I cried every last tear the day you left
Until I was sure that my eyes had dried forever.
And, even still, the pain won't fade away.
It hurts so much, I swear I could die, sometimes.
I seek comfort in my favourite places
Though nothing is pleasurable anymore.
The only refuge I find is not in the blade
But in the drink, for it dulls the pain.
Now, if only I could remain for all time
In a state of blissful intoxication
Then I would never have to think of you again
For it is easier to deny your existence
Than to ever overcome the damage you have done.
I promised myself that I would never break
That I would not become this mess you have created.
But the heartache has overpowered me this time.
The substance takes hold of me, leading me
And I let it wash away my loneliness.
My heart is pounding, like a drum
Frantic and cold, addicted to the high
I find my peace in this temporary sedation.
There is no need for tears or poetry.
No time to wallow in such useless self-pity
As I drift into sleep, silent and dreamless.
The next day, though, will be the same
When I wake, and mourn your love again.
I will find my only solace in the drink.
And cry for you, sweet vodka tears.
Author notes
Option 6: Addiction
To Vodka, for dulling the pain.
I don't like to think of myself as an alcoholic. I just drink the stuff to forget because, if I'm drunk enough, he doesn't cross my mind.
Inspired by the song, "It's All Coming Back To Me Now", by Celine Dion.
Also, this is for Devin. I thought you were history with the slamming of the door...
* * *
Looking back on this a year later, it made me realize just how depressed and pathetic I was at this point in my life. By drinking, I thought that I was being strong, keeping the pain to myself, but I realize now that I probably would have done better, had I gotten the much-needed help. Unfortunately, I didn't really have anyone to talk to, and so I resorted to desperate measures, thinking that therapy was for those who were 'weak'.
If I can give anyone a piece of advice, it would be this: Swallow your goddamn pride, and get the help you need. After all, the first step to recovery is to admit that you have a problem.
Thank you for reading.
In a list
A contest entry
- D is for... by Pandorea.
800 points, ended June 13, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEARS OF ANGER & GUILT SWALLOWING OUR SOULS...enter if you dare.... by ears2hearyou.
900 points, ended November 29, 2008, 39 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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I like the flow of this poem, it's almost like tears.
Ironic, I'm not sure if you were going for that.
Perhaps it's just the way I'm interpreting it.
Strong message, I'm quite glad I read this.
I find I can relate in a way, using alcohol to get away from the real world..and the pain.
Great job.
P.S. The advice at the bottom is wonderful, and true -
I, too, know how you must have felt. Judging from these comments, I believe quite a lot of people can relate. Haven't we all felt the temptation to hide from what is troubling us? I feel you've captured this emotion well. I find these lines especially touching:
Now, if only I could remain for all time
In a state of blissful intoxication
Then I would never have to think of you again
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Both the poem and the AN are sobering reminders of the pain we will all have in our lives, whether from love, or the absence thereof, and that while pain-relief in the form of chemicals is available, it too has a price. You have shared your hard-earned wisdom here, and deserve much praise for this. Oh, and the poem is very well done, too!
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"No time to wallow in such useless self-pity
As I drift into sleep, silent and dreamless."
i love this line the most, but it was all pretty good. I think everyone can relate to this in some way, whether it be the love lost or the addiction. great job.
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Easy way out
You should'nt go there too often. If you do, make sure it's Smirnoff. Remember that high test pain killer comes with tradgic side effects. Use with extreme discretion.
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That was such a beautiful yet sad poem. I love how I could relate to the pain that you have captured in your words. It is hard longing for someone you love. The pain is hard to describe. It is a gift to be able to describe what that sort of pain feels like and another gift to be able to put it into words that will make other people understand. You did both, which made this poem an enjoyable read.
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Nice write...deep emotion in your words
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Bravo! This poem is intense with grief and yes, self pity. This is a candid snapshot of you in a particular phase of your life. You have earned the honor of seeing how far you've come in a year's time. Solid gold poetry.
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Alcohol has been used in wars to cleanse wounds and to aneasthetize soldiers to the extent of a level of a certain sedation when there has been no other medication available...Vodka tears exposes the fears realizied when reality is as painful and as pitiful as may be..,the heart...the true heart is as tender as can be...it will cry relentlessly...nothing will quell or drown sorrow...we either learn to carry the cross or bend and buckle under the weight of it...tend and be tender to the self...the shelf of the heart has room for more love...if you drink it to death then you only extinquish yourself and your own stealth...your advice in your AN is trophy worthy...if it reaches and teaches even one human being suffering...drink to pleasure and never try to drink away pain...for some reason we are meant to learn by suffering
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It is an honor a Poet Bestows upon another,
when we are able to fill our ink and hearts
releasing poetically to assist another upon
a bold and lonely road!
Thankyou for your fearless courage
INK, HEART, and SOUL.
ears2hearyou
Kathleen/Seattle
The Golden Trophy you honorably deserve!
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Brilliant write....booze to ease the pain; been there, done that.
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BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!
wow....if this poem doesn't scrape the layers of our hearts,
then we are already buried six feet under!
way to write!
damn...that was fearless and bold...thankyou for your
entry! You truly slaughtered the prompt whole!
ears/Seattle
way to feast us with your ink and soul!
welcome to the finalist list!
