sun shone
on grandmother's bed.
There was a circus in town
and all the
psychological definitions
said as much as the quiet monkey
I wanted to hold.
Peace embroidered the universe
the day you stole
most of my red watercolor stash
and told me to die.
Author notes
Except for the red watercolor, take everything literally.
Edited Dec. 8, 2007
In a list
A contest entry
- Only the Strong Survive by Quixotically Yours.
550 points, ended February 21, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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A deep write that made me think abandonment..
I don't know why but it struck that chord in me.
shari
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Thank you. It is about abandonment, indeed
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A write that compels one into the depths of what is left unsaid. Even taken literally, this flows, no~
floods with metaphoric turbulence; a life interrupted. Blue
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I hate to use the word, since so many of us bandy it about, but BEAUTIFUL. Simple and powerful. It is really well done!
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your poetry is beautiful.
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Thanks
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Yeah, those bad moments stick with us a lot longer than the good ones, unfortunately. Thank you for entering the contest.
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Lovely poem, extremely well-written, the imagey is beautiful.Keep it up!
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Fascinating
An intriguing poem that somehow transforms the subjective to objective yet retains a personal tone.I took the " red watercolour stash " to be something you cherished and lost and by its loss in circumstances tragic for you, nothing could ever be the same. The initial lines speak to me of innocence and naivety but the last lines tell of the breakdown of that innocence and trust. Well written Diana. camus
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Thank you very much.
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Red watercolor stash, blood? This was a great write. Sorry you had to go through such a horrible time. Hope letting it out in words helps to ease the pain.
Sam
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Thank you very much for your kind comment, Sam. It is much appreciated. I only wish the one I'm referring to read this, but yes, writing about such things does help.
~Diana
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"quiet monkey"? I'm feigning ignorance (or am really ignorant- take your pick), but what exactly does this phrase signify? lol. Your author notes say the red is a metaphor, but a metaphor for what? (Yes, sometimes, I like to ask specifically- though I can draw my own conclusions). Other than the questions I had, however, this was a telling and honest piece, and I enjoyed the length and the language of it. The only thing I didn't really like was "more than even you could"... I think it's the "even" that made the line read too wordy for me. Otherwise, fantastic reading
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By the way, I think you were right so I revised that line a bit, in case you want to take another look.
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I love it. Just that one change kept the beautiful simplicity of this piece. There was really a monkey? lol. I'm so used to people using lofty metaphors that to actually read something, and that's how it really is, throws me a bit. Sigh. It's a nice change of pace, let me tell you
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Thank you for the comment. To be honest, you're not ignorant, just not as superficial as myself, because the quiet monkey was just that, a monkey I saw that day. Like you said, this poem is mostly telling but I do hope this doesn't take from the quality (I generally prefer showing). As for red... I wanted readers to get their own ideas, but since you asked, I meant it as a symbol for life, passion, love, etc. Thanks again for the comment, I appreciate it.
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I really like the simplicity of this poem. It's both beautiful and sad and very, very quiet. I feel like it needs to be whispered, or be said sitting on a bed with a dusty ray of light filtering through a window. I don't understand the metaphor, but since this is a personal poem, that's okay; it's meant for you and you alone. Beautiful words and imagery. All around, a fantastic write. Thanks for entering my contest.
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awesome
wow this was strong. and by far the best I have read today! you should write a follow up on it. this was very good. right now I am so speechless I don't know what all else I should say but keep up the good work
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Thank you for the comment and applauses, it means much to me. Perhaps I will write a follow-up sometime.
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by losing the red water color stash you have to die ...but why?....but it is intersting to read ...good luck
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Thank you for the comment and applauses, Kram. In fact, those two were separate elements. Sort of.
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this is a must read, that i must read again, it is interesting you dida great job on this keep it flowing and good lcuk in the contest
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Ooohhh... yeah. I like this. One must read it a couple times to fully grasp (and I'm not sure it is fully) this, but each read brings out something else.
Pretty good for a poem with few lines.
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Thank you. I think this is one of my most personal poems so maybe that's why it's harder to understand, but I'm glad you liked it nevertheless.
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Red...some people prefer red roses, but I don't, because somehow red equals love or a circus, yet in the very same breath it equals loss and death and so very often shame too. And somehow those "red things" stay with us the longest, even when they are "bad" (or mad or sad for that matter). The last few lines are so powerful and so many-layered in interpretation. I liked this one - truly - it is unique, concise and the metaphor of red so vivid and strong.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you for the comment, Nicolette. Unfortunately for the circumstances in this poem though, I was talking about the good implications of red
Thanks for taking the time to read and share your thoughts on my poem.
~Diana
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