Strong love over distance
can it hold on to the marks of time?
Survive the loneliness inside?
So many days another scar to bring for the
fears that take hold of your breathing.
Disabled on your daily routines,
..your future unsure and open,
a silence that fills the strong beats
of a heart that almost explodes.
Painfully reminding you of this separation.
Searching way’s to overcome all the tears
while emptiness surrounds your world.
Holding on to something so strong
so afraid to lose that beautiful feeling
Can strong love over distance
hold on to the marks of time?
Author notes
This poem has won a few....I don't know exactly how many..I thought 4 times, with one silver, one gold...well it is one of my favorites..although I have many more favs* grin *
While i was listening to all the songs we can add here i was captured by this one...i listened it a dozen times and i loved the song for it's sadness, the voice, the music..just everything fitted my emotions.
This poem just excisted inside my head
If you read the words of the song you probably can imagine it...
Don't forget to listen to the song
Breathe by Tryad
Lyrics by John Holowach
[back-up]
Oh I wonder,
Is this all?
Oh I wonder,
Is this all?
There's a place
Deep down inside
Where I breathe,
I concede
To the sea
Oh I wonder,
Is this all
I see?
There's only
You and me.
As I wonder,
Will you wait for me,
While I struggle
To breathe?
[brief interlude]
Yes I wonder,
Will you wait for me,
While I struggle
To breathe?
So cast aside all doubt
To the wind,
Let it float away to the sea,
As I breathe,
As I breathe.
Yes I wonder,
Will you wait for me,
While I struggle
To breathe?
[following is layered]
I struggle
To breathe
Will you be there?
I struggle
I struggle
To breathe
Yeah...
I struggle
To breathe
I struggle x8
To breathe
In a list
A contest entry
- How many miles would you go? by JackFellDown.
475 points, ended January 10, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do not forget to listen to the song before you comment...
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Very good
This fits nicely with the cutting undertone of such a journey. I can definently relate to the
" silence that fills the strong beats
of a heart that almost explodes.
Painfully reminding you of this separation"
I have felt that exact thing many a time. Not rhymeing but a decent piece none the less. I enjoyed a different approach.
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Beautiful
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I know that song, and your poem captures it beautifully. Great write.
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Stunning, well done a deserving piece!
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I can certainly understand why this won a few awards; wow!
This is absolutely a wonderful piece!
Wishing you all the very best of everything!!! -
Time becomes a simple thing when love is what you reach for...The glory of that little moment makes all life worth living...There is no distance when two hearts meet and yes my sister~ time stands still
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For anyone interested in hearing this song, and I would highly suggest it. The piano opening is a soothing start.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxqcIvu4fR8
Until you feel the true essence behind this write, and it's place of fruition, then fully understanding it could be difficult.
'Can strong love over distance
hold on to the marks of time?'
A great question that in my eyes, can only be answered when time stands still for someone I know and love from a distance.
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the slight repetition of the first and last stanza was very powerful. and the message was very well received. i enjoyed this one! its been awhile since i've read a well written poem like this. :]
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I liked this, especially the way the first lines are turned into a question at the end. It is a question I would like to know the answer to. I also really liked the middle section especially : 'your future unsure and open,
a silence that fills the strong beats
of a heart that almost explodes.' Thank you for your entry and good luck =] -
I like this a lot. I enjoyed the ideas it had. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
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I liked this.
different, and nice.
thank you for the entry
and best of luck.
|aiko| -
oh and PS, lol the song is what is on my page on my free weeks! lmao. I keep one tab set to it so I can hear it over and over, hehe. It kinda reminds me of a song in a game called Darkstone, would love to find that song again someday!
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LD relationships are hard hard HARD!, Strangely enuf my beloved Vic and i strted that way, but then it was not a long time one that way either, hehe. LOved the pic and the write was well deserving of the gold! WTG! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e *
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I loved the poem Jeannette, what more can i say when i don't have the words to express myself anymore. You know what i'm going through right now and how stressful things are for me, but always know that i hold you in my heart always no matter what i'm doing. Only 14 days to go
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I was already preparing the answer myself I see.
No...it can not...but at least we tryed... -
The best answer I could get....
Listen to my heart
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great poem amazing word choice thanks for entering aqnd good luck
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Congratulations!
Congratulations on winning gold, it truly deserves it. A very awesome poem. Have a good day.
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Oh hun! This is so emotional. Yes, true love can survive anything. The heart and spirit knows no distance. Awesome write. Just beautiful. Best of luck in the contest.
Jeannie
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THANK YOU !!!!
Thank you so much for your understanding words....
XXJeannette
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Anything that is true and real can overcome anything; even if it doesn't always happen as and when we want it to...
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THANK YOU !!!!
Thank you ezilana, you know exactly what is going on...
..and your words just make me
again.
XXJeannette
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thanks for the lovely entry,
and good luck in the contest -
Beautiful
This piece is absolutely gorgeous my friend. You did an awesome job writing this. Good luck to you in this contest.
Keep writing
Countrybabe
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I liked this....
'Twas a very unique write! Not like anything really I have ever read before, and trust me, I have read a lot!
But yah, I could definitely feel all the love for the long-distance relationship in this! Good job and good luck!!!!
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Such a lovely poem Best wishes to you in the contestdove
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What a lovely poem to go with the music of the original song You've really delved into the meaningfulness and sadness, your poem is beautiful
Good luck in the contest
Dee
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excellent expression
Your words tell of the yearning to be with your love. It is so difficult to have a long distance relationship. You express insecurities that you feel at times, and I know if love is real, it can survive most anything.
The song is really beautiful, and your poem translates the emotions in the song very well.
Great job my friend,
Ethereal Melody 
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THANK YOU !!!!
Now you make me again
you friend
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The music is such you may sing your poem into a song to this tune..
Honest open musings.. The experience of this pain, love and a hunger? all together resulting in these questions.. But as I have come to believe, true love is but just that 'precious moment'... It stays with u forever :-) Feelings and memories may not seem too much to hold on I guess, but then it also makes us feel complete? Just thinking out 'loud...
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THANK YOU !!!!
That precious moment that stays with you forever....
now you make me again with these beautiful words..
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I struggle
I struggle
To breathe
WOW love , this hit hard ...been crying too..lol what can I say , even when we know the truth , even when we know , you can't stop yourself from loving ...I may say for the rest of my life I am over him , but I will never be...excellent piece love ...my friend love hits hard
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THANK YOU !!!!
Just don't forget to breathe...and to love
Thnxs mate
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awwwwwww You've done a wonderful job hun...it was very touching and it was very deep..the song is beautiful..
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THANK YOU !!!!
Now you make me again....
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