He is always here beside me,
And never before did I see
How wonderful he could be!
We share everything
From smiles to laughter
and even got drowned with each other’s tears
as we mingle our deepest fears.
His beautiful heart, his musical words
when my eyes flow
His strength and calmness
in times of temper
More than anybody else he cares
and more than them he hears;
as we dance among the stars
and hold on to each other when the tempest blows
We’ve glided a long way together
And I shine in the happy realization that no matter what
our bond is still as firm as ever
still growing closer every single day
Through tidal waves and sunshine,
We’ve carved a path and
forged a way
and built up our friendship
to make it like none others
I feel lucky to have been blessed by
sharing my life with someone so special
My best friend, mine only.
Together we will share so much more
and I know for sure that our bond will only
strengthen
as we face the storms that are yet to come,
hand in hand,
fingers laced,
and
a love that I will forever cherish in my heart.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Hoodwink!!!
Oh Neera, This is such a beautiful and touching poem. you write with such imagery and express yourself so beautifully. It always makes my heart feel so much love inside.
Love & light
Debbera
I nominated you for a Hoodwink, from our group the Poetic Bandits. I am sorry i was late responding.
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Beautiful
G'Day angelelectra ♥
This is such a beautiful write; I had tears in my eyes as I read this but they were good tears of course
You are very lucky and blessed
Stay safe
~Amanda
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Loved it!
It's simply amazing!
I'm sure whoever you wrote this to will be glad to see it!
Wonderful poem. Kepp writing! -
"fingers laced"
^Liked that.
I could see this as a song. Such a lovely person you're describing!
Thanks for reading my piece and leaving such an encouraging comment!
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Bonita
This is awesome, being a guy I would love for someone to write something like this about me. good job.
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Yay for love! I enjoyed the read, maybe it didn't need to be so long, but either way it was still cute and i liked the tone expressed.
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This is such a beautiful poem, the feelings flow so deeply thought every line!
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I love the message in your poem. it was very sweet. I did get tripped up sometimes tough. With some work this poem will be perfection. Keep up the good work!
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You asked for comments... Well, this is clearly written with great sincerity, but it does need a little more work on technique. I find the rhythm stumbles in places, and the choice of language seems sometimes a little out of key with the poem as a whole - in particular, I found "happy realization" a little awkward.
Likewise, although there is absolutely nothing against mixing rhyme, half-rhyme and non-rhyme in the same poem, if needs to be done very skilfully, or you risk provoking the (subconscious) impression that you started out with the idea of rhyming throughout - but then could not manage it). Do be careful of this!
(in fact, I do like very much the glide of half-rhymes: "cares.hears/stars" - I just wish you could have have managed more such. The full rhyme "tears/fears" however does strike me as a little "shop-worn". And although I assume that the reference to "tidal waves" (i.e. tsunami) is metaphorical - at least I hope it is - I query the plural here. Have you and your "friend" really experienced together such a plurality of grade-A disasters?
You probably will think this excessively harsh - but you asked for comments. And, as I said, there is no doubting the sincerity of your poem. What you need to work on is the technique to express it in the best possible way.
Unfortunately, at the moment, I am not feeling strong enough to give you a critique in detail. Nor, in my opinion, would it really be appropriate since you have entered it for a competition that is still open. (Surely competition entries should be one's own unaided work?). However, the above few hints may give you perhaps some ideas about what to work on. -
Aww. this piece is so sweet! It flows so nicely and even as a free write it's great! Nice work!
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HAHA!! THAT'S ABOUT JOSH!!!!
i know it is
very nice sis!!did u show him tht?
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it is a delightful write although a bit too long. such lenght is justified when the poem evolves and reveales new material not repetitions or mere elaborations of the same idea, at least - that's my personal opinion.
Also, although it has a delightful air and flow, it lacks in poetic devices such as images, metaphors and similes. it is always good to write from the heart, but then one has to work on the poem just written to enrich it, polish it and such.
good luck in your cont!
rachel -
This is a very beautiful and inspiring write. The message is well written. The flow and tone is solid. You really did a superb job here. Thank you for expressing this.
