lost to

              you have been lost to me
a strange discourse
        your limbs cannot find me
            cannot naviagte
        have lost the pitch
        the indexed heights
                of myself

you have kicked me at night
with no alarm
have woken confused
  as to why
        as to how
                i am there.


              but I have fevered you out too



my template rush with sweat
your concern
and doctrine of faith
all pressed close to my congestion
you washed me clean
feeling the smoothness of my sickly skin
hesitating to pant at my shoulder
and watched the water
          rush down your own thighs

while i
standing silent
flooded in hard anger
studied your remains
                i have lost you.
as you kicked me in your sleep
        defending yourself
              feeling pure
              feeling free
              without    me
                          lying silent
in my secret ceremony
counting your breath
                you have been lost to me
you turned over
and pretended i wasn't    there