I sit and look at you
During your time of need
You give me that look
And i know what you are trying to say
You think I don't care
You think I can't be serious
But you dont see what's behind my eyes
And you don't see my heart
When you hurt I hurt
When you cry I cry
When you feel that pain within your chest
I clutch my own in agony
I cannot stand to see you hurt
I cannot stand to see you mentally cry
For you are far to good a person
To deserve that much pain
To watch you upset
Makes my heart cringe
But I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do
I just sit there
With that look on my face
You with yours
And i think to myself
I wish i could show you
How much i truly care
Author notes
um. This poem is personal...there isn't much to say about it.
A contest entry
- Prewrite Phenomenon #2 by Ryno.
300 points, ended February 9, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Anything by Dlvvanzor.
450 points, ended February 2, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I ADORE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear my husband penned this tale! These are his words exactly to me almost evryday. This is just briliant! I love the imagery, the concept, and the sweet vocabulary that you did with this piece of awesome poetic pie baked up just for me to munch on at 5:30am, couldn't sleep. My dog ate my 5 year old's $3,000 hearing aid. I am just sick. Pray for me that it can be replaced. Sorry I'm babbling, too much java already. Keep on pening, it looks good on you!!!!!!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT -
I liked the meaning behind this poem. It had a good rythem and was nice to read
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wow
this is really good i understand completely. i get the same feeling with me and my friends even when i understand them completely in every single way possible. its wierd but i think a lot of people have these feelings. anyways this is a really good poem and very deep and i like the way you expressed it. it seemed to rhyme without rhyming...as if to say it had a wonderful flow and was easy on the mind. ilike it alot -
This is SO good! It is like a picture into my heart. Thanks for sharing this
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Its a very sad poem but so deep and beautiful. Very personal as you said and I am sure many can identify with it.
These lines were particularly captivating:-
To watch you upset
Makes my heart cringe
But I don't know what to say
I don't know what to do
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When you hurt I hurt
When you cry I cry
When you feel that pain within your chest
I clutch my own in agony
How much i truly care
sometimes words are not enough do,s speak more than words my friend indeed they do.
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I cannot stand to see you hurt
I cannot stand to see you mentally cry
For you are far to good a person
To deserve that much pain
I love these lines. I can relate to this write so very much... I know what's it like to care for someone so much, and they doubt your feelings. The feeling of the need to save or help someone that would otherwise fall so far that all you wish to do is catch them and show them that there are those that care for them. The words and descriptions were very powerful, thank you so much for sharing such a personal string of feelings.
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thats sooo nice ..
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WOW
hey i like very spiritual!! cool keep ritin -
Good emotion, very simple and straight-to-the-point piece. I feel you might need to work a little on capitalization, word usage (you were too repetitive) and some other low points like your flow. It seemed a little of the nook, but I can never be sure what you intended with this. Very powerful. Thanks for entering Prewrites.
~Ryan~ -
It is often hard to really express ourselves sometimes in certain situations. This was a good emotional write.
Kari -
o0o0o MmMmM GeEeEe
i love this more then words could ever say this is amazing and so much emotion was spoken in such few words i love this alot you are a amzing writer and this is really great!
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This piece has some meaning to me too, for I too am in a situation where I wish I could help out someone that I truely care about but there is nothing I can do to "save" her from the shit in her life. I try and try but still nothing and she thinks that I don't care and to be honest I wish I didn't, but back to the poem...I thought it was really detailed and gorged into the emotion of the situation, but I believe there is a better way to describe "that look" you're talking about. This is well written and you should continue to write.
-Chris
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I like it. It has real emotion. ^_^ Very good job.
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I enjoyed this piece immensely. I definitely wasn't expecting all of the stuff between the first line and the ending statement. All in all, very enjoyable. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. Well, done and thank you for sharing.
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