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Detrimental Improbability

 

 

 

I was in-between a child and a woman.
Stuck in the midst of discovery;
he had already found all he needed.
My playful hands
tugged him

from solemnity and my smile echoed

in the crinkle of his eyes;

For a girl who knew too little
a man who knew too much
& a tale that would end too soon

blossomed, like easter lilies
still licked by snow
we broke through, beyond
and created a new emotion to define us-

I was "beautiful" in a whisper.
His embraces hovered my body,
like inches were replaceable
with longing; I believed I needed
the crush of his stare.
Preserved in the lick of his lips
while his fingers
were monuments
that needed to be revered;

in the dark, when the lights
forget to shine and silence swallows

the sound of my tears

even "beautiful" comes equipped with guilt.

 

 

 

 



 

Author notes

I carry it everywhere, in everything...

mostly in my back pocket, though.

A contest entry

Heartache is forever...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • misselaineous
    October 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    came back for a re-read


  • Heart Sutra
    April 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great imagery and feeling


  • LadyUnique silver member
    February 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    just me back with clappies

  • LadyUnique silver member
    February 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    again...stunning. definitely worthy of gold... platinum if they had it
    earthy, sad, beautiful and all too real.
    i don't have a point to my name or i'd applaud


  • layla.
    February 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    even "beautiful" comes equipped with guilt.>>>>beautiful


  • -ButterflyCuts-
    February 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hehe- this is your Midas touch you know Meli..


  • R S Adams Jr silver member
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    thoughtful, thought provoking

    This is a great flow of words. You have written it well with a peaceful, even vocab., which is easy to listen to and rolls of the tongue.

    I am not sure I understand it all. There is a metaphor here which I cannot quite grasp, so I will re-read it again and again.

    "Beautiful" poem

    Richard


  • misselaineous
    February 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    just snuck by for another glimpse


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Incredible

    This is a blissfully beautifully penned poem here my dear sweet friend. I really loved how you captured every word with detailing and kept the viewers attention and their minds ensnared within your lost little world like poem. Just deeply captivating and very incredible. very well penned and congratulations on Gold because this definitely deserved gold Sincerely, Paul

  • misselaineous
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this poem in my contest - i am honoured that it graces it.
    your opening lines capture a transition, an understanding that there is a difference between child and woman, and the rest of the poem takes the reader on a giddy exploration of the whys and wherefore.
    the illicit nature of a liaison; to the guilt you capture in that last line are all etched on the reader's mind
    A strong contender ...
    thanks
    Elaine


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    February 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lovely piece indeed. I'd say more if I wasn;t freezing. I'm not calling you a feminist poet but I think you write among the very best feminist poetry at AP

  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    February 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Quite a Wonderful Poem!

    Loved the poem and loved every word of it. really loved the flow and the contrast through out the poem. Incredible job all round and kepe up the Grrrrrrrrreat Tigerific work my sweet good friend. Sincerely, Paul

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    February 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    m

  • Rowan gold member
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful; and is absolved from any guilt.
    S4 is brilliant.


  • Heart Sutra
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    .

  • LyricalHeritage
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    amazing beautiful. Moving. Great job. Never stop experimeting as a writer.


  • Ink Shadow
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    There are some beautiful images in this post. I especially liked the last image...would you mind a transpose in S1 L1 :woman and child (instead of child and woman), it will give a better sonic pattern...

    D


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    In Two Minds








    M uch timeless - like the iceberg's tip
    E dges above the common he[a]rd
    L eaving wannabe absurd.
    I n poesy's ambrosial sip,
    N et of fire flies, drip from lip.
    D espite much talent, diction stirred,
    A doubt persists for from framed word
    B rief briefer could from lucky dip
    L ink into brilliant crack of whip
    O n planes impressive, undeterred,
    U nique, span over time unblurred.
    N ow as it stands - though nothing's flip -
    T he coda's detrimental trip
    ME Leaves IN DAze, who'd phrases strip.
    _____
    inches were replaceable with longing;


  • Fire N Ice
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    So beautiful!

    this piece just had me from begining to end
    your words are wonderful,
    the metaphor is fantastic and it leaves the reader with that longing sigh,
    im in awe of your talent, and will be adding you to my favorites,
    i cant wait to read more, simply fantastic


  • SurelyWritten
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lines 7-9, really caught me- And I looove the ending, its a perfect fit..

    Ugh, I've been trying to come up with something for Elaine's contest, but I am not getting very far.

    • Annalise
      February 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Ah. Thank you.

      Yeah, I've been playing around with things to enter since she first posted... 'tis not an easy contest.

  • FindingFate
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Love this, Love this, Love this

1 - 30 of 30