She stood there, waiting in the darkness, her blonde hair as pale as the full moon. A faint smile played it's way across her lips as her small vampire fangs peeked through the small of her lips. She watched him stumble down the dark alley in a drunken stupor. She had been watching him for several nights,yet he had never noticed her deathly presence. Her eyes flashed a deep crimson color from their normal blue with hunger. She hadn't fed since she stalked him, he was drunk he would never feel a thing.
Drunk, drunk as sin, the tavern owners knew it, and they had told him to leave while he was still able to walk. Out into the cold darkness, that would like nothing better than to swallow him whole, he gave a soft grunt as he started down the alley.
He drank heavily now days. Ever since he had been laid off from his job and his wife had left him, he often found himself with a bottle of whiskey to wash away his sorrows. Why go home to his dirty, unkempt cottage when there was no one there to welcome him home? The days were getting colder, too but he blamed this upon the changing of the seasons.
Twas then she stepped out from the shadows, he stumbled back, not from fear but from the sight of this beautiful woman which now floods his unwavering eyes. Such an exquisite woman.
She smiled, watching his eyes he seemed to sober up somewhat. This she didn't like, this meant the possiblity of him fighting to an invetiable future that holds him. She spoke in a tone soft and alluring, "My name is Tara and I fear I have gotten lost." She was playing coy, hoping to take the edge of this unexpected meeting. She held out her hand to be kissed, a custom in this quaint town.
He had indeed sobered quickly as he looked at her. He stared at her in complete awe, amazed that God would place such a beautiful woman in front of him. He noticed the tone of her alluring voice before finding his voice.
"Tis a beautiful name, Tara, for a beautiful woman such as thee." He kept his eyes on her, not wanting to look away for a split second. "I am Raine. Might I be of service to you and where is it you wish to go, Madam Tara?"
"Just call me Tara please," she smiled softly, and again she spoke. "I am not sure of the name of the boarding house, it's near here I believe." She was lying of course, there was no boarding house in this little village. She dropped her hand back to her side, her eyes looking deeply into his.
He watched her as a smile played across her lips. "There is not a boarding house in this small village,Tara, perhaps you meant The Blue Moon Inn."
She stepped closer as she spoke."Yes, that must be it, could you point me in the right direction?"
He held his breath and s she moved closer he exhaled only to draw another breath with which to speak to her. "Yes I can show you the way. He drew in another breath wanting to breathe in the sight of her. "Perhaps you would like me to walk you there safely."
She nodded slightly, her plan was going better than ever hoped for. "It would be better if you showed me the way, Raine. The night air has grown cold and I fear there are thieves about." She forced herself to shiver slightly wrapping her arms about herself. It was a cold night indeed, but vampires don't notice the cold.
He smiled faintly at her reply, he saw her shiver. He removed his cloak and placed it on her shoulders. "One could catch death out tonight it's so cold, here this will keep you warm." He smiled looking at her again. "It will be my pleasure to walk you to the Inn. Follow me this way, Tara."
Along the way they talked about everything. Raine felt happier than he had in weeks. Tara knew about opera, the arts, antiques, and books. Indeed he was impressed.
Turning the corner of the alley he pointed across the street."There is the Blue Moon Inn.Its been a pleasure to have your company."
Lifting the cloak from her shoulders she smiled and said. "Your's too, Raine, I enjoyed the walk and the conversation."
Raine felt a deep ache, he wanted this night to last forever. He was surprised as she lifted up her face to his pursing her lips just so for a kiss. He could only stare at her as if in a trance. As Raine bent down to kiss her she found his neck instead and fed hungrily. Raine fell to the ground into a dark oblivion and swirling darkness.
It was then Tara noticed the chirping birds in the early morning hour, and before the rosy red sky appeared, she slipped away from the alley
going back to the dark moss-covered silence of the forest awaiting for the night to come again~
Author notes
My first story ever i dunno lol~
Written June 12th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- Vampire Poems/Stories/Backgrounds by Darc Rebel Mafia 69.
