I'll give you magic dust
little boy
That will make all your fantasies come true
A dream you'll never want to awaken from
Take my hand
dear love
We're off to Neverland
Where you never have to grow up
I'll give you wings
Little boy
Come fly with me
Through the clouds
Above the stars
Watch color melt with sound
Waves of imagination will dance above your glazed eyes
Make believe images
Made from cigarette smoke
I'll give you the world
Little boy
Just to see your doped smile
My love leave reality behind
and get lost inside my magic
My love
I'll make your nose bleed
and your skin itch
I'll place figures in dark corners
To trick whats left of your sanity
My little boy
I'll grant your wishes
then strip them away
leaving you with nothing but false hopes
and washed out dreams
Trapped inside Neverland
Never to escape
For I am your wings
Without me you cannot fly
Join the lost boys, my dear
As I find another little boy
To enslave with my fairy dust
Author notes
peter pan with a dark twist
tinkerbell is actually drugs in this
A contest entry
- But we flew to far away from Neverland... by Dawliah.
600 points, ended March 1, 2007, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NV Mixed with Hush-Hush Lips by bird-mad girl.
1250 points, ended March 3, 2007, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I love the progression in this piece, so subtle yet so sinister. Something about the way you have written this makes it almost addictive.
I do have a suggestion though, I think the last two stanzas lack the force the rest of the poem has, you can take the first line from the second last stanza and make it the last line of the poem, giving it kind of a sudden, but definite finish.
Just a though, good luck
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The progression from innocent and dreamy to dark and tragic was steady and perfect. Great work!
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I loved how you turned Tinkerbell into a drug.
That was genuis
She is very addictive, I must say
You've rewritten and amazing version of Peter Pan.
Its one of my favorite fairytales and I think you've done a wonderful job with putting your own twist on it.
awesome write.
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The point of view was a first for me, and I loved that. One thing, though: I think there could have been more figurative language to it.
"My love
I'll make your nose bleed
and your skin itch
I'll place figures in dark corners
To trick whats left of your sanity"
This is a great stanza, and I think a good turning point from temptation into betrayal. -
holly...wow! I...don't even know what to say. this si so twisted and amazing! you did a great job taking something so innocent and making it so dark. you did a great job. I love it!
yours truly
innocence. -
"leave reality behind
and get lost inside my magic"
--trickery. This seemed scary:
"My love
I'll make your nose bleed
and your skin itch
I'll place figures in dark corners
To trick whats left of your sanity"
--shivery. -
She always was a seductive little tramp. XD I love this. Such a good metaphore.
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well written...glad i read it, actually...you did a fine twist on a delightful tale, and i think i would rather be the tinkerbell in your poem than the one in the story...
good job -
good
Very dark but that is how dope works -
you awe me
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