Lover Angel, love her right,
In the morning, in the night,
Kiss her head, hold her tight,
Lover Angel, love her right.
Lover Demon, Kill him right,
In his dreams, leave a fright,
Bite his neck, no need to fight.
Lover Demon, Kill him right.
Lover Boy, So safe in white,
Wear in the night, in the light,
Hug yourself close, afraid of fright,
Lover Boy, So safe in white.
Hold me close, Kiss me right,
Bite my neck, kill me right,
Lover Angel, Lover Demon, Lover Boy; right,
Hold me close, Kiss me right.
Author notes
I wrote this while I was suppose to be taking notes in a class.^^ It is a little rhyme-y for my usual taste, but I just really got in to it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I actually really like your use of monorhymes in this piece. It creates kind of an incantatory effect and makes the poem more memorable. Wonderful stuff.
M.R.
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Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed the poem. I am very fond of it myself. xD I am going to have to check out your work now, especially after reading that lil comment poem. =)
Hope, Love, and Dreams,
Luna♥
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Wow. I LOVE this! It flows so well and you made a great rhyme scheme. Very well writen, I must say. My favorite stanza would have to be the last, as it contained all of them in one spot. It put a smile on my face. Nicely done. I'm looking forward to reading more of your works. I'm liking what I'm seeing so far.
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Thank you. ^-^ Sorry It took me so very long to reply. I am glad you liked it, I too love the last stanza, mainly cause it causes so many people to get confused. Even my english teacher had a fit over it. I will check out your work as well.
Hope, Love, and Dreams,
Luna*hearts;
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Damn.
Forgive me, dearest, for having neglected your work so often. I have been so down lately it's been hard to channel the proper energy into reading other poems with the life they need be read with.
This is beautiful. I love rhyming poems, though I usually can't stand for there to be quite this much, and yet here I've found I don't mind it, in fact, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Now, I do have one criticism; the second of these lines...:
"Lover Boy, So safe in white,
Wear in the night, in the light,"
...Is in fact TOO rhyme-y. "Wear in the night" through me off cause I wasn't ready for that rhyme-sound again. Maybe you could try,
"Lover Boy, So safe in white,
Wear in the eve, in the light."
Other than that I found this piece to be exceptionally excellent! xD
By the way, this line is brilliantly penned, "Hug yourself close, afraid of fright."
Love you very much my Darling Pet.
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Thank you my mistress. I am ever so pleased that you liked it.
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Exceedingly welcome.
Now, if you could, love, try and get back to that other abandoned story?
I miss reading it, and I could use a little heat (maybe that's cause I'm dripping wet and wrapped in a towel, but that's hardly the point).
Oh, by the way, I finally saw my Vinn, talked some stuff out, punished him in the most delightful ways, and to no end. I feel much better, as was assumed, in fact, I feel better about life in its completion, which is a rare feelings.
Much love to you..
Mistress Allura -
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Abandoned story? *thinks* OH! Vampires Desires. Yeah, I really should get back to that.^^ (Might want to get a warmer towel..might be a while)
HURRAY! Made you feel better?^^ I am glad you sorted things out.
Love to you, Mistress..
Luna♥ -
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Yes, that's the one! You really should, indeed. (Haha, mini-skirt and stockings'll do. Sort of forgot about my top half, oops.)
Yes, me too. I feel so much better... Course with a reminder like that of how awesome he is at certain tasks, I'm missing him pretty bad again. In that hand up my skirt kinda way. ^^
Your Loving Mistress
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Beautifully rhymed poem, I enjoyed it greatly. I like poems with repetitions they have a lyrical flow to them. Pretty good for jotting down during class, it was probably a boring lecture by some old coot anyway. Thanks for sharing and get the pen flowing.
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It was a very boring lecture..I usually sleep through it.^^ I am glad you liked it.
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3 applauds...9pts
Reward from the Lionsloves Lair reading list
~Lilac
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Quite a tuneful read, exceptional flow until the last stanza and we can all see the culprit line
A refreshing read that brought a smile to my face and I enjoyed the rhyme
Love and smiles
~Lilac
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Yeah, I could not help but put it in even as I noticed it sounded a little off.^^
I am very glad you liked it.
Luna♥
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Coool
I love the repetition of the lines and I love how this was written! Very well done! Much enjoyed the read! -
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Thanks. I am very glad you liked it.
Luna♥
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excellent
Wonderful rhyme and flow!
Excellent write!
Lynda
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thank you for your comment. I appreciate it.
Luna♥
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Pretty damn good for a rhyme. I have to agree with Arkbear, you are pretty damn lucky you didn't caught writing this in class. Thanks for sharing!
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Thank you. This is actually my first all out rhyme I have done, that I have posted. I was a little shocked I did not get caught, I guess it just looked like I was taking notes.^^
Luna♥
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LOLOL
I'm glad the instructor/Teacher did not catch you writing this in class....it gives us a chance to read a great write ~
Well done,
Bear ~
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Yeah, she would of thrown it away, which would of been cruel. I am glad you liked it.
Luna♥
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Splendid write, it's unique and different. Really good expression. This is a well written free verse poem. Good job.
Snappy
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Thank you. I was really bored and just started writing..this is what came out.^^ I might try to write another one in class, this seems to clear my writer's block.xD
Luna♥
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I love this!! I think it is fantastic! I am not much on rhyme, but this is amazing! I think you may have a typo in here though,
"Lover Angel, lover her right,"
Maybe should be
"Lover Angel, love her right,"
Keep that pen flowing!
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Your right..that is a typo. I will fix that as soon as possible! Thank you so much for finding it. Thank you also for your kind words, I really appreciate it.
Luna♥
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