600 points, ended July 10, 2008, 16 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 52 of 52
-
Congratulations on the Silver trophy, Sis
You deserved every ounce of that shiney stuff
Luvs ya
Dee
-
I see I'm not the only one who thinks this could turn into an interesting series (chapters) so get to writing, Sis... that ought to keep ya off the streets for awhile
-
That's pretty Good You Should add more too it. Would Make for a good story this makes you want more hehe. I want more gimme gimme . Wonderful Job Sis
-
A very captivating story sis. I enjoyed it very much, and I agree that you could write more chapters for this story.
Your words provide the reader with many strong images and thoughts.
Good luck in the contest!
Jeannette
-
Fine story. It kept my interest and nicely built and maintained suspense. There are a few places where you should have ended a sentence and began another rather than placing a comma. Not only would it be more grammatically correct, but it would ease readability. Also "he plan" s/b "her plan" I think.
-
You could do a whole series of stories on this sweetie. I enjoyed it very much and was sorry it wasn't longer. You decide to continue, please send me the link.
-
OOOOO... this is scarey and wonderful, Sis A mesmerizing story well written for having been your first story.
There's some editing needed to make it perfect but I'll send you an IM about it.
Well done and I wish you the best in the contest
luv and
Dee
-
You are a writer, through and through, dear poet! This story is excellent by any standards and you should send it to a publisher who handles vampire stories. It has so much appeal and your characterizations are excellent.
-
Oh My Word~
Oy Sis~ and You say this is Your first one
Excellent and I was wanting to hear more
You pulled the reader in and Love how You have the background which stimulates the imagery
Love this!! So more please
Adore the name Tara-
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love & light~ Desire~*~
-
a different one indeed
i am not into vampire themes but this is really well penned, i loved the theme you instilled in it, thank you for sharing your
different and many various posts with us, good luck
Lin
-
wow
What an incredible story sis. So truly amazing. You did so well with this one. Best of luck in the contest.
-
Hooray! Another vampire fan! This was a lovely story, very poetic in its own right. And the background you chose was exquisite. I liked this, she seemed to be a sort of release for Raine, a permanent solution to a miserable existance. You did really good on this.
-
Now this impressed me You did an excelent job on this story well done.Truly well done.
DimishedFaith -
Is this where is ends Sis? Or do you have more of these stories tucked away some where? Fantastic story. I've said it before and I'll say it again...you have more talent in your little finger than I do in my whole body. Keep the stories coming!
Hugs,
Willow -
This kept me glued to the screen......
.and i have to agree with everyone else, the ending seemed a bit rushed . But for a first attempt it was excellent . You are really broadening out ito all different kinds of writings . I like that ....progress ion can be seen , and I must say your talents are plenty 
much love ,
Reenie
-
Shadows fall
where one doesn't expect it...
yet somewhere danger follows!
And a crimson smile touches into the night!
I did enjoy this very much!
Keep penning on my friend!
Bill
Edited on Oct 13, 1:56 because ''. -
Loved It
Loved this story for Vampires are alluring~ Can't wait to read more and hopefully this one will continue~Raine did not know what he was getting into but I guess one just gave him a bite~ Enjoyed this very much~ Big hugs and much love~ Desire
-
very creepy! this really was your first story? i love creatures of the night, I love vampire tales! The imagery is excellent, The story holds the attention. I love the background it really adds to the piece.this has potential for a series do you plan to continue it? you have quite a fan club.....this is the first story i have read and it really amazed me pls return the favor Becca
-
this was your first story. i love all the creatures of the night *hmm, maybe because i am a creature of the night
* i can't wait for your second story. IM me when you got it posted.
keep it coming!!!!!!!!
-queen of the damned -
Great
I could tell form the very begining this was going to be amazing. I love vampire tales. and I must say this one ranks up there with some of my favorites. very well done for your first story... -
A BITING performance!
Okay Sis...I have finally had a chance to read this quietly...and had time to think it through...I think this SUCKS!!! (veins that is)
I mean that in a bloodcurdling, demonic but pleasantly tame but unique Vampire-esque Goth way...this is GREAT!! Espec. for a first timer...I wish I remembered how to write stories, been years...someday maybe...but you have a real gift for this stuff...I mean it!! I love the whole idea here...and there's a bit of a tease...with Tara "drooling" over the guy in the alley...no pun intended. Lots of sex appeal, but at the same time it's fairly family oriented...LOL I love vampire themes, but not so sure most moms would want their kids reading macabre stories with blood-tinged drama and shady characters...but what the heck! Maybe I'm a freak who's into psycho-thrillers, but I still love it!
