Look at me
and you will see...
Deep inside
lies a child
cowering in fear;
she drowns in shame,
screaming the truth,
hides behind lies
praying someone will see.
From the shadows
a frightened child
transforms,
now an out casted teen.
Shy and insecure,
distant yet craving,
battling
to belong.
Living in a self created
bubbled reality
reflecting
vicious verbal lashing
from peers.
Esteem shredded
from rumors spread;
scotch tapped back together,
pretending
wearing a face of stone.
Unrequited love's friendly face
rescued flesh
from serrated edge
with lectures
that fell upon deaf ears.
Another chapter complete,
page turned,
the next stage began
clinging to hope
for better
only to fall back ,
beneath verbal whips striking.
and scabbed wounds
are torn open again;
fading within
while fading away.
Ten weeks of pain
caught in illness' clutches;
hundred pounds
vanished;
not healthy but permanent;
and self esteem grows
as confidence increases.
Male entrance takes
thought to be virginity
and womb swells with new life.
Weight returns two fold
held strong
even years later.
Seven year itch
scratched
with false “I dos”;
and birth control failure
brings angel faced gem
into a union of veiled misery.
Vile vocabulary spouted
turns lethal;
poisoning heart
with abusive batter daily
ans love begins to curdle
from empty bottles
and a cold bed.
Funky smell spilt
from mini pipe,
once kept secret,
now puffed
in innocence view
and glazed eyes fail
in adult supervision.
Two year old escapes
home's confines
searching out
motherly figure.
Winged guardian present,
shielding youth
crossing
four way death trap
in peak hour rat race.
Work phone rings,
news delivered
and horror flashes
in mother's mind;
like lightning
she returns
trembling in fear
holding her angel
close and tight.
Tears spill,
final straw is dropped
and decision is made,
NO MORE!
Final battle begins,
heated words exchanged
and bags are packed
on a plane;
destination...
a better life.
Anew begins
with vows to self made;
suddenly,
blindsided by
an unexpected visitor named
Katrina;
and new life
violated and stolen;
forced back
to the hell
from which I came.
Time after time
scabs
ripped away
increase depth
of existing wounds.
Depression
becomes a daily battle,
starting over again
in a place I hate.
Protective walls built
for self preservation;
becoming an actress of life,
playing a role
with masks worn
hiding my scars.
Standing here now,
I tremble
and I cry
for no reason
other than
I'm scared....
Adding your comment:
. Perfectly written piece. I'm truly proud of you mumma for writing this. Love you always,
