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Spillway (villanelle #22)


Amid the ghostlike skeletons of oaks,
a lone song lifts from a channel brown with grass
and echoes up to join dissevered peaks.

Whispers lap the edge of a mountain lake
nestled in a valley, smooth as glass,
amid the ghostlike skeletons of oaks.

Wind shimmers through the chambers of a reed,
resonates across a manmade vale,
and echoes up to join dissevered peaks.

Frogs concealed in rip-rap greet the dusk;
a pair of small birds chase each other's tails
amid the ghostlike skeletons of oaks.

A raven drops clear pebbles off its beak,
a sound that ripples lightly through the air
and echoes up to join dissevered peaks.

The lone song dims to silence. In its wake
a gentle quiet settles with the dark
amid the ghostlike skeletons of oaks
and echoes up to join dissevered peaks.

 

 

Author notes

to learn more about the villanelle: http://allpoetry.com/Column/784856/

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Ankeeta silver member
    June 10, 2007
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    erin,

    the first and third line should rhyme right? also every second line shud rhyme with second line of next stanza

    like i dont see oaks-peaks-lakes-reed and so on not rhyming ....I am sorry if I am wrong to know villanelles........please tell me more

  • Rj
    June 7, 2007

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    Desolate imigary. I suppose, looking up or even down at a mountain range, I'd never thought of each as ever being part of another, but it's as likely true as not and there's a lovely subliminal decapitation going on there. This could have been done a little darker, but the overall tonal balance achieves a nice sense of bleakness and perhaps a tone of resignation...

    This really is a strong emotional write that's likely to touch people. And falls into a that catagory of poetry I'd rather just enjoy rather than critique.

    Rainbows,

    ~RJ~

  • Crusader318
    May 25, 2007

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    Very Good

    fantastic use of imagery in this poem. I get the feeling of actually being there. You are one of the select few people that can take bring emotion from a blank page (or in this case, a blank computer screen). I liked the repetition of certain lines as well. The poem itself is concise and to the point, while still showing emotion. Well Done.


  • Foxydaze14
    May 25, 2007

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    Very beautiful and peaceful. I love the villanelle form, it's so easy to read. You did an excellent job!

  • stompsalot
    May 22, 2007

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    BRAVO

    I am always astounded by the villanelle form, which I can not seem to even come close to... but this is just breath-taking beautiful and moving. very solid piece. your talent is quite apparent in this write.
    Blessings and *stomps

    . Rewarded 4


  • cafegroundzero silver member
    May 21, 2007

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    You rock like granite, like ancient limestone, like smooth shale

    This poem deserves much better than a quick comment. But hey, allow me to say I'm going to keep reading and appreciate more than the very fine first stanza. I'm raising a bottle of honey brown lagerto you now.

    Zahar, let me ask you a few questions now:

    Do you memorize any of what you write? Could you recite it by memory? Have you recorded any on sound or audio file? Why or why not?

  • SuZyCuE
    February 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Greetings Erin. Sorry it took me so long to comment on this but things have been a little nuts around here. In this piece I see you on one of your walks you like to take, with your flute (sorry cant remember what you called it ) sitting by a lake, perhaps a pond, surrounded by nature in its finest glory trying to clear your head and relax. Taking in every sound, every image that comes to mind. The "dissevered peaks" you speak of reminds me of the things that you are trying to seperate yourself from, like your trying to let go of something or at least trying to divide things up into manageable parts. Once again the raven has made an appearance in one of your poems, As you know the ravens are thought by many cultures to be powerful, some believe they are the portal to the spirit world, other cultures believe that they have healing powers, and can even give you courage and have the ability to guide. In any case the raven represent power of one sort or another, I like the addition of the clear pebbles associated with the raven and would be interested to know what significance it had for you in this. All in all this poem gives me the feeling of peaceful serenity, you know we all have that one special place where we can go and just drain our thoughts of everything and anything, someplace where there are no worries, concerns, fears or distractions. I really liked this one. Hope all is well with you.
    Suzanne

    . Rewarded 4


    • Zahhar gold member
      February 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Suzee! Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem. It's funny how I can put two or three weeks into a little thing like this, scratch it off has not having been worth the time and energy I just put into it, and then I see such positive responses from people that I rethink my original assessment and decide that maybe the poem wasn't meant for the crumpled ball heap after all.

      Even my Bald Linji Monk friend likes this poem a lot, and he's not moved by much. Not moved by much at all. He's a Linji monk. It's in their tradition to reward efforts like this with a lump on the head. lol *thwap!* Little reminders that everything must go. Everything.

      Anyway, really nice to hear from you and to enjoy your thoughts on my latest post.

  • heinzs silver member
    February 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    :-)


  • I-Like-Rhymes gold member
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Another excellent example of (for me) a very difficult form. Well done!
    Also you have taught me a new word dissevered. I always thought dis was a negation prefix as in disjointed and now I find it is an emphatic prefix turning severed into really-severed.
    Your poetry is both relaxing and educational. Thank You.
    Jim

    . Rewarded 4


  • Romily
    February 4, 2007

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    Zahhar, can you tell me one thing, how could you produce such things that make me feel that it was supposed to written by me...ha ha ha .....very nice...
    hugs..

    . Rewarded 4

  • Alimental
    February 3, 2007

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    very haunting , the delicate sounds of words gently shattering the fragile illusion of reality...beautifully crafted!

    . Rewarded 4


  • Duana gold member
    February 2, 2007

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    aha - it's a vinalle (or however you spell it and say it). That's what gives it such a gorgeous flow. I never realized just how perfect this form was to convey nature, and philosophy combined. I wonder if Robert Frost used this form? Do you know? If not, what forms did he use? I would like to try my hand at some of these.

    • Zahhar gold member
      February 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      so far as i know, frost never wrote a villanelle. most of his poetry, if i recall, is in rhyming quatrains, with a few deviations. i think he also went for the heroic couplet. he liked to rhyme, and seemed to go to great lengths to do so, even when it meant sacrificing his imagery and flow of thought.
  • Molassis
    February 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Whispers lap the edge of a mountain lake"

    Such a grand line... Radiates peace and immediately puts me in a most serene, relaxed mood... and actually that one line set the mood for the entire poem! I actually felt nothing but total peace while reading this... it was like EVERYTHING bad in my life left me alone while absorbed in your words...

    Isn't that what poetry should do?

    This piece will be bookmarked and I only bookmark those that really 'speak' to me...

    I like the description of the oaks... I found that interesting... went along perfectly with this piece, especially when I got to the end, when it becomes dark...

    This is the ultimate piece Zahhar, in my opinion, one of your finest... if I could applaud more than what's offered, you'd get about 10!

    ~Melissa

    . Rewarded 4


  • Duana gold member
    February 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely stunning in it's beauty. You have blown me away. See if I COULD this is the kind of poetry I would like to be able to write. It's where my heart is. Very nice. Perfect in fact. Probably the most smooth poem I have ever read on here. You have gotten really good.

    . Rewarded 4

  • Kay Laon Anders
    February 1, 2007

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    My Canopy

    What is it with you and ravens...you and Poe would have had a nice conversation I am sure...anywho...

    This personally reminds me of my canopy...got to visit it again the other day...hasn't changed a bit...like life...it is timeless it seems to me...

    clear pebbles off raven's beak are like water drops in my mind..mountains...my canopy...dead oaks ...my canopy...gah...i like this a bunch...I think of dad a little...Whispers lap the edge of a mountain lake...maybe because he loves water in the mountains..don't know for sure....great write of course....yup yup yup.....

    KAY

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