The imagery is excellent, and there are a few "minor" things you might want to polish, but overall it's fantastic!! Keep up the great work...look forward to reading more stories, but first I must catch up on your other poetry...so behind on everyone's, including my own...just wanted to let you know I did read this in full...just took a while...saved it to file for when I had a second to breathe around here...Love you Sis! HUGS *rose* *rose* *rose*
Edited on Jun 25, 6:19 p.m. because 'meant "BITING PIECE"...duh!!'. -
Seems you have quite a little fan club going here with this piece. I said it before, and I'll say it again...WRITE MORE. I agree, I think you have a great potential for short stories.
-
Scary and chilling and poor guy, but well I guess vampires must eat too. Like the back ground. The story holds the attention I did wonder if a romance was coming out of it, the Drunk and the Wampyre, but she only wanted his company for dinner it seems. Nice going, you have potential.
-
Crikey, you can go a thousand and one ways with this one, the thoughts and ideas that are jumping out in my mind are unbelievable LOL Hope you will carry on with this. You see, I started to write a "short story" And has ended up in 13 parts and still isn't finnished.
Just one thing I have noticed while reading this, re-read it there a few spelling mistakes but apart from that it is an excellent start. Well done
-
Very sensual, chilling and dark.
It drew me in and I just couldn't stop
reading. Truly a wonderful vampire story.
Hugs ya, Daoine -
splendid
Whoa...very creepy! I love it! It's just so fascinating!
Well-written with really vivid language. You should write more mini-stories such as this. Your prose is very poetic. -
I wAS attACked bY VAmpirE Bat
HOw YoU no IT vamPIRe bAt
weLL I KNot sEE it iN MIrror
yeSS?
saBUR i LIke. -
excellent first attempt
I agree...an excellent first attempt. Kept my interest, vividly descriptive. I also think the ending was rushed just a tad, but overall you did a nice job. The background is a wonderful effect. I hope to see you write more stories. I think you will do well Thanks for sharing Susan. 
~Kathy -
EXCELLENT FIRST ATTEMPT
It's an excellent first. i might suggest running it through spell check and checking the punctuation. The character build is of a decent length without drawing the story out so long that it bores. The descriptions are quite vivid. The length overall is good. The first half is "longer" than the second half though. It seems that the ending was rushed. It came too quickly compared to the way the rest of the story was written. Definitely an awesome topic to write (you know my affinity for Vampires). Has some excellent potential. I'd be glad to show ya some examples of what I'm talking about if you'd like. Just e=mail me and let me know. EXCELLENT FIRST ATTEMPT!!!!
-
I agree with Judas, The ending was just a little to quick for me. The beginning and the middle were excellently composed but the quick death of Raine was a little disappointing. You might want to go back and lengthen it some.
Still, for your first write, it was very well done. -
Like Danna says, this has potential for a series. You had me hanging on here. It wasn't what I was expecting, though. Something made me think Raine had a few tricks of his own. Nevertheless, this was good write. I hope that this isn't last story you write, or post for me to devour.
-
Woooowwww... I hope it is going to be a series, Susan. I love the... Victorian feel to it. Brilliant subtlty, and so vividly written... Love it!
-
yes yes... very well done. I nice short story about a vampire and her victim. And hardly anyone ever writes them from a female perspective. There were a few times when she seemed almost too light to be a vamp to me. But perhaps that is all part of her way. lol. I got a since of "foreshadowing" there too. When Raine said, "One could catch death out tonight"
-
Amazing!
Wow, this was an amazing story! Are you sure its your first one? You definately have a talent for this This story kept me wanting more! It was very well written Thanks for sharing!
James
-
VERY well done, geez, i so cannot write stories but wish i could.
Love the subject you choose to write about here, something hmmm, I dunno, attractive about vampires??
Well done hun, keep em coming...
