The dark wraps its arms around me, strangling me
Its hard to breathe
I can't open my eyes through my tears
I can feel my heart pounding in my ears
Help Me, I plea, but like always I'm not heard
The silence is too loud
My mind starts to cloud
This nightmare won't end
I need time to mend
My reopened wounds
I glance to the left,
I glance to the right
My vision, obscurred in the night
The chains are still there
Binding my forearms
As my nether arm have been torn away
I scream as my blood drops to the floor in a pool
This creature so cruel
Has made my nightmares come alive in my head
And I can't make them stop
So they keep going
Flames lick my skin ever so delicatly, yet it scorches so painfully
I cry out as the smoke fills my lungs
Their firey tongues
Reach up trying to pull me under
The memory of my arms being sunder
I shut my eyes trying to wake up
But I don't
The hurt is so real
I wonder if it surreal
I try one last time to wake myself from this nightmare
But my breathe is short
My body looking very distort
The pain keeps coming like an ongoing blade
I feel my heart slowling slipping away
I do not hesitate to leave this torture
And I go all together
Never to wake up...
Author notes
I read the entire contest page.
A contest entry
- Darkness Calls!!!!! by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended February 6, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your prewrites!!!!! by Nereida Nightshade.
450 points, ended February 19, 2007, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love of the Macabre by Whitefaeryofdeath.
400 points, ended August 1, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
OK, please understand any and all things stated here in regards to changes of this piece are based on personal perspective and nothing more. If you care to use the suggestions is up to you.
I believe you have a well written piece here, however, it appears you have, as well as others, fallen victim to lack of punctuation which can be a powerful device in adding impact to such pieces as this. Also, using capitalization in and of everyline start is not needed. It should only be used for the begining of a sentence, proper nouns and with the use of showing possession of certain nouns. In my opinion you may want to go over this piece and make some alterations to add a more profound and deeper impact with the punctuation.
Thanks for entering and good luck
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