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ooo...
this is so very sad! and more so, knowing that it is true. a wonderful write.
thanks for entering. -
omg...i cried...
this reminded me so much of how i felt...
when my fiance died in iraq...and when my high school sweetheart left me..
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Oh I know these feelings, it hurts so damn bad...
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Very sad and heartfelt write...we often hide from the pain of life through other things...and just as we drowned it away for an evening...it always returns the next day...great author notes and words of advice...hopeful you are heeding them yourself and finding peace.
Best,
mystic -
I truly enjoyed this and found it quite relatable. After cutting has worn, and death seems too far out of reach. Pills,Drugs,And drinking serve to numb, yet never take the pain away. I'm sorry that you feel or have felt this way. I really hope things get better. Until then know, you're an amazing writer, thank you for joining the contest and good luck!
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Hmm, I like this. Although no one should be worth enough to murder your liver. you liver is your friend. Worship it. For it is liver....y.. o.o;;;
Seriously though. this poem seems to be writen from deep inside. So I have no doubt that it is real. And heartbreak is painful. It took me two years to get over mine. But sooner or later it dulls. Although it's always there. it's not always as bad. And life does go on.
Go luck in the contest.
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Very good
You captured the feeling very well here, drink can be a good escape from pain, a crutch as it were. Unfortunately it is never the answer and will in the end make things 10 times worse. I speak from experience and can relate to this write very well indeed. Good luck in the contest! -
Looks like I've commented this one before. So no need to go over how I feel about it! 
Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Bravo
I really loved this because it reminds me a lot of myself. For one, Vodka is my drink of choice and I love the way you have pieced this together. It is honestly a lovely write and I will say that it is an honor to be in the same contest as you. Good luck.
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This is great. Really. I enjoyed every bit of it, especially because, as you wrote yourself, it wasn't the blade you turned to, like most other people like to write about. I like how you ended it with the title. It made it stronger!
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This is truly a great piece of work, it shows just how much a person can affect another's life, and how people try to get rid of their problems in certain ways.
I felt sad when i read it, which normally doesnt happen when im reading... keep it up.
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I find my peace in this temporary sedation.
There is no need for tears or poetry.
No time to wallow in such useless self-pity
As I drift into sleep, silent and dreamless
wonderful stanza! the flow is great the pain is so raw. This is a great entry, one to be reckoned with! Thanks for entering, and I hope said guy gets a few well placed, swift kick in the you know wheres for what he did to you. I also hope one day some can put you back together, even if only for a brief blissful moment.
Ja Ne,
~ Soten Hinku-ha Jaganshi
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Thanks for the entry, but I'm going to have to disqualify the poem because it's over the line limit, which is 30.
Again, thanks!
Elizabeth -
wow.. amazed over here, i want a drink.. if that will take my pain away like you're saying, then i'll do it all the time.. this piece inspires me to write, and i really enjoyed reading it.
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Wow this is great, I do have felt or still feel this vice is my only friend at times. Yet thats not what I wanted any of you to dwell on. I wanted growth and hope, this is dark and deperssing, a good write though.
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i loved it!
you captured so much emotion in this peice. i no what its like to feel like drinking eases the pain, maybe not completely but yea it does dull it.
keep up the great writting
much love
XoXoXoX
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wow emotional write, you really amazed me with your words and you made me feel sad and alone. i'm sure the alcohol helps when your drinking it can't keep the pain away, it only works for a little while. I thought your poem shows alot of truth and emotions and I thought it was great. thanks for entering and good luck xShadx
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Ummm...this poem is really inspiring, but I said that I didn't want any poems about getting drunk...
If you enter another poem, put your username and read some of my poetry and comment on it--that was in the rules
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Whoa !
Have you hit the nail on the head or what? You have brought to light that which so many keep hidden in that secret place to torment them for a lifetime. Realy great job. Your talent is so inspiring, and this peace is a winner in my book for sure..I love it
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Sad, emotional... heartbreaking... bless your heart... I drowned myself in alcohol and drugs for years until I realized that it was not gunna make anything better... was just hurting those around me that I loved most... I do hope that you will realize the strength within to conquer.
This is expertly written.. with a fabulous flow... very smooth and graceful rhythm to this... very intense... gave me chills reading!
So very sad though...
An exceptional write!!!
~Melissa
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wow...this is extremly intense. I can feel the strong emotions flying off the page! This is probably one of my favorite poems you have written. Great Job! I love it! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
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Didn't you say these things weren't about Devin in your latest note to him? Yet here's another poem for him, about him, remembering him, etc. How about some happy inspiration?
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I like this one. There's lots of emotion in this and you use good imagery too. The phrasing was confusing in some parts, but mostly this is a very good write. Thanks for putting what I asked for in the author notes! Good poem and good luck!
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very excellent write!!! I felt the same way about an ex of mine, never thought i'd get over him, so i tried to drink away the pain also, but it just didn't work for me, so finally i just told myself he's gone, and now i'm with someone new. It was hard but i got over it... Just try to keep your head high above the water, and don't sink!!!
soon it'll be all better. Still again, good write, keep up the good work!!! ~britt~
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