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RADIOTHERAPY - with apologies to Rolf Harris

Tie my elbow right back, guys,
Tie my elbow right back!
I can't hold the "position",
'Cause all my muscles are slack!

Raise the pillow a bit, guys,
Raise the pillow a bit -
Just a quarter-inch higher,
Then my shoulders will fit!

Move my hip just a smidgin,
Move my hip just a trice!
OWWW!!!  I'm sorry I yelled, but
Your hands are chilly as ice!

Measure me with the jig, guys,
Measure me with the jig!
Leave no margin for error!
A millimetre's too big!

Swing the gantry around, guys,
Swing the gantry around!
So the beam is on focus,
When the warning bells sound!

Zap the cancer cells dead, guys,
Zap the cancer cells dead!
I'll not cavil nor grumble
If my skin turns itchy and red!

Thank you for your good care, guys,
Thank you for your good care...
And I'd take off my hat to you...
But I'm still regrowing my hair!

Author notes

This goes - as you have probably guessed, to the tune of the Rolf Harris song
"Tie my kangaroo down, sport!"


I wrote this poem as a thank-you to my radiotherapy team, who (in spite of their cold hands!) did a great job... (The doctors then took it - and my three other cancer poems - to circulate among other patients to keep them cheerful!)

For those happily unfamiliar with radiotherapy techniques: a treatment "session" is normally scheduled to last 20 minutes - of which some 15 minutes are spent putting the patient into position - EXACTLY the same position each day.

And loss of hair is a side-effect of the chemotherapy which in many cases precedes the radiotherapy - as well as being a possible side-effect of the radiotherapy itself!

A contest entry

PLease do not feel obliged to comment. And if you do comment, please understand that it may be some time before I get back to yu.

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • reveller silver member
    October 2

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    Bless you

    Hope they zapped those cancer cells well and good, hope you are on the mend!

    Thank-you for this 'lighthearted' poem....very good indeed!

    I am having a moan-up day re: hospital procedures and just posted a poem. I promise to get my sense of humour about it back tommorrow lol


  • moaner
    August 16

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    this was fantastic, even if a pre written poem. That is definetly soemthing to be thankful for! Without the 21st century devise who knows what might have happened or not happened! excellent piece, thanks for entering x


  • hawkeslake gold member
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A great drinking song -- if only we could've! Wonderful, Vera!


  • JustSimplyLissa gold member
    October 8, 2008

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    Totally love this. Hilarity at such a tiresome and i'm sure not so nice a time routine to have to deal with. Astounding sense of humor.


  • Silver Asylum
    September 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Cool

    I liked this poem a lot. I found it almost funny and yet very sad. My grandmother has pancreatic cancer and isn't on chemotherapy anymore because it wasn't really helping, but while she was I remember she wasn't a fan of it. I hope, for whatever reason you were going through radiotherapy, you are better and I wish you much luck

    ~*~Zenity

    ****

    • Vera Rich
      October 10, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment on "Radiotherapy"... Owing to computer problems, I was unable to reply at the time, and am only now catching up...

      Thank you, too, for your good wishes! I saw the medical oncologist three days ago, and he is so pleased with my progress that he does not want to see me again for a whole year... (Though I still have a surgical check-up due in January!)


  • Legend silver member
    September 8, 2008

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    excellent

    Went thorugh all of this with my dear late wife,
    Smiles were always on our lips no matter what the treatment
    This i have to say raised another one
    No doubt its place on the top step of this contest
    Congratulations


  • Rainydaywoman
    August 21, 2008

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    Ha!.. Double Ha!

    I have to say you made my mom giggle with this. Although she hasn't started the Radiation yet, this gives her a little sight into what she is in for! I enjoyed this, and think it is wonderful that your work was circulated around the cancer center. I know I would appreciate a good read while I sit there waiting. Love and light from me to you!


  • ellaelu
    June 7, 2008
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    thank you for entering it.. very interesting.


  • Midnight-Engaged
    September 17, 2007
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    I enjoyed this, especially the ending.


  • XInsanity-FairX
    August 8, 2007
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    this is a great write...i relly like it...good luck in my contest xxx


  • MissStranger
    March 7, 2007
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    Bravo

    I can't believe how can you look back with such humor at all what they have done to youthis was a wonderful piece, on topic and very unexpected!P.S: Don't worry, our team of scientists has spotted the dead cells in stanza 6thank you for entering!


  • Keith
    February 3, 2007
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    All together now...

    Keep up the humour. Nobody's tying you down -let Rolf leave that for the kangaroos. Take care

    • Vera Rich
      February 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      But they HAD to tie my arm back... the physios tried their best to get my shoulder working properly - but it simply would not hold my arm out of the way of the beam!!!

      But - yes, you are right... I do NOT let people tie me down in other senses... except for the usual constraints of trying to meet deadlines.. which I must now do!

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