Half in a world unseen,
I need to be redeemed,
Save me from this retched world,
Where all loves another as in a fairy tale,
While one sits in a corner,
Pondering, Why men don't want her?
The thin ice she falls so deep,
She be so lovely yet so unseen,
keep her at the memories gate,
OH, but that is not her fate,
Not so great a man be so real,
Not a man so brave to save her from the lonliness,
She sees him in a dream,
How can one make the dream so real?
She reaches out to touch him,
He runs away
On a pistol she lay,
Her tomb stone reading "she wont live another day!"
ive been in a writers block and i havent written anything in almost a year, so i hope i still have my edge, Critisize as harsh as you'd like i dont mind i feel it'll help me grow
Comments
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you got the edge this is so cool
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Thanks for allowing me to critisize, but there is nothing to critisize. it is amazing. i know how hard writer's block can be, and the first time i tried to write something after i had had writer's block it sounded horrible. you pull this together so well. Great work.
TheHeartOfEverything
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