Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Black Holes, Beware!!!

Missing image

 

 

A black hole came toward me
at first it did enthrall,
football sized, like boys would kick
,
not large, but not too small.

It stopped just there in front of me

about a foot away,
it didn’t seem to want to move,
this was not to be my day!

I tried to walk around it
but it stayed there for a while,
I moved forward, so did it

at first it made me smile.

My smile soon turned to downright rage
escape I could not see,
this hole just kept on staring
it was right in front of me.

I thought someone would notice

this hole was very black,
I tried to turn around
and to keep it at my back.

But instantly, it then appeared

right in front of me,
I thought I’d try and touch it

but nothing I could see.

At first my hand went through it

at least that's what I thought,
as I peered around it
my nerves were very taut.

Then I felt a tugging
a pulling on my arm,
the force so strong it held me

it meant to do me harm.

I felt my body lifting,
my feet were off the ground,
I was being pulled inside

but black was all I found.

I disappeared on that day

nothing could they find,
just a handbag lying there

 

had they all been blind?




In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Gwenevere
    December 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done on this.I hope they manage to find you again on the other side, Ros


  • JinSays gold member
    December 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thie flow of this is pitch perfect.
    Absolutely wonderful, thank you for entering this, and I wish you this best.


  • aslanlight
    December 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Original and fun!

    Love it! This is a great deal of fun but also touches on the nature of a Black Hole, that it sucks everything in. The flow, meter and rhyme scheme are excellent as far as I can tell, though I'm no expert on rhyme. All in all pretty smartly done and I can't find anything to criticise, though I'm supposed to be practising that for a class and group (they check my comments you know!)


  • Robbwindow
    December 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well done Sue

    Great imagery and your story unfolds well the ryhme schemes are fun. However the ending suggests the bypassers appear to be the blind ones. Yes this sounds a scary experience. Well done thanks for sharing this imagery. I like this poem.


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    February 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully Dark

    Now I thought that this was very very good indeed. The reason I say that, is because there have been actual cases of 'black holes' appearing and following people. Even swallowing people up. This was great because it was dark, and weird at the same time. It is stories like this one, that I normally read about.

    Great imagery, great emotion in this as well. Your anger growing, knowing that the thing was following you ( other people have felt this in the past .) All in all. A great piece of 'Dark' Writing. Well done for this. xx

1 - 5 of 5