Vibrate through the mausoleum mound
Infinity without any cycle or divinity sound
Circles of thought that are copular or round
Ancient wisdoms that were imparted to the profound
Examine the construction of the Holy Ark
Catch Anubis for his jackal, black bark
Circumnavigate to eternity, the Pi and its unknown mark
Critique cave paintings that were painted in the dark
Watch the Matador for the Judas, fateful stab
Examine the murdered that were laid out on the slab
Mutilated forms that were angelically engendered in the lab
Were neither paragons of Godhead but products of the sad
Back to the flesh but without any backbone or bone
Nephalim thus wondered from the Venus in the foam
Like the Zygote that tries to imagine mummy and the home
Wrappings of aspiring Egyptians and the journey all alone
White linen and the deathly silence of motivated fate
Come into our aspiring and forgiving hearts, oh so very late
Yearnings towards pro culture and the ultimate of mates
Past the unification of loves, nae the pure division of hates.
Author notes
An examination of the process of spiritual development and mortality.
A contest entry
- The "point" is? by Nicole Hanna.
2100 points, ended February 23, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Quickie Contest...... Rhymning (720 points) 48 Hours Extending it a bit longer! by Heavens Child.
600 points, ended August 24, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WINNER TAKE ALL!!!! ONE THOUSAND POINTS (well sort of) by DrunkenRam.
1019 points, ended November 16, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There's nothing Nietzche couldn't teach ya 'bout the 'raising of the wrist' by Glasyalabolas.
900 points, ended December 31, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Big points...just write what you want by Canis Lupus.
4500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 84 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Want to be READ? ENTER HERE! by Avatar of Innocence.
525 points, ended September 7, 2008, 131 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sparrow Song by Shya.
800 points, ended September 17, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Share your poems with me by trekkergirl.
550 points, ended November 6, 2008, 174 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Congrats on all the trophies that this one has won. It is deserving of them. And thanks for sharing this with us. It is nicely written. And thanks for entering this into my contest.
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Thank you for your very interesting entry in the contest. We feel that some of your rhyme is both forced and slant and your flow is erratic, making it difficult to read your work.
Please join us in future contests, we would like to read more from you.
Sue and Jeff
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Congrats on your bronze cup!!!
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Guilty (Everybody's guilty)
Thanks for entering my contest, I will be commenting after it is over. -
One good point that been overlooked our culture is a reflection of the time past. Myths have been handed over many generations and still seen as truth. Many do not take the time to think about how or where there belief system came from. When we forgot our past we repeat the same mistakes. One could debate is culture abstract or concrete.Another debate is does culture truly define who we are as a person. Does the person determine who they are in culture. I think the other male judges did a fine job on commenting on your write. I can not think to add to anything they have said. I hope I hit on some things may of been overlooked. I truly wish you the best. On a more personal note. I read many poems on culture. This is truly very well wrote. It mark one of my top ten reads. It makes the reader think about it. It not a spoon feed idea. My hat off to you.
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My immediate reaction to this work was to say that it read like a time travel experiment until I discovered that you were probably writing in the sense of analogy; stating that all of these people and things can be witnessed in their contemporary forms. I found this possibility to be very interesting. The tongue-in-cheek reference that I found to tie this feeling together was "Mutilated forms that were angelically engendered in the lab," which seemed to drawn from the beginning and the end of the piece (as well as of time) to show (in a great reflection of the title) how where we have been makes up where we are, and where we are makes up where we are going (and all is viewable in its hybrid form today).
I think the more that I read your writing the more I understand how you work with internal flow to create text that seems choppy at first but in fact has a flow all to its own. I am glad that this contest has given me the opportunity to read what must be one of the more original and learned artists here on AP.
While I would still appreciate that author's notes be included, I cannot say that the experience without them is worthless (or even close to it). Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
A talented wordsmith you are my friend. Thank you for sharing and for entering my contest. Good luck to you in the Raven Contest.
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After much pondering, I think this poem is taking an abstract look at mankind from many different angles. My personal interpretation of it is the first stanza is looking at the creation of the universe, either the big bang theory or God’s creation, while the second then examines the relationship between God and man. In my mind it became more interesting from stanza three onwards because I feel it goes on to look at our mortality and how we are now able to create life in laboratories., which puts us almost on a par with God. Further more, in stanza four it takes us to a level where we are able to genetically engineer our futures by choosing the gender of our children, thus ensuring a safe journey as a species. From gleaning all this I felt the concluding stanza shows us how we strive for the prefect society, which could possibly end up a loveless one in that love would be a redundant commodity. Our futures would be manufactured for us.
This poem is well structured and I like the flow and rhyme of it but I wonder if some of the language would appeal to wide audiences. There are references to items in this poem, for example, science, space, mythology and religion that might take a very varied approach to gain the full meaning. As a person who is interested in most of those areas I was prepared to look up the words I didn’t know. On the whole, I found this work very interesting and quite deep in meaning.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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Wierd, the quick comment box didn't show up for this one. Huh. Anyway, it's very cruel to have title called "Spiders" seeing as how I'm very extremely arachnaphobic. lol. I'm kinda glad the picture showed up with a red x (probably a computer glitch on my end) because I might have been very disturbed and have nightmares tonight. lol
As for the poem, I'll say I was very pleased with the rhyme and meter. Normally, I'm totally disgusted with that kind of same end-line rhyme, but you really made it work and work well. Your phrasing was creative and very eloquent, so I couldn't help but enjoy it.
I can't really say much else than that. Everything was very refined and well-thought out, so it read smoothly and was enjoyable on every level. Thanks for entering
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I adore this poem, it wasn't what I was expecting when I saw the title, but I adore this poem so much. My favorite stanza was the last one, it was supurb...
"White linen and the deathly silence of motivated fate
Come into our aspiring and forgiving hearts, oh so very late
Yearnings towards pro creation and the ultimate of mates
Past the unification of loves, nae the pure division of hates."
Simply amazing, and I am so glad I read this.
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Beautiful
I enjoyed this very well written piece. You have a firm grasp of the old adages as well as a wonderful way with words. I wish sometimes that I could write this was but I'm just a country girl and write what I know. Again, wonderful job. Pen on...
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You really went from the very title of "Spiders" and spun a fine web of poem. Lots of unique and different images and you reallly kept meter well in this poem--It reads beautifully aloud.
I'm glad I had to chance to read this.
Jo
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sorry
my finger slipped
but i reread this
man o man this is awesome dude
im very jealous
i wish i wrote this good
again im sorry -
I always wonder how you do this? You are so amazing and you have such a classic and almost gothic flow. Every poem you write makes the poets who left us to the everafter very happy. You are awesome Georges.
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Good
I like your diction however not sure how the title fits in exactly. Anyways now I'm a Paranoid Android that spiders are in my room, and their eating all my chocolates.
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I love your use of Vocabulary, and the way you have such an elegance to your words...
"White linen and the deathly silence of motivated fate
Come into our aspiring and forgiving hearts, oh so very late
Aspiration towards pro creation and the ultimate of mates
Past the unification of loves, nae the pure division of hates."
This was amazing... You did a wonderful job -
Nicely done!
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damn spiders really can pot one at 40 paces heading in the opposite directionAH but you have that talented pen and twisted mindset laying down the lines unfolding the words. I always love to read your work and enjoy the top then go back and really read it the deep thoughts you portray and challenge or provoke then take them and ponder them. You have a unique way with the spoken word. Thank you for the pleasure of reading your post.
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exceptionally deep
but well written
i would like to write this well
glad i read this though
keep writing
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