For years and years
She was deprived of sleep
She walks through life alone
Which makes her heart weep.
Shes a harmless soul
Whos heart was cruelly broken
They showed her no mercy
They left her unspoken.
A self selected mute
Choosing not to speak a word
Thinking her voice had diminished
Thinking she cannot be heard.
But slowly, her mouth begins to open
She has so much to say
But when my words start to take life
You all simply turn away.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i got goosebumps"!
its such a cool poem.. poor carla
*strokes*
Ill listen
Love uuu x xx
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Awesome, im glad to see your still writting. This is another great peice, also very sad.
keep it up.
seee you sooooon my dear xXx xXx xXx xXx xXx -
sad, but beautiful
Your first stanza struck me hard, and that feeling of sadness and sorrow kept with me throughout the rest of your poem, which is wonderful! At first I didn't quite understand why sleep deprivation was key to your poem, but I'm interpreting it as you couldn't sleep because you were so lonely, and if I'm mistaken, please correct me.
Your second stanza has to be my favorite. It's so sad, yet so meaningful and true in my life, and apparently yours as well.
Might I suggest for your third stanza that you place a semi-colon after "speak a word." I know you don't have any punctuation in any other stanza except for the period at the end, but it's only a mere suggestion and I think it would flow more smoothly and help the understand that stanza better as well.
Your last stanza had that happy tone for the first two lines, but then down the drain it went, which, I feel, is a great way to end this poem.
Great work and keep it up! -
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Thanks!!!!!
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this is what i'm talking about...one of the best rhyme poems i've read today...u didn't add any extra words to make it flow or put a forced rhyming word just to complete the line...
yet passionate enough to make me want to walk and defend her...tell everyone to listen...
thanks 4 writing...i look forward to reading some more of ur work...
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Wow. this is good!
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