.
The sun sank unhurriedly like a big blazing orange ball,
as stars came out of hiding and shadows began to crawl.
The night was balmy warm as we cuddled upon the seat,
awestruck by the scene before and so exquisitely sweet.
The Li River ran leisurely past draped with evening mist,
an experience in China I’m delighted was never missed.
A new moon bathed the scene in a soft lustrous yellow light,
as we quietly watched spellbound, by the magic of the night.
The moonlight bathed the mist with a gracious eerie glow,
when a breeze born on gentle wings began to softly blow.
It enticed the mist to slowly swirl as a ballerina on a stage,
a Zephyr dancing gracefully across a soft pallid painted page.
The water started moving and ripples danced gaily everywhere,
a myriad of glittering lights as if she was floating on the air.
We sat enthralled as the Zephyr danced, daring not to speak,
with my arm around her softness as I kissed her on the cheek.
She danced and flew about most gracefully on the gentle breeze,
pirouetting and charming with an accomplished elegant ease.
We did not wish to disrupt the scene presented there before,
as we were but newfound lovers knocking upon passion’s door.
Stars smiled down at us for we were a new found couple in love,
holding hands in the moonlight while softly cooing like a dove.
These are moments Heaven sent which we always must embrace,
so I lovingly looked into her eyes and kissed her pretty face.
If I never fall in love again I’ll remember that wonderful night,
when a zephyr did her magical dance in the pale yellow light.
.
Author notes
Bazza Option 1
In a list
A contest entry
- Most beeeeeeeeutiful poems in the world by xXx-lizzy-xXx.
372 points, ended May 11, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Is Writing Your Passion?--Prewrites Allowed by renizzle.
500 points, ended May 20, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me The Love by Dark Whispers.
455 points, ended May 26, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ain't Love Grand? by TheDemonEve.
450 points, ended June 4, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Inspirations by itsadncrzworld.
300 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Paradise by Kaleidoscopeyes.
475 points, ended July 3, 2007, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Inspiration Running 5 Days Only! by DancingShadowCorpse.
300 points, ended July 29, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE ULTIMATE CONTEST '07 Sponsered by The Poetic Bandits by Trueheartforlife.
7500 points, ended August 4, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems With An Asian Theme by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended August 2, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Golden Gallant - Pre-writes for Gold Brilliance by Namita.
300 points, ended August 4, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE ONLY CONTEST by Darc Soul.
700 points, ended September 5, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "Your Favorite Prewrite" by Virgoan.
500 points, ended September 3, 2007, 103 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - mataphores by rexi and eso.
700 points, ended October 7, 2007, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems That Have Won 5 Trophys Or More- Any Color by Mercury Rising.
450 points, ended October 7, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Time Favorite! by Mezclita.
600 points, ended October 13, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your most popular by Beating.
425 points, ended October 26, 2007, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOOKING FOR NEW FAVORITES!!! by Auburn Sunrise.
600 points, ended March 25, 2008, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - happy thinking by second-born.
500 points, ended April 1, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Best Prewrites on Ap by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 25, 50 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking for New Favourites ~ Give me your best by AutumnGypsy.
800 points, ended April 28, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 77 of 77
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how beautiful this piece was, it is all those things we wish for in love, special moments we forget all too soon. Well done. Best to you in the contest
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wow that was a fasinating poem Ballerina are fasinating to me I could never be graceful though lol
The Positives:
A great poem lots of intresting comprisons and great imagery!
The Negatives:
Nothing that I see great job
My Favorite Part:
The water started moving and ripples danced gaily everywhere,
a myriad of glittering lights as if she was floating on the air.
We sat enthralled as the Zephyr danced, daring not to speak,
with my arm around her softness as I kissed her on the cheek.
That was so great!!!
Overall:
I give this an 10/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering. I am going to add you to the finalist list!
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
Interesting take on the ballerina. Very twee poem - I think that's perhaps due to the form, which seems to reduce the flow.
Sarah
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Thank you.
Thank you for such an ibteresting and well run contest, the gold trophy and kind words. i wish to congratulate the other prize winners too as well as all those who supported this contest with their well written works. -
wow...this is truly a magnificent piece...it's so romantic and you've written it with so much sincerity and 'feel-good' rhythm...I could almost see the beauty of the scence you've depicted in your poem...thank you for sharing this lovely write!
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Wow... possibly the most number of contests entered by one poem I've ever seen!
And I can see why you have won so many trophies!
This is just wonderful!
By the way, I am studying Chinese history right now in college (just finished doing a detailed map and reading the great classic "Dream of the Red Chamber") - so this poem was set in the perfect place to get my attention right now!
A wonderful love poem and so well written... it is obvious that you speak with a voice shaped and educated by time itself.
I love it!
