Verse 1
Walk straight to the funeral home
Can't seem to change direction.
Bundled up in all he owns
Escaping our detection.
Invisible is never seen
Invincible is pretty mean
The winds of change don't tarry long
In fly by down right chilling breeze
In the hand of dereliction
Chorus
So point a boney finger
From the silence of your eyes
Be sure to pad your pockets
With your cliche and your lies
Surf the cable network
Till someone fits your plans
The soap in pretty packaging
Won't really clean your hands
Verse 2
Red Penny's burnt a rubber check
To buy some health insurance
Heads off to the second job
An everyday occurrence
No time to warm a comforter
It's a paper trail odometer
Friends these days are hard to find
In play right, stay tight molded cheese
And little reassurance.
Chorus
So point a boney finger
From the silence of your eyes
Be sure to pad your pockets
With your cliche and your lies
Surf the cable network
Till someone fits your plans
The soap in pretty packaging
Won't really clean your hands
Verse 3
Elected servants of the rich are
Playing with the numbers
With catered lunch in overweight
It's hard to feel the hunger
Minimum wage will reengage
The empty glass is all the rage
The working poor in welfare lines
Will vote in rote with our designs
And feel a little younger
Bridge
So send your babies off to war
The cartoon network's gone too far
Another tall one at the bar
Buy a house then buy a car
Embelished bras and silicone
Will take your mind off all the wrong
And leave you with a empty nest
Where weary never gets to rest
Chorus
So point a boney finger
From the silence of your eyes
Be sure to pad your pockets
With your cliche and your lies
Surf the cable network
Till someone fits your plans
The soap in pretty packaging
Won't really clean your hands
A contest entry
- Write a Song! by Natelystious.
450 points, ended May 10, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Give Me All Your Gold~ by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended July 26, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Double your gold! by Blue-Rose Beauty.
432 points, ended July 28, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Very interesting. Nice write
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Some chilling truths expressed in a very enlighten piece. I really felt those words.
Bless you, Jules11 -
this is not a winner in a quickie contest...sorry
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oops
LoL, sorry. I must learn to read directions, no?
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nice song written here and you did a great job withit too
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This is depressing, well written, and really makes you think. Congrats on your gold trophy, this is through and through trophy winning material.
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Till someone fits your plans
The soap in pretty packaging
Won't really clean your hands
Humm this is really an serious look on the sceanario my friend..you are a sensitive poet by the heart..I am impressed and you made me to think about the deep concern of the problem raised here.. well all I can say that only a true heart of the poet can get the feelings stated in this write..a great poem
Indeed
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cool song lyrics!!!!!!!!!!! i thoroughly enjoyed every verse and chorus!!!!!!! This is so fluid that i had to read a few times to take in the complete elegance of your thoughts!!!!! So much truth, and really says alot and more about the times that we unfortunately live in. Things have to get better across the world!!!! And I do pray every day wishing as well that there won't be so much violence in the world, but it is hard, when the media keeps harping on the war and alll the negative things that surround our everyday kives. Great imagery! genuine! -hippie
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Great
I love the title and the verse for the chorus its so true you know and yes it is in pretty packages but wont clean your hands . Sometimes I think if people were filmed and then let them see theirselves in their everyday actions most of them would be embarased for the way they are to people and never sees it in themsleves . My Dad always told us as children every one can be your friend and if you dislike someone is because they are doing something that you do yourself and never realized it until you saw them do it and yet you complaine. Funny I didnt rightly know what that meant when I was little but I do now
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wow. this is an amazing song. i mean i could really hear someone singing it as i read it!you should really form a band or something!or write songs for one, cuz this is really good!
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Very nicely penned. It flows so smoothly from one verse to the next. The imagery is wonderful. Gold was well deserved. Congratulations.
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Hey, i just clicked on this randomly, I really like it!! My favourite two lines have to be in the chorus "be sure to pad your pockets, With your cliche and your lies"
I think its articulate, and has a good syntax. Nice write! -
Great!!
Great song, and it would only be better if it were sung!! My faveorite part was:
Bridge
So send your babies off to war
The cartoon network's gone too far
Another tall one at the bar
Buy a house then buy a car
Embelished bras and silicone
Will take your mind off all the wrong
And leave you with a empty nest
Where weary never gets to rest
Wow what a great message. Great job and best of luck in your writing future.
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very nice tone to this song. It is awesome. Nice job
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good song!!
A very nice flow.. nice word choice and very good picture painted with the verses..you can have this published..I am sure..keep sharing...Linda
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This was super fun to read and full of hidden meanings. I like how you had internal ryhmes in there. they were totally unpredictable and playful. This is my favorite line:
Friends these days are hard to find
In play right, stay tight molded cheese
And little reassurance.
I don't know if I'm way off, it seems like a friendship that is decaying or "molded" and yet we hold onto to them for reassurance. Oh God do I know a lot about that! I liked how it was playful though, it wasn't whiny or pathetic. It's hard writing about social issues without sounding whiny.
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very pleasing.
as i was saying to macey, this too applies to you. you were very able to include nice imagery, poetic phrases, etc. and not dilute it all to shorter lines that hold a fast- paced beat. i really liked that, and feel that it showcases your talent.
thank you very much for this, and best of luck to you.
j -
I am having to think about this one, which is always good in a poem, (or song), it seems to be telling us of how we are raped and pillaged and used by those in high authority and we allow them to do it with a smile on our faces as our attention is deflected by the images we are given of how life is in the eyes of the media, we struggle and strive to obtain what we are told is there for the taking while those who live on our backs have it all gifted to them on a plate through efforts we make. No matter how much they wash their hands in the scented soap the blood of those they have used will not be washed away, very interesting write, well done, broad
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To be honest, I think this would make an interesting rap song.
I liked this. It flowed well.. man. this round is going to be so interesting. Good luck homie.
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