Once, I thought a child, another, or another,
might be reason to stop the want
for something more than a miserable
marriage. One by one, I planned them
just when my next lackluster loneliness
crept up on me like a stalker in the night.
It was never enough. There was just less
and less of me.
Then I thought it was Simone Bouvier
that first made me want to be here.
"Revenge!" I cried and set about
stiletto-heeling it to Women’s Issues
Faculty gatherings. I had a purpose.
Purposes have a way of falling down
when seven kids are dragging at your hem
and leave full handprints on the back of your
waist-to-floor skirt. When they let go,
the apron strings hung desperately
useless as those University readings.
All I had was myself; the child, the single parent
mother, to mother herself. It was me
against the world, to fend off falling
feelings of fatalism without borrowing
someone or something else to hold me here.
When it was, exactly, I cannot say, but one day
I woke up and realized I am all there is
for me and for anyone else who were mistaken
about my strength in overcoming myself.
I knew, by God, I was here and here was all I had.
In a list
A contest entry
- What Makes It Worthwhile... by clementine.
700 points, ended March 10, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You and I have far more in common than you'll realize my sis.And what became the crutch that held you up,never worked for me.I'd probubly hang out with the homeless or trolls meanspirited under bridges if nothing else. Just for the "I'm not alone".
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Oh I also just wanted to add that the title is perfect here! Inspite or in Spite. You blame and hate yourself for feeling unhappy, but underneath it all your gut feelings are the ones you should be trusting.
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Righteous. You realize that you can't lie to yourself because you'll end up running right back to the feelings that never left, but were only buried for a time. I love the "I" in this poem. The strong voice and sense of self that presides within every woman. You manage to put LIFE into poetry in this piece. I love it.
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