Monday morning, 8 o'clock
I'm gonna be a laughingstock
She took my car, she took my keys
She went to Chicago without telling me.
I lost my money, I lost my girl
My two favorite things in all of the world
I'd been tricked and I could see,
She went to Chicago without telling me.
Empty cup of coffee on the kitchen table
I tried to comprehend it, I was unable
I made myself a cup of tea,
She went to Chicago without telling me.
She was gone, I knew for certain
I tried her cell phone but it rang behind the curtain
I couldn't even call, I couldn't plea
She went to Chicago without telling me.
I went back to bed, there was nothing to do
The only thing left was to sleep this one through
She took my car, she took my keys
She went to Chicago without telling me.
A contest entry
- Where's my stinkin' trophy? by Great Cthulhu.
1500 points, ended April 25, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Cold...
That's some cold hearted blues, my friend. Ice cold. I enjoyed this immensely, impressive verse. This is my favorite line: "I tried her cell phone but it rang behind the curtain" - that's just cold, left the phone. Well done! Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering!
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i like it....a lot. it's weird to me how you write about stuff that you've never experienced but you write it with such conviction that i have to believe you've experienced it.
i love you and i would never go to chicago without you
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Ouch. An unfortunate, though well-written, piece. Repeating the line "She went to Chicago without telling me" throughout the work doesn't seem redundant. Rather, it seems to show your thought process and shock. Having it run through your mind over and over shows that it's important and unbelievable (hard to comprehend or cope with) at the same time.
Good job
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