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Save Me

Save me
Deliver me

Sense is lost
Pain is found

It was burned to the ground

I’m here
They’re not

Want to flee
Limbs are dead

‘Stay where you are,’ is what I said

All over
Nothing left

I finished it
Watched it end

Discovered I’m very capable to send

Once more
I could

You will forgive
I just might

The flow of red, simply looks so right

Don’t save me yet tonight


A contest entry

What did you think? Constructive Criticism welcome.

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • C J Weatherholt
    October 15

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    I am actually a little confused by the meaning to this poem. Being as I used to be a cutter to me it seems like an inner battle with cutting and God. Suicidal thoughts? I liked the poem overall it was a great form and rhyme. Thanks for sharing.


  • Yuki Now and Always
    February 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This had a very short and direct feel to it which made it very emotional and real. I loved how you told a story and at the end when you said don't save me yet it made it seem very complete. I liked this one a lot good job!It seems to me that it had a very almost serene feel to it even though it was ver choppy. I can realy relate to this one and when you said

    Once more
    I could

    You will forgive
    I just might

    The flow of red, simply looks so right

    This realy hit home with me and it had a direct take as I was reading it so good job.

    -IronysLostChild


  • DancingRed
    February 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very visual poem, I like that you chose short lines and rhyme for this piece - it increases the flow speed and intensity dramatically.

    DancingRed.


  • sweetpearl
    February 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "Don’t save me yet tonight"

    --great ending, the "yet" makes this line.

    "‘Stay where you are,’ is what I said"

    --I can hear a strong woman shouting this and they'll have to listen.


    • Bohemian Scandal
      February 2, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much. The last line is my favorite. The "yet" is very important to the story.


  • sans-amour
    January 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Tres Bien!

    Wow... you're really a great poet. Perhaps you should consider leaving something in the LS. Best of luck in the contest... wishin' you the best, Z


  • Loveprevails
    January 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Good write! I like how something so short and simple can say such powerful words! Your poem intrigued me!


  • February Moon gold member
    January 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is really well written. The form you used was interesting, and I do not think that I have ever seen a poem written this way before. Nicely penned, and best of luck in my contest.

    Chelsea

1 - 9 of 9