It shined there
For a million years
Golden star
Against a tear drop sky
Sending out
Its radiant warmth
Touching the night
Romancing the moon
Yet it never stood a chance
You never once glanced up
When It finally
Fell from heaven
No one was there
To wave
Goodbye
Author notes
I wrote this with my true love in mind , this turned out to be the very last thing of mine he ever read before he died . He passed away on the 30th of January .
A contest entry
- A metaphorical message to the missing by Dienush.
750 points, ended February 19, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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well done
some times we forget to glance the shining ones....or we never knew they have disappeared .....good luck
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This poem seems to be full of emotion and it has some good images. For example, I loved the "romancing the moon" line and the ending was simply very powerful and thought-provoking. As a side note, I think in the first line when you said "shined" you meant "shone". By the way, I love the metaphor in this. Thank you for entering.
~Diana -
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I used shined instead of shone because I wanted to express the sparkeling nature of it , the word shone , just did not seem to convey that . Although I would have to agree that it is more the acceptable *proper english form* . Storm
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It's sad! But it's good. Short lines, pretty.
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Captivating write!
I think this one that could spellbound a reader. It is so wonderful it becomes a part of you. The graditude of the star and the lonelyness of the end put a heartfelt feeling in your poem. I love it! Your friend, Don Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you Don , Its funny as I was writing this it that feeling to it , like it came from some where elce , Storm
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Oh, this is so sad. The small ones that always shine forth in beauty, and then they are gone.
One or two go missing every year from my school or across the street at the high school. They run off, they disappear. No one from the neighborhood or home misses them until they are gone. But we remember them, and speak their names and wonder where they are. We just hope it is not in an obit. But the last one was, and the one who loved him most sits and remembers him daily, his picture on her notebook that she shows us with pride every day.
You are strong to be able to write such a poem of remembrance, for the stars who fell. They shine within many hearts still, and I remember them as they were. Or it would break our hearts to be there daily, because something happens every year.
I am sorry to have digressed, but now I will think of them tonight. An excellent poem for thought on this topic.
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Thank you for your rich thoughtful comment , its very appriciated , Storm
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well done
this puts a personal face on an impersonal subject, and really brings stars within our empathetic grasp.. well done! I think (having been away from the site for awhile) that you have improved--which given your impressive starting point, is pretty great!
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Ah gee , shuck's , ya' think , So nice of you to say , thank you for the inspiring comment and encouragement , Storm
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Sad tale. I give it one very sad little bunny.
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I'm not sad today , I was just being metaphoric for the contest . But I'll take that one bunny and raise you 3 , now you just hop along bubba and I'll see you on the other side , Storm
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