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Invisible

I fall to the eternal blade of silence,
nothing but sadness in my mind.
Drowning in every stress you gave me,
but you don't even help.

I pull out my arm,
nothing to reach for.
I thought the air wasn't there before,
I thought there was you.

Nothing in my grasp,
nothing to hold me up.
Keep me above the waves of sorrow,
or at least in this world.

You don't care if you don't know.
couldn't you see me scream?
You only react to the tears that I shed,
and that is only to keep me quiet.

I don't have anyone to hold me up,
nothing but to bring me down.
I'm telling you that I can't survive this long,
my thread running thin and long.

My body is getting pushed,
my pulse slowing with the tide.
You don't hear my cries,
even when the sea is calm.

Please don't cut the thread,
the only thing that holds me.
Don't get me near the blade,
the one I want so badly.


Please,
Don't tell me to show and not tell.

Author notes

This is very true. This is the exact way I feel about my friends sometimes.

MONGO!!!!!!!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • -Ink Artist-
    April 4, 2007

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    Well written and very emotional. Great use of metaphor and lovely imagery. This reads with a wonderful flow and your thoughts are well expressed. Thanks for your entry!

    ~Lori


  • DarkenedAuras
    March 19, 2007

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    right on

    I get you...a couple of lines didn't make a lot of sense but the gist did. This poem reminded me for some reason of Evanescence's song "Bring me to life" in some weird way :/ hmmm


  • aGent Lemon
    March 17, 2007

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    Nicely Done

    Thank you very much for entering this contest. I should be able to add much more of a comment on this later on since there are so many other submissions.


  • tawk gold member
    February 27, 2007
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    Such a deep and powerful write. So full of emotions. Good luck in my contest


  • XHollowXEyesX
    February 26, 2007
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    this is a deep and meaningful write.but i feel that there is no real rhyme or flow to the poem, starts of with some but looses it. is this the way it is supposed to be?
    I am sorry for the way you feel about your friends.
    thanks for entering.


  • CrystalJet
    February 25, 2007

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    This is an interesting poem and I liked it. I only see two faults in this. One is that you rhyme in the first stanza, and them rhyme differently in the second. After that you stop altogether. If you made the first two NOT rhyme it might be better. The only other faut is in the fourth stanza. The "shead" you are looking for is spelled "shed". Otherwise I actually really like this poem. Thank you for your wonderful entry and good luck in my contest.

    P.S.
    The flow in the last line is also a little off, but I like it. You don't have to change it, just try to make is flow a little better.


  • FollowingFate
    February 14, 2007

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    I'm Here For You! :)

    Hey Amanda!

    I read your poem! It has awesome-ass metaphores in it. I love it! I know what you mean. Everyone was mad at you for being so needy lately but they're over it and I've always been here for you. If you want to feel better though, you'll have to heal yourself, not that nobody else cares, but because you have to know how to make yourself feel better. Every single person in the world could tell you how great you are and could listen to every single one of your problems, but in the end, you're the one who has to move on. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to be a supportive friend. I know how you feel with my anxiety attacks and stuff so...I'm always here for you. Don't give up on EVERYONE! lol. lylas. Oh, and your poem was good too. lol.


    ~Jessica


  • sans-amour
    February 5, 2007

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    Wow... such powerful figuartive language and imagery... really well done. So painful, I know where you're coming from z~


  • devilsowner
    February 5, 2007
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    great write loved it keep up the good work

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    February 2, 2007

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    The corrections to spelling/typos made this a much more sound piece. I would suggest looking at that last line one more time dear as it seems to create a bit of a stumble. You want your last line to be a smooth ending. ( just a suggestion dear, rather or not you make changes is strictly your perogative. ) Thank you so much for entering and best of luck during the judging phase.
    Suzi

  • Susan E. Pennycuff
    February 2, 2007

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    oops I think I might of clicked on this too soon, I will give you time to finish editing this and will come back to read it again later.


    • Yours-To-Have
      February 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      don't worry.

      If your worried about the background, I made it that way unpurpose. I think I finished, so it is ok now.

1 - 13 of 13