Out on stage, and the lights are low
Starting up pulsing steady and slow
Glad you could turn up for the show!
Now lay back to the frantic solo, yeah
Oh! Freak-out to a timeless daydream, baby
Take a trip to a cosmic space in time
Keep your electric eyes on me, girl!
Never thought I’d see so many people
Smiling and waving and looking so fine
Spinning round, electric lights moving very fast
Through the beating hours of time!
Oh! Freak-out on a space age daydream, baby
Take a trip to a far-out place in time
Just keep your electric eyes on me, girl!
Winding down, the lights grow low
Still buzzing from that space-cadet glow
Floating inside a hazy cosmic tide
Glad you could all take a ride!
A contest entry
- Give it your all by livelife.
450 points, ended February 13, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Love of music by saxophonicwolf.
550 points, ended March 4, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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very good. I loved your choice of words. I felt like I was standing right next to the soloist, floating, suspended in a weightless world where the music is keeping me afloat. great write. goodluck, and thanks for entering!
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Good Job. Good Luck in the Contest!
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Throbbing
"A timeless daydream". I like this concept. The third stanza has a good rhythm to it, probably because of its last line. This poem actually kind of reminds me of something David Bowie would write. Cool. -
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That's the vibe i was aiming at
I was going for that early Soft Machine, 13th floor elevators, Floydian, Ziggy feel. thanks.
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i like the energy in this poem. it also put a real image in my mind when i was reading it.
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a very 'alive' poem, if you know what i mean, it has real feel to it, you have done very well
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Thank you, i'm glad it came alive for you!
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Syd would love this one!
Wow i love this one, very psych!
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Yeah, I was really trying to imagine what it would have been like to play a show like at the UFO club in London when i wrote this one. Glad you liked it. It is after all very hard to write whimsy and psych without sounding cliche or like you are trying too hard.
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the topic is interesting along with the words and imagery used, but I didn't like how the poetic lines changed and seemed to be random with the rhyming....
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Space Age Dream even the title is interesting. Fantacy to take a ride into the electric world. I especially liked the line "floating inside a hazy cosmic ride". Nicely done. Tish
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Very interesting piece here and great imagery. Sounds like a great song as well! Thanks for sharing this!
Jeremy0826 -
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Thanks for stopping at this one to take a think.
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You are very welcome, it's my pleasure!
Jeremy0826
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All in all, very enjoyable. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. Well, done and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
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Thank-you for reading this one, i enjoy your comments.
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I agree that this has a lot of energy. In addition it has rare picures of flourescent fantasy... and both made it an enjoyable read, just when I was thinking tha I couldn't drag myself through another love song.
Good luck in your future works. :-)
Breakdown:
Image: 8.7/10
Emotion: 8/10
Rhyme and flow: 7.3/10
Cohesion: 9/10
Message: 8/10
Teen angst coefficent: 0
Overall: 8.2/10
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Thanks again for the thoughtful critique I very much enjoy your opinion and breakdown of works. again, thanx
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wow very well written. i enjoyed this poem a lot. i am glad that you wrote it. it is very enteresting. well anyway good job on writing this poem and dont ever stop writing poetry.
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Oh wow!
This is great. Lots of energy, lots of imagery. Great job!
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