My love shall be forever thine,
Ever my heart shalt thou keep.
Though thy love may not be mine,
My love shall be forever thine.
Though over thee I sit and pine,
And though I try I cannot sleep,
My love shall be forever thine.
Ever my heart shalt thou keep.
Author notes
This is a triolet for the competition "Flaunt Your Form." It's the first poem of this form I have written. Hope you like it!
A contest entry
- Flaunt Your Form- by deadcolor dreams.
600 points, ended February 23, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Good, good, good!
Short and sweet, this is a very well written poem! Very good job at using the "thou" and "thine" but still making it sound natural. Very heart-felt and touching. -
Dislike the shakespearean lingo, but it was well written, and had a good concept.
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short, sweet, and to the point but still good
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lol.. I have to laugh at myself a little here, because I stumbled over some of the language. Its been a long time since 10th grade Shakespeare... wait, I didn't even GO to 10th grade Shakespeare.
Anywho... I am not a fan of love poems, but it seems from your author's notes that you are experimenting with a format here, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. Someone recently obsevered that poets who write in only one form are cheating themselves. I agree (despite the fact that my one attempt a free verse was a miserable failure).
The rhyme scheme here is punchy and the work doesn't take forever to express a solitary idea, but rather hits on the points you want to make without a lot of unnecessary abstractions. If I had to read a love poem, it'd be this one. -
I like it!
I liked the flow and feeling, good luck
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