More then Dead to you; Dead to Me

My mind starts racing as I sober up
I reach for the pills,
they fall into my gut
Escaping this world is all I can think of to do.
Don't you even realize that this is all because of you?
But this time
My hurt has pushed me too far
My vision blurs
My body starts to shake
What is happening to me
I scream
I scream empty screams that fall on no ears
My flesh breaks into a cold sweat
I can feel each bead roll down my back
I can feel my body twist into a ball on the floor
This pain, oh is it worth being high?
I want to say
no its not
But I know it will not keep me from my addiction
its become more than a want
its a need
its something to get me through everyday life
something to subdue the hurt
and the anger
I know that it will kill me soon enough
But I can not help this
You've all done this to me
And I will be dead to you soon,
But more than that,
I'll be dead to myself