Another Story
Daily chronicle, damn that thing,
stealing the song my heart did sing
Coffee, paper, then start my day,
dashing to work, no time to play
Stealing the song my heart did sing,
another story, sure does sting
Crawling through traffic, half aware,
lonely people with a blank stare
Coffee, paper, then start my day,
another story, lends dismay
Dashing to work, no time to play,
dithers had I, it’s home I’d stay
Murder and rape just make my day,
all I can do is hope and pray
Another story, like a bee sting,
daily chronicle, damn that thing
.
.
.
Author notes
Contest rules: use title listed; “Another Story"
Retourne style
Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Yes, I can relate to this sentiment about the newspaper. I feel compelled every morning to read every article, but when I miss reading the paper for a week, I find that I haven't really missed much at all. I guess it is like a soap opera in that sense.
-
I Like it
I was about to make the same comment as below offline.
But now I see your point. Great work.
L.ove A.lways
-
It is good
I have only one complaint. As I have read your poems of this style, and the rules of the form, I heve memorized the guidlines to retourne. You did not stick to them in this one. I don't know if it was intentional, but it is true. The fourth line of quatrain one is the third line in quatrain three instead of the first in quatrain four. Otherwise, this was a good write. It had an interesting message, and I can relate. I see it as meaning starting you day with bad news and running through the day with no time to do what you want. You get up, go to work, and go home. All day, the story from the paper on your mind. It was a good write, whether I am right or wrong.
-
-
You're right! after you learn the form, use it as a tool, don't let it become your master. As a poet, you have the license to bend the rules.
-
-
sorry it's taken me awhile to read this. you did a great job with this and we'll see how you hold up when i make my decisions. good luck.
~Dani~ -
Excellent. Well constructed, wrods wonderfully chosen, pristine sounds, good rythm. The only word I do not like is sting, don't really think the "s" phoneme wroks well 4 times in that line.
-
I love the idea of this style of poetry and I think you've done it amazingly well. I love the feeling of the poem as well as the general structure. Great write.
-
it's like a complicated soap operas that will ultimately control your life! Doesn't get much better than that. Lovely write.
-
You are taking art to another level..your visuals these days are awesome and stunning. If you dotn win this contest, I wil give you my points, because you earned them from what i see in the entries..they pale in comparison. And I dont have a bias opnion today
-
Great flow! Damn you are good!
Damn you are good!
If it bleeds it leads!
This is a powerful statment to the tabloid society we live in...
Where are the positve stories.
Well done. (golf clap)
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
