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Exhausted!



As I lie here beside you
        Listening, watching, and feeling you as you sleep
              Your snores vibrate through the wooden floors

    

          Your stomach fluctuates like a ship on a stormy sea
               Constantly stabbing, piercing, and waking me

                    Like waves of thunder in a perilous competition

               The sound is irritating,
                    But I think I can get past it
                         I toss and turn for hours on edge 
   
                     As I try to gently,
                          understandingly,
                               ...and patiently fall asleep

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

Friends, I appreciate your comments and review on this write. However, please do not add my name to your comments due to the contest rules. Thank you very much!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • Meroza gold member
    August 30

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    Snoring is one of the things I hate, so I love this poem and the background goes perfectly to it.
    Excelenttly written!

    Thanks for entering

  • The
    May 31

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    Very good however it was not one that made me laugh.
    But I did enjoy the poem very much.
    Thanks for entering.

  • Rheea gold member
    May 6
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    delightful funny poem here.


  • Poetess12
    February 25
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    I like this poem. Thanks for your entry in my contest.


  • SilverButterfly gold member
    December 21, 2007

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    Wow this was my sister a few weeks ago!! She spent the night with me and I thought she could sleep in my bed and we could chat a while. Well I had to wake her up over and over again for snoring. Finally I had to demand that she go in the living room to sleep. I could not take it any longer!!!

    This is very funny, poet. I loved it!!!

    GBY


  • Mezclita
    December 16, 2007

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    hmmm the degree of patience instilled upon us Asians... correct me if I'm doubly wrong. As in you're not actually Asian or happen to disagree? Dunno... but I'm too impatient for this beautiful land of smiles I was born in! Anyhow, it's quite a funny + effective write ^^


  • amilicious
    December 5, 2007
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    funny

    i think my spouse would know how this feels lol luv amilicious


  • spanishrose
    November 27, 2007

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    This I know to well

    See I have a problem with snoring which keeps my hubby up sometimes. But in return he talks in his sleep I don't know which is worst snoring or making up the grocery list. Somehow I just don't see having asswipe for desert is that much appealing. Humor my man is all in good fun. Ear plugs were invented for suchgood occassions. May your words keep floating like a swan on the lake.

  • ms. kitty kat
    November 24, 2007

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    this is different, but I like it. I can also relate a little to well. great job on this poem. at the time this snoring occurs, its not too funny, but after the fact, it kind of is.

    kathy


  • lostdreamer101
    November 24, 2007
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    That's funny. I like poems that make you laugh, but have some sort of meaning! LOL


  • captain howdy
    November 11, 2007

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    lol! This is cute! I have been known to snore! I hope there isn't an emergency gun around!


  • wendy
    November 2, 2007

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    Hahahaa. I love this! I'm pretty sure that a few of my ex-boyfriends have felt the same about me. This brilliant and funny.

  • Bob Fox
    November 1, 2007
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    I must ask

    Do you know my x/wife. Perfect description lol

  • beenjammin
    October 26, 2007

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    I like this. It was nicely worded and definately something that I can relate to. I especially liked the ship metaphore and "gently...an patiently fall asleep.


  • Piccola gold member
    October 21, 2007

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    this has so much truth to it we all bear up with things we don't give much thought to really. Snoring, flatulance ... life really. you captured it well.

  • Wadjet3
    October 8, 2007
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    nice


  • Rhyming From Rehab gold member
    September 24, 2007

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    lol this would be terrible! thanks for the smile, I will not make anyone feel bad, but let me simply say...been there!!!! lol I am going to get skinned for that! lol LOVED IT


  • xxlisajazminexx
    September 20, 2007

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    lmao oh my this is SO true ....
    I loved this!!!
    great flow and I can feel your pain hunni!
    I loved this I cant wait to read more of your poetry!

  • Lesbian-in-Love
    September 16, 2007
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    Wow...so is that what it is like sleeping next to someone who snores...good write...


  • Dragons Lady
    September 15, 2007

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    A wonderful cute poem. This reminds me of someone I know. Snoring could wake the dead. LOL. Love it.


  • Grieving-Willow
    September 10, 2007
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    Aw!!! This reminds me of the first time I had a sleepover with one of my closest friends. I did not know that she snored until she fell asleep and I stayed up all night because of the noise Ah good times... good times....

    Anyways, I see this contest has ended, I hope it hasn't been judged because you definitely deserve a trophy Best Wishes to you sir
  • arden
    August 29, 2007

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    lol,

    now, i do so feel bad for the one whom needs so much patients, because i 'appen to be the snorer. i 'ave apparently, on occasion, shaken some walls.i do recall once wakeing miself up yelling my temporary other to get the muffler fixed... the inside of mi 'ead was shakeing...

    i do so enjoy the wee comic that ye 'ave included... remides me a valid point, to no 'ave anything sharp, or that could cause damage....

    arden

  • Rose Angel gold member
    August 27, 2007

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    Excellent!

    I am not alone I see.. I bang the headboard, or tap on the wall...to disrupt the snoring motor to stop! You are a riot! My aunt wears ear plugs...I do too sometimes, and she wears blinders.....Her husband is up ....very early reading!!!!!!Ha haha ha...It isn't funny the ones' of us that suffer the consequences but your poem hits the mark.! Excellent!


  • Viyanna Rosemarie 2
    August 20, 2007

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    i hate snores so got a kick out of this too. thank you for sharing the giggle with me tonight. i needed it. viyanna rosemarie

  • LadysDragon
    August 11, 2007
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    Haha i like this,very funny,and with the background its extra funny!!! thank you and good luck!

  • CherylAnn
    June 29, 2007

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    LOL

    I am so glad my hubby doesn't snore...That is when I can sleep...He might...Never know
    Blessings
    ~Cheryl~

  • 2lullabyhaven
    June 28, 2007
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    Wow, a voyage for real. every night? lol Thanks for entering it into my contest, lol

  • tawk gold member
    February 25, 2007

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    Cute my husband snores too for all I know I do too. You made me laugh, I know how hard that it is to get to sleep. Good luck in my contest

  • LilMrsAttitude
    February 2, 2007

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    LOL I deal with the snoring every night so I totally relate to this one! Great job! And I love the border! It couldn't be more perfect! LOL Great! I'm sad and glad tonight though... my hubby's having to work graveyard, so it'll be the 1st time in 4 years that I haven't had him lying next to me.... snoring in my ear! LOL I'm gonna toss and turn though, I just know it!
    Anyways, great write. Good job, thanks for entering, and good luck in my contest.
    ~*DJ*~
    P.S. Thank you so much for following the rules! So few people do so these days... like rules were meant to be broken or something! LOL


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    January 31, 2007

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    LOL Oh my goodness! The border really adds a even funnier touch to this write. Very well done. Good luck in the contest. And I hope you can get some peaceful sleep!!

    Jeannie

  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    January 30, 2007
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    this is just so cute,
    i really loved it,
    you made me laugh and i really needed a good laugh,
    so thanks you for for the smile.
    you have an amazing way of knowing when i need you the most.
    you really are the best.

    love ya.
    joyce

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