Yesterday......
A golden-fruit appeared in the apple tree ,
in my garden.
It grew ripe and fleshy.
I plucked it to share with you.
BUT..
Where were you ? I waited in vain.
Yet,You came in the night,
cut the fruit, shared with me, in a dream.
To day
I find the fruit in the tree , the knife, shining
still on the table.
Tomorrow...
You may come and share it with me,(in a dream?)
wont you ...?
?..
Author notes
ARADIA CONTEST
A contest entry
- A metaphorical message to the missing by Dienush.
750 points, ended February 19, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darken Us Up with Your Comedic Genius and Romantic Attitude by So Strange.
1000 points, ended September 7, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - b/r/o/k/e/n[love]or_ just- lies by oldphotosonlybringt.
450 points, ended November 11, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST MAKE ME SAY "WOW!" by Amy Meneses.
800 points, ended November 14, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - When Things Fall Apart by reckless abandon.
390 points, ended August 23, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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waiting...always waiting?
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I like this, it is certainly anything but a typical poem. This shows good talent. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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The contents is beautiful, moving, and sad. A bit of editing would help. I really like this one.
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This is pretty; I like it.
It's quite fancy.
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I liked that... it was kinda mysterious! NIcely penned!
Peace and Love
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"dream, dream, dream when I want you..."
Interesting how the time elapses and the fruit is really still there... like your hope maybe? But are you not lying to yourself? Though I can't argue that sometimes it is nice to just dream!
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nice
you have a lot of hidden meanings behind the symbolic golden fruit.
Smile,
Judy
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Very nice...dreamy and wonderful! Thanks for sharing you heart.
Blessings~
Az
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This was interesting but I think this needs more imagery here of the tree and the fruit. This would work great as an extended metaphor. I just have a belief that brief poems should really say a lot even though there are so little words so this may just be my opinion. It just didn't move me.
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excellent write i wish you the best of luck in this contest as well as your future writes keep up the great work
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I love your wording in this.
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This is fabolus.
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it is a diff dp. than i am use to
but all the same i think it was wounderful, thank you lots for entering the contest just do me one small thing go back and put your ap name in the notes, other than that great poem and best of luck..xxx -
hmm great write. good luck in the contest!
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A mystical love....Nice going!
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Thank God, it was your apple, it could be your piece of sugarcane with a pair of pears hanging below.
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......any way-- thank you
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hey this reminded me of mango...pretty simple yet delicious lol
keep going bro
A
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Wellwritten poem
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A very good imaginative poem indeed. Though a dream is not actual thing, you wish it that it happens..a good write. Thank you for sharing..thanks also for commenting on my poem.
Are you information officer in 'NIC'.O.K. I am also from India and I have some friends in "NIC" -
It has the promise of a fine story but I, personally would not be interested in this dream.
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wow a golden-fruit. this represents the following things: a lot of money, some bitch, some crazy thought that you probly care about too much. wow kram u r just effing genious. so there is some pile of inocent fucking money and you want to rape it with some dude o f all it is wort,. woooowwww kram but hte other person will only do it in a dream kram it is amazing u rape your money u big sick man. now read my poem.
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GOOD MEASUREMENT
you cannot measure uneven objects with a scale. -
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i could measure the inside of your head with a scale but the scale might float away
from all that
HOT
AIR -
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blind men and elephant
It reminds of the story --blind men and elephant -
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vike and viking
it reminds ME of the story of vike and viking.
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(Counted fifteen). This is a very good idea, but I find the form, or lack of it, too loose and meandering. I think that's what you had in mind, however, and my opinion is only personal taste, after all. Best of luck in the contest.
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thanks for yr comments
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The metaphor of the golden fruit is very good. Unfortunately, the rules said entries should be no longer than 15 lines, so if you could change it just a bit or do something to have fewer lines it'd be nice, because the idea is really good and whether or not it'll be one of the top three in the contest I wouldn't want some simple rule to keep it behind. The whole piece is very suggestive and powerful. It makes for a pleasant read, though I feel there are a little too many filler words/lines. On the other hand, I sense a lot of potential in this as a poem, and as a message it has exactly what I was hoping for and I'm sure that if the person you're referring to reads it, they'll understand and appreciate it. Thank you for entering.
~Diana
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