Two like one, and one like two,
You and me, and me and you.
We know what we are, what we're meant to be,
We'll always be you, we'll always be me.
Always got in, and still left outside,
We're going nowhere, we're still on the ride.
We are going down, yet we're facing up,
We need no one, we're all that we had.
All that seems good, for us is too bad,
We agree with denying whatever we've said.
And if we don't mean it, we're ringing the bells,
Announcing we are in contradiction with ourselves.
Author notes
~By Masky
A contest entry
- ♠ My First AP poem ♠ by Rebekah-Ann.
525 points, ended May 20, 25 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by M a r l u x i a.
20000 points, ended June 2, 1071 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let Me Upgrade Ya! (3) by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended June 30, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please read and coment with honestity.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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dude, this is awesome! thanks for the entry
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Thank you so much for the Trophy - seems like I've really gotten upgraded! Thanks!!
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I loved this! Thank you so much for this very lovely entry! All the best in the contest and keep well!
Becks -
This is VERY interesting. What I want to say about this poem has really already been said! I agree with most of what everyone has said, and I really like this poem. Great job!
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Nice
This made me smile - i really like it - the contradiction in it is really clear and it has a natural rhythm which makes it easy to read. Great job!!1
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quite interesting one! it has some philosophical flavour poured within the lines yet it could have been a little more intriguing and original maybe if you would have used some methaphors to challange the reader a bit.anyway sounds pretty good!keep up and be creative!
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i love it! its great how you reverse lines in the first stanza, its really effective, i love the flow, and the rhymescheme is great. congrats on abgreat piece
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nicely written
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first i want to ditto everything speakingup4kids mentioned in her comment... her opinions are sound
i felt that tenses were confusing in the last line of the seocnd stanza. 'we need no one' is present tense and 'we're all that we had' is past tense. that tripped me up a bit.
this is a good solid idea and write... just a bit of polishing and it's a gem
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forever we will be in conflict with what we see - in ourselves in others too, so smile try not to be blue spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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I think this is a great foundation for an awesome poem, with a bit of editing it would shine brightly. For me it was really on a roll until I got to the last line of the second stanza, that is the point I started stumbling with the flow. Then the last stanza broke the original rhyming scheme you had going. I really like the concept of this piece and I think you should continue to work with it as I see it having much potential to be a Great write, provoking much thought from the reader.
I see you are new to the site and wish to welcome you to AP, I hope your time here will be rewarding with many opportunities to learn and expand your skills as a writer. My wish is that you get tons of praise on your work and make many new friends whom share your same interest in the pen.
God Bless,
Suzi
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