Oh deep ocean,
Carry me away,
Take me to a place,
Where I can be alone.
Your rhythmic waves,
Pounding to my aching heart,
Your evanescence of tears,
Placate the emotion inside me.
My dearest Poseidon,
Visit me still,
My dreams flood through me,
Like your vast kingdom,
Come find me.
How long must I wait,
For the submerged to come alive?
To find hope,
In the shame I can no longer bare.
Afraid to breathe,
I will have you in me yet,
Your waters protect you,
From the severity of love.
Oh thoughtful Demon,
Please show me your face,
Let me glimpse,
The Catastrophe we share together.
Carry me,
For the world was too much to hold,
Take your turn,
Be the father you never were.
The darkness at your heart,
The crevasses hide your scariest faces,
All your trenches,
So many to explore.
Must I push you to show me?
Must we go in circles like the flowing water?
The Red Sea,
Has seen less blood than our feuds.
Somedays,
when rain pours new life in you,
My tears soothe you,
I know.
Melodic moaning,
Your behemoth of pain,
Swimming forever inside you,
A parasite to your domain.
Eating away the happiness you have,
Kisses of death,
Upon your aging face,
Become smaller still.
Dying prophet,
A translucent fate,
We see through you,
We all do.
I believe in you,
But your existence means nothing to me,
Bother me no longer,
Such wishful thinking.
Leave me,
I need you not,
Ungrateful orafice,
Forsaken by your own storms.
Author notes
an attempt to compare my father to the merciless ocean.
A contest entry
- DARKNESS (The Anti-Valentine) by Sally the Ragdoll.
525 points, ended February 23, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEENAGERS - We're not all thick, yeah? by LaurenLightning--x.
1200 points, ended June 18, 2007, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter Poems You Think Should Have Won A Contest by FloridaGatorQueen.
475 points, ended July 13, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is an awesome poem. Never thought of my father like this. But I know some people have better relationships with their parents than others. I really liked the imagery. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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I love this... It's so.. I don't know. It has left me speechless.
The lines :
Carry me away,
Take me to a place,
Where I can be alone.
Put a smile on my face, they match my mood perfectly right now.
Thank you for entering and Good luck!! :] -
Dark- I love it!
I really liked the lines:
"Dying prophet,
A translucent fate,
We see through you,
We all do."
Keep up the good work, and good luck in my contest!
-Sally -
very dark poem, I appriciate you opening up and letting us see this though. It's dark and unsettling to know someone can feel like this towards a parent but that's just the way life is. Excellent poem
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Very dark poem, but I do commend your efforts to discuss such private matters of what happened. I applaud you wanting to move forward to heal.
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I found this a very sentimental write. It must have been hard to compare your father to the ocean and bringing up memories. I just find the color of the lettering makes it hard to read.
Soulful Woman -
Sad to think of your father this way, but I am sure you have your reasons. Sentiments well expressed, great metaphor used throughout these lines.
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Wonderful
I think that you did a terrific job with the comparisson. I think that you did a great job of capturing the sea at an agry element, one of my favorite times to be standing staring out at the pacific during a storm! -
Good write! Very good imagery here...when I read it I could feel the dark waves rushing over me to drown me. This is a good poem about one way relationships and feelings that are unrequited by another. I liked it!! Truly epic in feeling!!
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Though I dislike first person poetry, I didn't mind your at all. I do think it'd be better in the third person, but the poem wasn't bad overall. It did have a bit of angst weaved in (actually, a lot). Try to steer away from clichés like "We see through you," and instead replace it with better metaphors ("the sun's rays do not refract within your translucent soul").
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great stuff
im glad you explained this in your author notes
because as i read it i made a comparison to my
own father
i hope my children wouldnt make the same
excellent work
keep on writing
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I'm sorry, but after reading that, literally nothing is coming to my head right now. I'm not sure if I liked it or not. I'm sure in about 10 minutes I'll want to read it again, but I'm kinda in the eh stage right now honestly. I appreciate it though because of what it is about, and the story behind it. I like how you don't just...write. You write a story in poem format, almost cryptic. I love that. Great job.
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I really appreciate this work. I hope you continue writing because I would love to see what else you have to offer. You paint a rich picture with this pallet of words taking us along enveloping us in the feeling and emotion that pores from each line. very captivating in your choice of words. I liked the overall theme of this poem.
I thought it had a nice flow and feeling to it. Great message in this poem. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. I am glad I read it. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
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