Hugs, ~ Ce
-
Thanks so much all of you
I had to turn spell check off to get this story to post thus the reason for the few typos & I hadnt seen them until now sighs...
Hmmmm who knows maybe another tale soon
Again I thank you all for your comments
They are very much appreciated
Luv you all
Susan~~~~~
-
For your first story I must say you out did yourself.I love vamps so much.They intrigue me, always have.You brought this piece to life in a sense that I could almost feel myself there.This is amazing.You should d stories more often. And I see you've chosen such an amazing background on which to present this piece of artistry upon, how lovely it is and so fitting as well.
-
Very well done, Susan. Not one lull in the storyline. Hard to believe it is your very first one. I am truly amazed and awed.
And I do love the background. Perfect.
Maddie -
BLOODY intoxicating!
Congrats on your first story...I used to write short stories in school, but don't know how to do that anymore...but I saved this and will read the story later...just wanted to let you know I saw it, but can't read the whole thing right now, will finish later and let you know what I think. HUGS Love ya! Sheryl
-
You should really do more of these...this being your first one, if you hadnt told us i wouldnt of ever guessed it. you have such an imagination, this was great and i am so proud of you. your words had such imagery and i especially love the background, it went great along with the story!! Excellent!
~*Lynn*~ -
great story! i loved it.
-
this is so amazing,
i'm surprised this is your first story,
you did such a wonderful job
extremly suspenseful and vivid,
i hope you write more stories, because i loved this one
~Clare
Edited on Jun 13 because 'i put an extra e on my name
'.
-
Brilliant write, from your magical pen, my sweet friend!!!!!!!!! I just love vampire movies
This really drew me in and had me mesmorized, just like a handsome vampire would 
Please do more of these, and I love the name, Tara:)
Love ya,
Karen/
-
I really liked this. I saw this as one of the featured and it had my name, so I was dieing to read it. I am vain, so of course, if a poem/story has my name mentioned in it, I'll read it. I also happen to love vampires, so I was even more curious about this. Very good job with the imagery...I pictured this whole thing so well in my mind. For being your first story, this is very good. Lovely write...keep it up.
Perfectly numb, Painfully dieing,
~Shadow -
Oh Susan ...this was wonderful. I felt like i was walking along them in that quaint little town <-----even more as they are going to the Blue Moon Inn lol..in my story " the sculptor " they are at the "Blue Moon" tee-heeeeee...that place really exists and i hang out there once inawhile will look for vampires now though ...hmmmmmm , does tara have a brother
Reenie
-
i love this . I think that this was tops. I really hope that you will write more like this please. and im me we you do so that i will be sure to read it. I thank you so very much for shareing it
-
VERY GOOD! WELL DONE! I enjoyed your story from beginning to end! Hope you write some more!
< 3 Maureen
-
Hey not bad Susan.. you know i have a thing for vampires.. lol.. good try.. i'll keep my eyes peeled for the next one
Barbs
-
Oh Geez
Thanks you guys I dont ever do storys lol I started a Christmas one last year never finished it seems i just do poems better
Many thanks for the wonderful comments
Susan~~~~~~
-
This is awesome! My best friends name is Tara so that is what drove me to read this! And the funny thing is she is all luring guys and everything and if she was a vamp they would all be dead! I really like the imagery saw everything that you lade out for me! Great write! you did a good job. ::Smiles::
Deadly Dying, With Love.
Lady -
You dunno huh?
OK...my opinion..here goes
For your first attempt at this kinda thing..I found it to be quite good..as odeon stated..it has an alluring, suspenseful feel to it...I've sat down and tried my hand at this..and it's not easy to do a fictional piece ( for me anyway) You're at the beginning of an awesome tale...
Don't be so nervous...lol...this is really good...seems as if you've done it before..and as they say...the more ya do it..the better ya get..for a first timer...this is great! I'm impressed
Don't stop now...continue forth!
Much Love ( can't wait for the next one..let me know when!)
~Pamela -
Hey I liked this I am very partial to vamps myself lol. This is really good hun. I think you did a great job on it. It has an alluring, suspenseful quality and kept your attention very well. bravo Might be your first story, but hopefully not your last Great job hun
Adding your comment:
1 - 52 of 52