SNAPPY
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Great write
i enjoyed reading it, esp the diction and imagery....job well done and good luck in the future! -
i love the idea of this poem and think its great and full of emotion, but it seems to lack something.. im not quite sure what.. but in some parts it doesnt seem very poem-like, if that makes sense.
i love the phrase "fingers laced" -
oh my what a beaitiful love poem you have penned your wording is fantasic you imagery is just divine and your heart is so pure beautiful love you hold in your heart amazing poem so beautifullu written staright from a loving heart
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How nice to read a work of love's inspiration.
I feel as though I should not bring the full force of my reviews to bear upon this work as it is more a declaration of joy and life than poetry. (Many people find those to be catagorically mutually inclusive, I don't, but not out of a dislike of snetiment.)
Good luck in your future works. :-) -
"We’ve glided a long way together" and "fingers laced." Loved those. Very nice.
Reminded me of my boyfriend. Very pretty and flowing. -
Beautiful
This is an inspiring poem, it makes me wish that I had a best friend like that. You two are very lucky to have eachother. Good Luck with everything. And keep up the good work. -
This is gr8! You have so much energy in this...wonderful...thanks for sharing.
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Sweet!
This is really good! Truthfully, I like the fact the whole thing is easy to read Great Job!I also like it because I have a friend like that it's my fiance, he is my best friend, even though I'm not sure he realizes how much I depend on him when I tell him stuff...
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Sentiments well expressed in these lines - easy to read and understand what you are writign about here. Flows well, wonderful to have a friend like this - and a relationship this strong and loving.
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wow! its such a beautiful poem, infact its very relatable n i looove these lines!
hand in hand,
fingers laced,
and
a love that I will forever cherish in my heart.
its poem tht touches my heart...
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BEAUTIFUL AND HEARTFELT !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello Neeera, how is my sweet AP daughter. Hope all is well. You poem is simply beautiful. Your words speak of a wonderful relationship. You seem to have found a best frind in the one you love. That is wonderful when 2 people can find that and share. I wish you both many blessings. You take care my friend. Sandy
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Thanks soooo much!!
Thanks so much mum!! am really glad u liked the poem!!
Hope everything's running smoothly for you! Take care, and thank you again!
love,
neera
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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
A poem about a best friendship!!! These ones can actually show so much more caring than ones about boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, because usually best friends have been that close for several years maybe! You really showed me in this how much you love your relationship with your friend! Good job!!!
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This is amazing, I loved the rhyming and the sense of love is strong.
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Your best friend is lucky to have you! Lovely poem,well expressed and ideal background...something that has come a long way, but still holding on.Simple style, I like it.
Your title is equally relevant...i think this is a particularly good write. -
This is so beautiful, what a tribute you have pened to your most cherished partner in life and love. A blessing to have found a richness of love and happiness.
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A very passionate dedication. I'm sure you your best friend would appreciate it. It can be felt that whatever you are saying you are saying it from your heart - your sincerity makes the poem even more powerful in terms of its message.
On a more technical side: My suggestion is that you either get rid of the rhyme completely or make it sound more wholesome, as in some parts it sounded rather forced.
Oh, and one more thing - may I'm stupid and don't get something, but then you say "We share everything
From smiles to laughter" - that doesn't give an impression of long range of emotions. I mean if you said "We share everything From tears(sorrow) to laughter" (or something of the sort) it gives a wider range and sounds more impressive.
Of course these are just some stupid suggestions of a complete poetry loser, so please don't be offended.
Regards and good luck in the contest!
Jan
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This poem really touched me. It was so inspiring and uplifting. Perhaps the reason it hits me deeply is because it reminds me of someone very dear to me and how we support each other each day. I loved the middle stanzas especially. Your ending is powerful too and leaves me with a warm uplifting feeling.
Your opening stanza is good too, but compared to the rest of the poem, it could be a bit more powerful.
Thank you for sharing!
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