In the darkest of night
by the light of the moon
walking down the alleyways
in the nighttime completely attune.
Wishing for a flashlight to see
for it is the midnight gloom
that I walk alone
this darkness does entomb.
Drifting along in the nightime stars
a melody of sounds, crickets, bats,and air
but I hear another sound a clip clop of shoes
behind me of this I am more then aware.
What is this sound that I hear
is someone there behind me
slowly I advance towards the light
hoping that it there I will see.
Towards my home I start to run
but somewhere back there is a noise
of the one that follows me
clip clop of the shoes that destroys.
Tap,Tap the sound of a cane
one that will be here to save me
I hope that is what he or she will do
no more shoes do sound that use to be.
I see him standing there before myself
wearing a cloak the color darkest black
run towards him I surely do
only to find that I am taken aback.
Fangs do curl over his lip
nails the talon's claw
eyes that mesmerize
perfect man no flaw.
Walks towards me he does
graceful like a cat
his eyes they do hold me
pinprick on my skin can do that.
He has me in his grasp
drinking deeply of my blood
making me his bride with a crimson flood.
Lay me down as I grow faint
upon the ground
cold I do not feel
just that which is around.
Vampyre husband he became to me
I will be in his power
once I wake from this deathly sleep
upon the morrow.
Author notes
Option 1
In a list
A contest entry
- Fantasy Options by BittersweetPhantasm.
475 points, ended February 9, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires and Blood! by okadadokie.
500 points, ended February 23, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You do a good job of invoking a dark mode particularly surrounding sounds. I like the "clip clop" and "tap tap" of this sinister sounds. They do a great job conjuring a sense of danger and suspense. The poem makes you feel hunted. There are a few places however where you could tweak word order or choice to either improve clarity or flow, but overall a very nice poem.
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Darkness surrounds this poem. Yes! I was caught in suspense. I love poems with blood or death in them. And anything with fangs makes me shiver. Well done. Good luck.
~Oka
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Interesting write Abariel. One I enjoyed but I know you can do so much better. Keep up the writing my friend, I can't wait to read more. Peace, JT
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heh - this is a nice poem. however, why does the tenth stanza only have three lines where all the rest have four? and also the rhyme of power and morrow - i'm not sure it works.
apart from that this is a very good write.
well done and good luck.
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