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Also, you are being added to my favorites! -
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Quandry
Although I have poems I believe are better, how does one determine their "best" poem?. The one I like most or the one which won the most prizes. I think it is time to put this one to sleep though but it is nice to have concieved something that was enjoyed by many. I am honured you have placed me on your Fav's list and hope you find others just as rewarding. Thanks for the HM and for running a good clean and fair contest. Congratulations also to the other winners and contestants who made this a successful contest.
Bazza
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wow... lol now I have a name to add your score to... your score was a perfect 40...and a automatic bump into the next round.... good luck and thank you.
~lumin -
You need to put you AP name in your author's notes.... then comment me back and I will re-judge it.
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Sorry Put name in wrong box.
Bazza
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Excellent, just great...
I love this poem so much that I had to use it into my blog on stumbleupon.com.
I always remember to add the name of the writer and link to your lovely poem on allpoetry.com.
Hope that it's ok 4 you and there are manny thousand of visitors who are visiting my blog so U got little free advertising and I hope that U also got many more comments, that way.
I hope that is ok 4 you.
Thanks.
Regards from Thor. -
Excellent!
THis poem is full of striking imageries. The first two lines themselves caught me unawares ... "big blazing orange ball"? wow!!! Amazing, dear friend. You have conveyed your intense emotions in the best way possible. I can see everything vividly, and understand your state of mind. I just wish it stays longer, and forever! Favourite lines:
"These are moments Heaven sent which we always must embrace,
so I lovingly looked into her eyes and kissed her pretty face"
Congrats for this poem, and all the wonderful comments and trophies you got for it. Looks like a masterpiece to me
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wow. so beautiful, I can understand why you won all those trophies. I love how you describe love, and how you say you can't wait for that little zephyr to come back. Love it!
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beautiful stuff here... first i thought you were a girl... especially nice to know guys can also be so very sweet! Love the ending... was taken away with this whole write~
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Wow, that's a lot of trophys. Congratulations on winning them all with this fabulous poem. In fact, I believe I gave you one of the trophys myself. Anyway, just a delightful poem. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.
Mercury Rising -
Wow... that's simply amazing. And this is a true poem? Beautiful. I loved the lines:
"It enticed the mist to slowly swirl as a ballerina on a stage,
a Zephyr dancing gracefully across a soft pallid painted page.
The water started moving and ripples gaily danced everywhere,
a myriad of glittering lights as if she was floating on the air."
Your writing is wonderful; you have a great talent. ^^
-Sally
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there was no meter, but it wasnt so eratic that it was too distracting, this was actuly very peaceful to read, i enjoyed it! thank you for entering,
b&p -
The lines rendered and the afterthoughts are really awesome. Welcome to the preliminary finalist
Thanks so much for participating in my contest. I wish you all the best. I encourage you to keep on writing my friend.
>>>VIRGOAN -
This really is beautiful
you picked a cliche kinda thing, which could have went wrong, but what you wrote was anything but cliche
I loved that about it
I liked the rhyme it flowed well, it enhanced it and didn't slow it down
I felt the peace come through in this, I felt the descend and the beauty in it
I really liked that!
Some poetic devices were a bit cliched, like the big orange ball at the start
But the rest were so beautiful and so amazing, I could criticise
Well done, this is amazing
Beautiful job
good luck!
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wow, what a collection of trophies ... I can understand why you won them ... your verse is truly graceful and the imagery through which you share your experience with us, is truly delightful ... you have a real talent to write romantic and sensitive poetry ... I very much enjoyed this read ...
thank you so much,
maa
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You did an awesome job of writing this piece. Thank you for entering it in my contest and best of luck.
carrie
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a great personification of an american sun in the first part, with the flirtacious glair of the stars and the personification of a child like shadow in the poem. what nostalgia in the second stanza- very alluring and very picturesque. the poem as a whole seems very much like an exotic utopia that was gently crafted out of silk words and is an elegant tapestry, most notable and pleasant to read. what a beautiful story
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A painting in verse. Beautiful imagery and word-choice. Thanxx for entering and best of luck.
Luv,
Candy
Contest Holder
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Congratulations on picking up another jug for this work, mate.
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Wonderful painting with words!
Your rhymic words would certainly entrance a young love!
Looks like you've got a pedigree on this poem too!
Always a pleasure to come across your mesmerizing works!
Good Luck in the contest!
Tang
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Well, I can see why you picked up so much cyber hardware with this wonderful poem. I love the long and lyrical lines, and the exquisite and sensuos imagery in this piece. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this marvelous poem.
David
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Man
This was a great poem there are SO MANY GREAT POEMS IN THIS CONTEST!!!!!! You are going to the finals good job. Thanks.
-Alec -
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww this is beutiful I love to love and this is wonderful if i picked my favorite part id have to highlight the whole poem again.
I have picked one becasuse of the alliterationa dn the fantastic words you used description and rhyme are spot on totally loved this you were right.
