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Recollections: and the lessons learned (edited and reposted))

“Don’t worry mom,” I said, with as much confidence
as a young boy could muster, “I’ll collect money
from my paper route ok, don’t worry!”

I hated to see my mother cry, tears streaming
between fingers like water through cracks in a dam
about to burst, hands prematurely aged
by housewife duties and too much stress.

I detested seeing my younger siblings go hungry
because of my drunken father’s neglect for those
he claimed to love. It’s no wonder mom lost her mind

after all the beatings by my father, seeing her children
on many occasions without food, and finally, the man
she once loved, preferring the company and affection
of another woman.

It wasn’t long before mom retreated into a world
that only she and a few pharmaceutically liberal
Psychiatrists knew of.

I’d like to think that my siblings and I are stronger
for having endured those trials, I mean, after all
we are still alive, and who knows but God,
why my father self-destructed like that.

In the end, he said he was sorry and that he loved us.
As for my mother, well, there are only so many pills and
shock treatments a human can stand.

Rest well sweet Mother and Father, and you’ll be glad
to know that...I’ve learned a lot about-forgiveness~

Author notes

Author: MJ Donnelly
Edited into prose form.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • chilali
    November 14, 2008

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    Oh my. So sad indeed. So much intense emotions in this piece and that is why I love it. How this write not win anything is beyond me. You get a Gold from me I loved this. Thank you for sharing.


  • whiterabbit.
    February 13, 2008

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    This is so sad. The emotions are so raw and real that it's easy to feel them. This is a very powerful write. Great job and thanks for entering.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    February 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol, wow!
    is this true i find myself wondering? are you okay/ this was so powerful and sad..sigh. and it happens so often these days :/
    such a sad world...
    but wonderful and powerful, emotional, write =)
    lovely job once again
    stephanie =)


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    February 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I've never seen a poem in so many contests!

    But I can see why! This was stunning - both wonderful and awful at the same time. Heart-wrenching but incredible and hopeful.
    Have you seen the movie "The Prince of Tides"? If not, you HAVE to watch it! The circumstances in the movie are so similar.
    I agree with emerald, it was like sitting down and listening to a long conversation about your life. I got so much from this... such a rich history and a wealth of emotions.
    Amazing


  • Margaret Denham gold member
    February 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    After reading I feel as though we just had a conversation where you were telling me what it was as a child that made you such a compassionate man as an adult. You have a gift for saying things in a way that reaches out to the reader.

    Margaret


  • xHeartofDarknessx
    September 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very Well Writen
    it was very hard to decided the winner
    but all in all evan though you were all very good
    and hope you will enter my next contest comeing soon
    so i am now saying tank you for takeing part in my first contest
    Kepp up the good work
    Thanks
    xBx


  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great=]

    Wow.
    This is really heartfelt and emotional. It must've been hard. I loved the form of this piece, and your words were very powerful=]

    "I detested seeing my younger brothers and sisters
    go hungry
    because of my drunken father’s neglect
    for those he claimed to love."

    Those, for example, were verrrry strong words. There is a lot of neglect in this piece, but it's ahmazing=]
    Oh and could you read the rules? You're missing a few things. haha.
    Thanks for sharing and for entering!


  • VanityAngst
    August 4, 2007
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    oh! wow! this is truly powerful. i really like this one!


  • BAMFNx3
    July 25, 2007

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    Wow. This was very good. And very powerful and emotional. Good job. Thanks for entering and good luck


  • StormGoddess Greeters member
    July 20, 2007

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    Painfully sad, in more ways than one. As I said to another in this contest, only the strong survive, and yes, you are a survivor. Thank you for your entry *hug* Storm


  • SamiJ
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "I hated to see my mother cry,
    tears streaming between fingers
    like water through cracks in a dam
    about to burst,"

    Nice image, allowing me to also see the pressure she was under. Thank you for your contributio


  • Twilight4Eternity
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is quite sad. I'm sure you are stronger for surviving this. thanks for your entry and goodluck.

  • Honeydew
    June 11, 2007
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    sad write..

    wow..you have painted a picture here..I am so sorry for your loss..very sad..only my opinion...i think your poem deserves a title..perhaps like mother and father..or ...forgiveness..i am not really sure what the title should be..just a bit more related to the poem. sorry no harm just my view.


