Why do you have to play with fate?
This heinous force is free,
You've led him to my welcome gate,
But now you'll have to see.
Both he and I were born alike,
We two can take your soul,
You've put yourself upon my spike,
And under his control.
His scythe will tear into your heart,
My sword will slice your head,
Your legs will shake, and spread apart,
No stop until you're dead.
But now we're here, just me and death,
There's only space for one,
So falling back, I take a breath,
My battle's just begun.
The clash of steel is scarcely heard,
The fog entraps the sound,
His rotting face is dark and blurred,
While mine is fully crowned.
He steps on back, his robes don't sway,
They don't move with the air,
The darkest night is bright as day,
When next to his death stare.
He swings towards my gleaming face,
I feel the cold decay,
The cut won't bleed, nor pain erase,
Until this Fade I slay.
The sword glows white within my hand,
I swing and dodge and roll,
He moves so fast, that when I stand,
He's swung towards his goal.
My swords goes up and plunges in,
His chest, and his in mine,
That both our souls, eternal spin,
They balance life, combine.
Author notes
This has aspects of a few different series I've read. Do you know which?
A contest entry
- 1000 points: The Grim Reaper by Lj-.
1000 points, ended February 2, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Will light ever conquer darkness??
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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its the story between good and evil... and to have either one you have to have the other... therefore if one is gone... so is the other... they are both equal in power... because there has to be a balance... but are powerful in different ways... and yet they both have similar powers... the good side is asking why have you made this fight... but is still prepared to fight it for you... even though there is a possibility of losing... or as you ended the poem a draw... the good side is resigned to fight... to fight for you soul...
amazing poem... i loved it... you always keep me guessing till the very end... great job... keep them coming... any other recommendations...????
-tabbykat -
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Your summary of the poem is totally accurate. Except for your first comment. It really is NOT the story between good and evil. A lot of people mis-interpret chaos being evil and order being good. If anything, it's like a 4 pointed star, with Good opposite Evil and Chaos opposite Order. Sure, in our mind, Order is a lot closer to Good, and Chaos to Evil... but in reality, spontanaity IS Chaos. Being random is not evil, but it IS chaotic. I have to admit, though, that I can see why you interpreted it as good vs evil, b/c I (as Order) call Chaos a heinous force. But if you think of it how I explained Chaos and Order, of course Order will consider Chaos as bad, because Chaos stands for exactly opposite of what Order stands for. Anyways, thanks for reading it and commenting!!! As for another recommendation... you gotta recommend me something! If you wanna read another one of mine... try Pilgrims Egress
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no problem
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good poem keep up the good work
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Thank you so much... this was a fun story to write, the rhyming was a bit difficult here and there, but I made it
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wow you really have a way with words and i feel that if flowed really well and the subject matter is very interesting good luck in your contest
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Well thank ya! I try so hard to make everything extremely readable while still having perfect rhymes... which is why I have the contest that I do.
THX again
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Wow. I like your work alot!!!! I do have to say...I desperately wanted to know who wrote the poem ( I'm glad you pmed me right away ) You're a very talented and well versed guy!! perhaps you could give me pointers?
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Guys are assholes and you should never ask them for anything as they are bound to hold it against you for the rest of your life. I hate being a guy. BUT, I love to teach, and I love poetry... ANYTIME!
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Awsome. Great write about our battle with death. I loved how you went into so much detail about the fight with the Death. I loved the part where it says, "But now we're here, just me and death,
There's only space for one,
So falling back, I take a breath,
My battle's just begun." Great job and good luck in the contest. -
Very nice, sincerely. I enjoy your flow immensely, and your images even more.
I wouldn't say that this is overly long, but there are two spots where the flow doesn't live up to your capabilities. I'll provide them here for clarity:
"When next to his death stare." - adjust for flow.
"He's swung towards his goal." - very small, possibly insignificant flow issue. Recommend adjust.
I also have to say that I enjoy your storytelling. You have a wonderful vision that I think can only grow with time. The end here was final, complete, and (needlessly but wonderfully) redeeming. Thanks for the great write.
Lastly, before the points, I'd like to say that I'd enjoy reading something by you offered in a traditional AABB format. Possibly consider this for a project?
By the Numbers:
Image: 9.5/10
Emotion: 6/10
Rhyme and flow: 9.1/10
Cohesion: 9.5/10
Message: 8.7/10
Teen angst coefficent: +1.3
Overall: 8.8/10 - triumphant.
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I'll take those reccomendations into consideration, as well as an AABB poem as a new project. Thank you for the rating!
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I not sure of what series you speak.
I enjoyed this. Your rhyming was good.
My favorite lines were:
"The clash of steel is scarcely heard,
The fog entraps the sound,
His rotting face is dark and blurred,
While mine is fully crowned."
Thank you for your entry and good luck! -
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The title "Fade" comes from the Robert Jordan series "The Wheel of Time" (I totally reccomend it) and the balance of chaos vs order comes from a 3 book series... I read the 2nd book, but not the other 2... can't remember it tho.
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creepy I like it
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That's good, because it's for a contest about Death aka the Grim Reaper
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