A realization of imploding pain,
It wasn't meant to be in vain
With vision so fettered the eyes dost see
True love indeed hath cared for me
Engulfed in ominous smoke of sorrow
Frightened mortals envision tomorrow
Abandoned in a place of despair
Hearts are shattered, beyond repair
Still love’s perpetual, prevailing dare
Doth show my soul you really care
Anguished in a world so shook
Continually read my charcoaled book
When courage flounders, in depths of fear
And eyes are bathed in streams of tears.
Enduring love hath lent an ear.
Abolished all my desperation
Now find fruition in reprised elation.
Know what you lose and what you gain,
That realization of imploding pain
It wasn’t meant, to be in vain…..
Author notes
For my love Megan.
Written on February 3rd 2007
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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very well done
the realization line is the core around which you built your poem and very nicely done... unless someone asks what it means..how does pain implode? so this is the little mystery of the poem..i like this poem a lot and i read the line to mean something important happened or was about to happen..so this is a writer's choice:
Know what you lose and what you gain,
That realization of imploding pain
It wasn’t meant, to be in vain…..
it has a great poetic sound to it
also when you chose verbs with archaic sound like Doth or dost... consider whether it serves any purpose in the write.
anyway, i think you are a talented writer and these comments are meant to be helpful to encourage you to do more.... regards...PK
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goos stuuf
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Such rhyme! Such beautiful wording! Sir, this was simply amazing! This is the best read I have had all day! It brings back memories of such poets as William Blake and E.E Cummings! Every line made me quiver in expectation of the next, and every stanza made me smile. I love how you brought back a style so rarely seen these days, and how your rhymes came so naturally, instead of being forced. Your word usage was very well done, and your use of imagery was excellent! Great Job!
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Wonderful rhythym and rhyme in these lines - life seems so tragic in these lines - searching for something that one can't seem to find.
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Great Job
I can really feel your desperation in this poem. Desperately holding on to something to decrease the never ending pain called life. Something to live for. Something that makes it worth it. Great job of rhyming and keeping on target.
Well done!
-Creatress-
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This is absolutely precious! The love here invades the heart and blesses the soul. I dare say, your love would cherish the words here. I enjoyed the read. Hope to see more...Smiles, Terry
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Lovely...
Love the lines,
"Abolished all my desperation
Now find fruition in reprised elation.
Know what you lose and what you gain,
That realization of imploding pain
It wasn’t meant, to be in vain….."
Especially the last line, how you trail off for people to think about how it could continue..
Excellent.
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OoOOOOh! Honey bunches, I really really REALLY like this mucho! Every word is ingrained with an intense emotion. Mmm. Brilliant.
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Excellent!!
I love the background that you paired with this poem! This was truly a wonderful read!! Your talent shows through your words, and it was a wonderful way of expressing emotion. Truly a poem to be read again!!
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great usage of words. I liked th line That realization of imploding pain,It wasnt meant, to bre in pain. great write. I felt it in my heart. keep writing. Can you give me feedback on my poem Love of my life.
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