  • SharonLynn
    June 1, 2007

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    This is definately a powerful poem and a sad one. It is good you have been able to write about it and I hope things are going okay for you. I am sorry for what you have gone through. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Florida Sunshine
    May 27, 2007
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    Wow

    Congrats on Gold!!! What a poem!!! Nice job!!!


  • romanticadventure
    May 23, 2007

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    ugk this is a heart wrenching story. as for the poem tiself i didnt see many errors and it flows nicely. good write.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    May 3, 2007

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    This is so sad, I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
    The little boy promising his mother that everything would be ok is so heartwrenching.

    One line you use which I don't think is warrented is:
    "more often than they deserved" Children never deserve to go hungry or without food. It may happen, but not because they deserve it to. Not ever.

    Other than that, a really profoundly sad poem, well written. I am so sorry you experienced such pain.


  • moment liver
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Awww, Oh my gosh. That's so heartbreaking. But I love the ending about forgiveness. That's pure. I know that sounds corny but it touched my soul. Best of luck and keep writing from within.

    See you around the deep end
    moment liver


  • earthstar
    April 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This broke my heart. I am sorry that it been so tough on your family. The lesson or moral I felt you saying that forgiveness is a learing experinece. I too have learn many lesson about forgiveness it frees on from the past to build a better furture. This is wrote very well someday it could turn into a fiction or nonfiction work. I perfere to write in fiction it keep me distance from the pain .


  • HowardsDaughter
    April 17, 2007

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    This was so profound and beautiful, you told your story so well and deeply. I loved this peice and i'm sorry for your loss. good luck in my contest
    x


  • Shacadia Shay
    March 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this a good read. i'm sorry for the one you lost but abit unsure on who that was. best of luck in my contest.
    --Blessed be--
    Dark Princess Vampire


  • poetryality silver member
    March 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your words penetrate the soul and leave the heart in mourning for two souls that had it hard, as it seems. I believe with struggle comes strength. If this is indeed a true occurrence then you have my sincere condolences. It it is fabricated, you have my applause for writing such a captivating work of fiction. Either way this was a sad be extremely well crafted work of poetry. You are a contender here! Thank you for this very worthy entry into my challenge. I wish you the best.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • dreamweaver08
    March 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I hated to see my mother cry,
    tears streaming between fingers
    like water through cracks in a dam
    about to burst,
    hands
    prematurely worn and aged
    by diligent housewife duties
    and too much stress.

    my favorite lines. GOOD WRITE IT HAS SO MUCH PASSION AND ITS GREAT TO SEE HOW MUCH RSPECT YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MOTHER. GOOD LUCK


  • Dorcha Runda
    March 10, 2007
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    thanks for entering and good luck.


  • okadadokie
    March 2, 2007
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    This is a sad but touching poem. A mother's love is so strong. Thank you. Good luck.
    ~Oka

  • vasi
    February 25, 2007
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    This was a very strong and truthfull poem. I thought the flow was pretty good and the poem reminded me a lot of Tupac's Dear Mama. Message me if you want your score, make sure to include the name of your poem. Thanks for entering.


  • Ms Raneika
    February 18, 2007
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    Wow quite the powerful impression it had on me...It was heartbreaking to first start off reading but the ending gave it that light of hope...I'm glad that your heart waspure enough to forgive...keep the faith thanks for entering my contest love, Raneika


  • CrystalJet
    February 15, 2007
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    Wow, this is a very powerful poem, and I really enjoyed it. It is sad, but hopeful at the end. I enjoy poetry that is sad at the beginning, but has an uplift near the end. Thank you and good luck in my contest.


  • Lily of the Valley
    February 7, 2007
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    This is very powerful and all the more so for being based on reality. I know little about poetry styles and form but to me the manner in which you wrote this was perfect to read. You're a strong man to find forgiveness and share the sentiments of this with us all.


  • Justified Inc.
    February 5, 2007

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    True Talent!

    I mean it! Your work is amazing, I felt everything you wrote! I could see it too! My hat is off to you, so to speak. Thankyou for sharing your heart and all the honesty that you put into this write. I find it to be very well written. Strong descriptive voice with tons of imagery! I love the part about the tears streaming through your mothers hands. It is soooooooooooo sad and I am so sorry for your loss. You must be a very strong person indeed! I know you will make it! Loved this poem and thankyou for sharing it, really, it is so touching!
    castaway

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