"The moonlight bathed the mist with a gracious eerie glow,
when a breeze born on gentle wings began softly to blow.
It enticed the mist to slowly swirl as a ballerina on a stage,
a Zephyr dancing gracefully across a soft pallid painted page."
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Please tell me, Bazza, how do you get so many views and comments?
Donald -
This is an incredibly well penned poem that just took my breath away with the unbelievably spectacular imagery! This is a fantastic write and I am pleased to have it in my contest! Thank you for entering, goodluck in the contest!
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good poem but it was hard to keep my attention, im not really understand the poem. sorry. but good over all, best of luck in the contes
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So beautiful and romantic! Very sweet! Good luck in the contest!
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2 oscars...
nice write i see you won 2 oscars for this piece. its a great write dear and even though u are my competition i want to wish you the best of luck of striking gold on this in your chance of winning a 3rd oscar. hugs -
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Great things are said by great people.
One contest said "Greatness could come of this" yet it failed to place, so although I thank you for your lovely comment I am not hanging by my thumbs. Some like it some don't and that's how the cookie crumbles.
I don't know which contest we are competing in but I wish you the best of luck too and may I comment on what a pretty face you have, I bet i could even tell you your personality .. Take care and thanks for being such a good sport ..
Barry
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Such immense imagery throughout this entire piece. Quite beautiful and alluring... x Thanks for sharing... x Love and light, Butterfly.
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amazingly beautiful....I stand and applaude you!
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This is very...
Pretty, for lack of a better word.
It has such great imagery and the emotions the obvious effort..
greatness could coem out of this
thanks for entering -
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Surprised
You quoted "Greatness could come out of this " and yet it didn't place ??
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I love the metaphor and imagery in this piece. Well done!
Best of luck and thnaks for entering! -
Lovely
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I'm really too awe struct to give a real good comment but,this is an awesome, wonderul , beautiful poem. You have a magical touch for love poems.thanks for entering
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Excellent poem! I really love your eye for imagery and choice of words. It's beautiful. This line seemed a little awkward to me:
"She danced and flew with graceful ease on the gentle breeze,
Pirouetting and charming with an accomplished elegant ease."
I think it's the repeating of the word "ease" that throws off the meter. Hmm...I don't know. You don't have to change it, just an opinion. Overall I love the poem and I'm adding it to finalists.
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Wow, great write, well written indeed, you have amazing imagery and excellent rhymes, ill be adding you to the finals, one thing, not sure if you already informed me of the option, but if you could send that my way again, that would be great, great write and thanks for entering - Jacen an IndividualEleven.
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The moon ,the river, a balmy breeze, a starfilled sky, another world, romance in the air,, sigh.
Lines seven and eight stood out in the scene for me. but it was all very vivid.
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I've never read such a pretty poem or had such a vived pictured displayed by words (it was like HD T.V in my mind, ~lol~. great write
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Picture Poem.
That was one of my 'picture poem' (my specialty) and actually about 99% are like that just about every subject. If you liked it than you would enjoy the rest on my author's page. Thank you for the wonderful comment and applause.
Bazza (Barry)
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Your words are so rich, this is such a beautiful poem. Thank you for entering the contest. whisper
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I really liked.
I really liked this and when I see the moon at its fullest stage, I will think on this poem. It is magical with a romantic quality to it.
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Good
This is an excellent narrative and i think it is a great write. Good luck -
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tiffanydawn08
Thanks for your comment and it is just a matter of keeping one's legs crossed now I suppose.
Bazza
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Very nice. It is a nice memory and it brings the reader in. How ever the rhyme seems a little forced in some areas.
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a moment that will be etched in the fabric of time for quite some time. This piece was penned with brillance and contained a nature flow of flawless quality. The biggest attribute to this piece I found was it's simplicity to make the message travel across.
-Keep the ink flowing!
-Good luck in the contest!!
-Monachos -
i really do like this poem, the flow is brilliant it shows soo much emotion and is a joy to read, the words have been put easily together and give a strong taste of imagery of how you felt and the scene you were both in, well done and good luck in the contest
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A moment to remember.
The picture in my mind of those moments are as vivid as when it happened and if only one could relive it again, but it was a moment in time that is locked aware in my treasure chest and which is taken out and dusted off regularly for it was one of the highlights of my life. Thank you for your lovely comments and praise. -
sorry can you please add the option it's under as i really dont want to qz you, i know it sounds stupid but i would like to know and makes it fair on the other contenders as they all have to
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The interesting every-second line wording loses consistancy as the poem goes on, I was a little sad for that, because it was like a little treat at the end of the line.
That aside, I adore the imagery of this and the almost scenic adventure the reader goes through. =]
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Ohhh! China. (Even the ring in the name of that country feels poetic) I can see this so clearly in your wordpaint. And you paint for real, too! Did you do a picture of this? You are right, some memories are too beautiful to set aside, and this must be one!
