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Forever Lost (Retourne)

 

Once they roamed free across the land

Beauty, grace and wild in numbers

Long flowing manes of silky white

Run wild, run free, forever be.

 

 

 

Beauty, grace and wild in numbers

Freedom here is their brave reward

Innocence was their undoing

Forever gone now from the earth

 

 

 

Long flowing manes of silky white

Golden horn sits upon their head

Legend, forever mystical

Filling the dreams of young children

 

 

 

Run wild, run free, forever be

Enchanting and peaceful in time

Spirit roaming forever lost

Gone forever the unicorn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Retourne form, my first attempt

Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

In a list

My First attempt at this new form. Please leave comment.

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Spiritvision angel
    February 9, 2007

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    Oh! This is beautiful FS. The imagery is awesome with all its mystical beauty.I wish we could see this in real life


  • wolfcub
    February 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A really great first attempt - sounds as though it is written by an experienced retourner! I love the style, and you have definitely done it justice! Great wordings - don't we all just love unicorns?
    Thankyou for entering and good luck in my contest.


  • Molassis
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    For a first attempt, this is quite excellent! FAR better than anything I could come up with for sure!! This is lovely... well written and has a very nice flow to it!

    Well done on this!

    Best wishes to you in this contest!

    ~Melissa


  • Arkbear gold member
    February 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Whoa !!

    Holy Cow Claire ~

    You have just penned the most beautiful poem I have ever read of yours ~

    The storyline/theme, structure, eye apeal, rhythm and flow are just

    flawless and you need to be VERY proud of this Retourne Form ~

    Of course, this first stanza set the magical tone>>>

    Once they roamed free across the land

    Beauty, grace and wild in numbers

    Long flowing manes of silky white

    Run wild, run free, forever be. ~

    Standing ovation for you my Friend ~

    Bear ~


  • peperminty889
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    coolio!

    this is a great fantasy peice! it makes me think about wut would happen if the world was carelessly free, and didnt have to worry about anything but being themselves.
    ~molly***


  • PerfectImperfection
    February 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    a very interesting piece, though it does not seem to fit with any of the options I have given.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Very nicely done. I liked this a great deal and think you have done a fine job with this form. Best of luck in the contest. ~Pam


  • Spiritual Nature
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful and mystical, about the poor lost unicorns. I think you did a good job, but not knowing what a retourne is limits my ability to review this poem.

  • deleteit
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Perfect! Great job at your first attempt! I adore the devotion to unicorns and how you were able to write about them in a way of learning for the reader as well as your devotion to them. I admit that I am skeptical of them ever existing at all but if they did...this is a picture perfect idea of how it would seem that they were! Thank you for entering and the best of luck


  • Kari gold member
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very beautiful. I Really feel like I can relate to unicorns and maybe this is the reason why.
    The best of luck to you in the contest.
    Kari


  • purpledragonfly
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    I love unicorns and your flow was great...
    This a great.
    Good luck in the contest!!!

    DF 40


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have never seen this form...but I caught it right away and you did it wonderfully. The form and the content was awesome. Unicorns are a beautiful fantasy. My daughter loved them as a little girl and had her room full of them. Great job..
    Soulful Woman


  • Minorchar
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Heh, I don't usually like unicorns, but I really liked this. The sadness balanced with hope, and the imagery. Sorry I don't know enough about the form to be helpful in that regard.


  • just-an-amateur
    February 3, 2007

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    I used to love unicorns when I was little. Still do he he, really enjoyed this poem. It's really light and hopeful, but with depth to it. Great job.
    "M"


  • Puppydog gold member
    February 3, 2007

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    LIKE A DREAM!

    This is lovely and dreamy. A unicorn has always been so beautiful to me. They give one a sense of purity, love.


  • apoeticinjustice gold member
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    a very interesting form....I've never attempted one. You've created some beautiful images throughout this piece, especially long flowing manes of silky white. Very nice.
    Rory


  • grannyeri gold member
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is another different form I have not used, but I enjoyed your write here and might have to try one of these myself. Thanks for the motivation to try one too. Loved the picture and poem you have presented here.


  • W B Burkholder
    February 3, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A nice piece of writing with wonderful graphics
    well done


  • Claudia Incognito
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Eh, unicorns, those were the days, the beauty anf magnificance of those mythical creatures. I liked this, but it's the point that it seems so long ago I believe in Unicorns that makes this hard for me to believe. I love that line, " Run wild, run free, foreve be" ^-^

    -morning

1 - 19 of 19