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Nowhere...

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Where should  I spread my bed sheet......?
On the left is scorpion and spider
On the right stinking garbage
Beside the window , falling water
Near the doors, stamping feet

  In the middle hangs invisible meaninglessness
Near the middle sways saturated nothingness
On the wall leans choking depression
Frozen life sleeps on the floor

Dead yesterdays’ pricking pain
Burning today’s frightening flames
Unborn tomorrows’ wild threatening
Reverberating in the air

Dumb words hit on my head
Creeping revenge blocks my way
Stinging hatred paralyses the heart
Venomous greed slips thro’ the roof
Cold passion permeates around
And secrecy searches a place to hide
Detachment........

Author notes

no.10"i find myself alone with no center,no home" If you should go by Armin Van Buuren featuring Susana

unwanted forgotten by The Twitching Peanut

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • AshesFromFire
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting...the meter almost seems broken...and at the same time that seems to be the point.
    All i can say is very interesting.
    Good luck in my contest.


  • cheeku
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well done!!!! I loved how you incorporated your emotions in this poem as well as your outstanding imagery! Thank you so much for entering!!!


  • Lola Green
    August 22, 2008

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    Really touching! Sorry you had to go through this. Must admit the feeling you are describing is one in my not so distant memory! HORRIBLE to feel so lost!

    Lovely poetry and I hope to see this one win in the future.

    Lola


  • skilter
    August 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice flow, well written.


  • vampireblood
    August 8, 2008

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    This had some great word choice. At some points I didnt quite understand what the poem was about. But either way it flowed well. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
    <3 Vampy


  • Vidasmoke
    July 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice, i like the way you explain things
    good luck

  • OhNoChastity
    June 30, 2008

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    I'd have to say, I think this poem engulfs the prompt perfectly. It shows the loss, the confusion, and the lack of perfectly. It's a great description of that feeling, and takes the prompt and expands it wonderfully.

    I love the second line "On the left is scorpion and spider". It immediately caught my attention. The creatures are some of the least satisfying and the symbolism is very strong, blatant, yet not so obvious it steals from the poem.

    I love the alliteration you used throughout the poem. It's noticeable, and unforced, which can happen a lot in poetry. It can be annoying, but you managed to keep it simple and beneath the surface so it wasn't distracting and the concentration of the poem.

    Overall, this is very well done. My only suggestion would be that it's a bit overdone with metaphors. Each line has at least one metaphor, and it makes reading a bit tedious because although some are quick for the brain to figure out, the others take some time. It's a bit condensed.

    Good job, though, and thank you for entering. I hope to see more from you!

    -Jen

  • b497
    June 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    :::yawn:::


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    June 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. I could get a feel for the surroundings but also for the emotions attached. I enjoyed the read

    Thanks for entering


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A well penned poem, dark and depressing.

    I confess though I am unsure how this really is inspired by the picture since it does not match in a way so I am sorry but I am going to DQ this.

    Best of luck in the other contests


  • XXxXBassMeisterxXxX
    May 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was a very strongly worded entry. bery beautiful. I loved it. It was such a great read. I am bery proud of you.


  • Leila
    May 10, 2008

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    Just a quick comment to say thanks for entering this into my contest, sorry you didnt win but obviously there can only be three trophies given, which is a shame cause in this contest there deserved to be alot more winners! xxx


  • leander Moderators member
    February 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite a dark and rather depressing poem that you have written here. It has some great metaphors inside and the imagery is good as well.

    The second line is grammatically a bit wobbly. Maybe it is better to put: 'on the left is a scorpion and a spider'? It's also possible that I get it wrongly because English isn't my maternal language.

    Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest - I wish you the best of luck!
    Leander


  • A Poet Named Kyoto
    July 22, 2007
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    Great word choice, awesome flow! I enjoyed reading this!


  • crimsondew
    July 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Fabulous

    It is such an intense poem displayed invery beautiful imagery...

  • aqua -rius
    May 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    fine poem

    nila..
    every theme when this author in her spirit visits becomes a spirit. isn't time a baloon in the hands of a curious child?


  • SensualWhispers
    March 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Where should I spread my bed sheet......?
    On the left is scorpion and spider
    On the right stinking garbage
    Beside the window , falling water
    Near the doors, stamping feet

    In the middle hangs invisible meaninglessness
    Near the middle sways saturated nothingness
    On the wall leans choking depression
    Frozen life sleeps on the floor'

    great poem.. thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. kassie

  • Just4u
    February 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It is the people within the walls that makes the "home"
    and not the wall themselves...

    Hugs...Eddy


    Last line verse one should be "stomping" I believe


  • Silent Moon
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Incredible!

    This was just amazing...I love, love, love your phrasiology in this piece. I love the battle of deciding what type of lonliness you want. That was just amazing. And thank you for the comments...they were very kind!
    ~Silent Moon


  • Room without doors gold member
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    I thought this was dark and intense with a sense of deep sadness and hopelessness. The imagery was unexpected and the poem has a lot of strength. A great soul searching poem. Best of luck in the competition.


  • Touchof1der silver member
    February 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This seeps of great sadness and the imagery pulls the reader into the inner darkness of your world. I appreciate you taking the time and making the effort to enter my contest. Thank you and good luck!
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • Poetdontknowit
    January 31, 2007

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    NICE

    Awesome write you have penned here. Such fabulous vocabulary and imagery, I think it is just perfect for the contest! I wish you much luck! keep on penning
    POETDONTKNOWIT


  • dustookie2
    January 31, 2007

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    Shades of the night and the chaos within this post bring all kind of thoughts into play...full of imagery and under the direction of your lines and emotive description filling the senses as you walk the journey of this dark piece. You keep the intensity to the ending where to hide where to escape which bting me back to the title...and thi i the lat thougth and images that are left to linger in the mind of the reader. Thank you for the pleasure


  • grannyeri gold member
    January 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    From the sounds of the words in the poem, there is really no place that you think you can spread your sheet and lay down. No place you can or want to call home at the moment. Nothing is safe or secure, according to this write. Great word combinations you have used here - makes one imagine all kinds of situations and settings. Detachment - interesting ending - like you really cannot focus on any one place, instead just roam.


  • msjjackson
    January 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    great*rose*

    That was a cool write, Very visual and feeling, nice job, I especially liked lines 7,8,9,10

1 - 25 of 25