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I would never attempt to paint that scene for it would be impossible to capture the whole gamut of feelings and senses and just reduce it to a pretty picture, if you see what I mean. I was at the pinnacle of love and every sense was strained to the limit at the time, even smell, for I had bought a red rose from a cute little chinese girl with big black eyes and pig tails ... aaahhh definitely one of my life's highlights. If only I could have written exactly how I felt. I've only done two poems on it and so it is best to leave the memories fresh and original. I want to go back and paint Guilin though and somehow I will....
Barry
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This poem has very good flow and the description and imagery is very great. It conjures a very vibrant and clear mental image. I commend you on a well written poem. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Packed with imagery this piece, I could almost be there. It sounds like a beautiful place that I would sure like to visit. Well done Bazza, you presented a lovely picture with this piece. Val
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Thank you Val for the sweet comments and applause. It is recognised as one of the most beautiful places on earth and to be in love with a beautiful woman in the moonlight ...... well some things are embedded in the mind forever.
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This is truly a beautiful write.
I very much enjoyed reading. You are very good.
,and I wish you all the luck in the contest.
You have a winner... Some very beautiful lines.
One of my favorites.
These are moments Heaven sent we always must embrace,
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Thank you for your lovely comments and applause and I am glad that you enjoyed and shared one of my most precious moments.
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Very good.
But personally I would have chosen a differant colour for the font... (Took me a while to read it)
But otherwise its a good poem. seems to have a good flow to it. Keep it up.
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Mate thanks for commenting and sorry about the colour combinations, but I had a heck of a time getting it 'right' and as soon as it accepted the final combinations I jumped at it and posted.
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Rhymed free verse without strict attention to metre (Encarta definition)
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Delightful
A romantic and atmospheric write.You take the reader to a beautiful place of wonder and intruige.Lovely, Ros
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Your talent with words and passion in life shine through quite brilliantly here! The use of imagery was masterful as it took me to another place I've never been before. The beauty of the imagery lends fantastically to the beauty of the moment in time, I think...Great write, my friend! Bravo!!
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Charming
Bazza, maybe rhythm isn't your greatest strength, but you can still pull off something sentimental, paint a picture with words, find a strong rhyme. I hope you don't mind when I call your work "folk-poetry" - I never mean it as anything more than an observation of what you do. Have a round or two of applause.
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Amazing. This poem flowed so well and the rhyming was perfect. The imagery was spectacular and I was whisked away to this magical land. I loved the line where you said the river was draped in evening mist. This painted such a beautiful picture in my mind.
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A Chinese delight...
Wow...this is a lovely, image-packed piece which is strengthened mightily by the use of rhyming couplets. Quite delightful.
My only picky bit is that perhaps you could take one of these two stanzas out because they repeat each other somewhat:
'We did not wish to disrupt the scene presented there before,
As we were newfound lovers knocking upon passion’s door.'
'Stars smiled down at us for we were a new found couple in love,
Holding hands in the moonlight and softly cooing like a dove'
..Anyway, that's just a suggestion!
A very nice piece, Bazza ~ lucky you to have travelled through such a fascinating country.
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gorgeous
what a rich poem, so beautiful with all its wondeful imagery....it brings me every sweet feeling possibly imaginable...thank you -
Food for thought.
Thanks for the comment and strong applause and maybe when I edit it in a week or two when all traces are out of my mind, I will look at the last two lines, but they sit well with me and fit perfectly because it is a true story and I see no need to leave it out for it is part of the story, and the way I feel but until then I cant say. If you read my author's page you may understand what I am trying to accomplish in my work, but it is a self taught style I am developing and so I welcome input and feedback. Thanks a million and maybe you might be interested in looking at some of my other poems as well. Warmest regards,
Barry -
I LOVE your use of the couplet here. The couplet is the ULTIMATE love-poem stanza. I don't like the last two lines because they seem forced, and they don't do the rest of your poem justice. Your poem is so full of gorgeous imagery, and the meter and rhythm are excellent, flawed at places, but Jesus, even Shakespeare wasn't perfect! So I just feel that the last two lines are of a lesser quality than the rest of your poem. However, despite my disagreements, this is an absolutely beautiful poem. It uses a classic style for a timeless concept-- perfect! Never give in, Annandhel.
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Hi, Bazza again, I changed the last line for te moment until I get round to doing an edit. Thanks for your comment.
Barry.
When a zephyr did her magical dance in the pale yellow light.
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Beautiful imagery set in an eastern land that has always stuck me as mysterious and beautiful. Your words just simply flow like good wine. Thanks for the read, I enjoyed the journey.
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This was stunning, the imagery...everything. This poem had it all and the story was so beautiful. Amazing...thanks for featuring.
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