the reflection of thier own world.
It frightened me in a way.
But I love it none the less.
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x
Noise&&Kisses
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awwuhh.this is cuuute, babe!
i loveloveloveit. ♥
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Thanks sweets.
Noise&&Kisses
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The ending for me was ... urgh, let's just say not as good as it could have been. Just seems too obvious or dare I say ... trite. Just the last two lines ... actually, probably more just the last line. I liked the beginning (seems true for SOMEONE I know) but not my favourite by you. I hate to leave this unhappy comment; you're such a talented writer it's driving me crazy to post this. Unfortunately, I like to give my thoughts no matter what they are.
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I know sweets. It's nowhere near my best. Thanks for the honesty =]
Noise&&Kisses
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it is in no way shit, this is really good. i used to feel like this once upon a time, and i dont think i ever expressed myself like you did n_n
~Flying Daggers~
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Aw, thanks sweets. You're awesome =]
Noise&&Kisses
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brutal.
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LoveLoveLovexxx
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