It was upon a moonlit night,
Upon a night, with the moon so round
You, who were mine of divine right,
Floated in the lap of this uncertain sound.
Your hair was smoke,
A shade darker than the velvet
That the night had wrapped.
You traced fairy lights in the night,
A long roughly carved out snake;
“The birds, the birds!” you screamed,
And you were right,
The fire was burning bright.
Your arms were spread
Like Aphrodite’s archway.
This misfit’s euphoria was bound
In your moonflower eyes.
A contest entry
- *xXDarkXx*xXEyesXx* by dying-gothic-roses.
350 points, ended February 5, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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You have done a great job with this write. There is some amazing imagery used also. Keep writing, this is really nice. I enjoyed reading it. Blessings, Patty
. Rewarded 4
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Wow!
Tell you truthfully, I don't know what to think! It starts off a love poem...then it seems a sudden crisis arises...but then calms down. I'm not sure what to make of it in terms of interpretation, but I like it!
. Rewarded 4
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tis was a very good poem you have a lot of talent and srry i took soo long to juge lol
xX*Cheyenne*Xx*
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. Rewarded 4
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Lovely imagery here. It's a pleasure reading deep poems about eyes like this.
I loved this part especially:
You traced fairy lights in the night,
A long roughly carved out snake -
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thanks a lot
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wow very good. my favorite part was:
"Your hair was smoke,
A shade darker than the velvet
That the night had wrapped."
i just liked it the best. i am glad that you wrote this. it is enteresting. well good job on your poem and dont ever stop writing.
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wow great I like your style of writing . Your words were great.Like aphrodite's archway.This misfit's euphoria was bound. Great words. Keep writing. Can you give me feedback on my poem Love of my life.
. Rewarded 4
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Great write
I loved and enjoyed your write. Your style is different but interesting. The only thing I didn't like was in some places you rhymed and in others you didn't. It started with a flow then it would stop and then pick up again. The words you used were so descriptive.. That’s what keep the write interesting. (Lisa)
"You traced fairy lights in the night,
A long roughly carved out snake;
“The birds, the birds!” you screamed,
And you were right,
The fire was burning bright."
. Rewarded 4
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thanks a lot
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I enjoyed reading this! The words enchanted me, and I wanted to keep on reading, finding out more! It's really awesome!! It flows and it feels like it enters my mind... I had to read it twice!! Great! It surprised me.
. Rewarded 4
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thanks
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You want analysis of tthe poem
but how do you analyze random figments of someone's imagination?
Your hair was smoke,
A shade darker than the velvet
That the night had wrapped.
is my favorite passage from this... the 'story' goes downhill from there. The imagery is still technically great, but I'm a sucker for logical conclusions.
So, yeah, I've enjoyed it in a small way, but I'm at a loss in other ways.
How about this... it's pretty but not compelling. -
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thanks for commenting...and i didn't mean this poem to be logical...
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This was a very intereting poem. I enjoyed it, in an odd way. Not sure that makes sense. It's not the normal type of poem I enjoy.
. Rewarded 4
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thanks, though i wish you could analyse the poem rather than generalise your comment...but thanks anyways, it's appreciated
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