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transuniversal light

photo credit

 

you're the accent on
my lips.

the way the tracks will run up north,
behind the setting sun at east,
the trees at west

with feet

 

still sinking in the mud.

 

 

 



latitude and longitude
sprawl across my face

-- like bad graffiti
    at the pier.


    like bad tattoos that hold me
    close.

 



but you no longer mind the noise,

my scars that hide themselves

 

in fear.

 

no,

you embrace this mirrored face,

trading veins for

 

other things.


like train tracks running home.

like train tracks running home

 

 

 

 

to you.

Author notes

emotion: the three- fold deal of love, mercy and grace

a lot of metaphor in this, even to the point of the picture, but i'll let you look into that part yourself. anyways, as for the story behind this, it's very doused with personal and spiritual things. there is a lot of talk of the world in here (as displayed by the geographic terms, etc.) as well as light filtering in from the sun. i contrast, and create the human to God relationship (as far as Christianity is concerned, that is) by using the juxtaposed imagery. you have the person being defiled by things (metaphorically, bad tattoos and graffiti at a pier.) you have all of these negative connotations of things, and the sun just shining above.

it brings you to that track, the two different paths. and you just wanna' take that one, and run with it.

so, in layman's terms, it is a poem about not being what you want to be, being earthly, etc. etc. and yet having that higher thing above, chosing it and running with the line.

i don't like explaining, lol.
j

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Tangled Angle
    February 19, 2007
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    Good choice.

  • Tangled Angle
    February 3, 2007
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    Crap, it won't let me applaud again. lol
    ~So yeah, you did a great job!


  • Tangled Angle
    February 3, 2007

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    Even though I didn't exactly feel it, you got the best technical score from me, out of everyone. And wanted to applaud you. This was really creative. Great job.

    • marrow
      February 3, 2007

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      thank you very much, man. when do the trophies get awarded from this round?


      • Tangled Angle
        February 3, 2007
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        No problem dude. I am actually adding people to the finalist list. In about a minute or two, you'll get the trophy.


  • deadcolor dreams
    February 3, 2007
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    This poem reads better the second time around.


  • Cupcrazy gold member
    February 3, 2007

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    Excellent

    An excellent use of metaphor in this piece, it speaks directly to the torrent of emotions that run inside, those that we define ourselves and our paths by. great write and good luck in the contest. Bunny


  • ohemeegeeay
    February 3, 2007

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    I like this a lot, especially the repetition of "like train tracks running home.". For some reason, that was really powerful. Once again, really good imagery.

    Noise&&Kisses


  • DK akaLunaticSerene gold member
    January 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I sense another who keeps feelings under pressure sealed conditions. but don't think I'm strange here, yours is more like a flasher...lol. You open the coat wide, but only for split seconds, so no more than a hint, a glimpse may be seen. The metaphors a layered and multipurpose in this piece. like the words have to be read and then pealed back and read again several times and each read through is completely different. But all are cryptic, I think you are even cryptic with yourself in a way.

  • Tangled Angle
    January 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Tangled Angle
    January 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Your AC was perfect. Brief, but not too long, or too short (*coughs* unlike my Litournament entry this round. rofl!) (i dont think you saw it yet)
    Anyway,
    I thought your poem wrapped in so many metaphors it was kind of hard to 'feel' I found myself thinking too much rather than feeling it.
    Even though you went a little crazy with the imagery/metaphor I think.. it really was nice.. and I anticipate giving you full points on creativity. For sure.
    Just the problem here, is that I didn't feel it. I did feel it, but not like.. right on. But you did a good job.
    I enjoyed this. I wish the best of luck to you this round.


  • M0ofi3
    January 30, 2007

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    You seem...

    ...way ahead of me in the way you write, I'm convicted, intimidated and maybe a little discouraged. Discouraged because I almost think I couldn't attain (not really the point of all this, is it?) Intimidated by the apparent higher plane of expression, especially in terms of metaphor. Convicted because I could do so much better by reading more writes such as yours.

    I think I'll stick around. I like to see what else can be done with a word. Thanks, Jay!

    • marrow
      January 30, 2007
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      Yikes, now that's a comment.
      I consider my writing to just be a product of a.) gifts from God, and b.) a growing thing. I spent my early high school years doing nothing but reading poetry, so haha.. I guess this is what we got? Thank you very much for your comment.
      J


  • Ryno
    January 30, 2007

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    I really like the emotions that you portrayed, of course, at the first of the poem it sounded like you were speaking just of love. But as you continue on, you realize it is something else, something bigger then this poem. I like the double emphasis on 'the train tracks running home' my favourite line. Great write, good luck.
    ~Ryan~


  • lysdarling
    January 30, 2007
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    this is beautiful, i really enjoyed this
    -lys


  • The.Stars.Go.Blue
    January 30, 2007

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    "The voice of truth, tells me a different story, the voice of truth says 'do not be afraid'. And the voice of truth says this is for my glory..."

    Keep on your path, Justin. You'll do great things because of your amazing faith.


  • April Renee
    January 29, 2007

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    interesting..original. really nice flow to it..enjoyed reading this. maybe forgiveness? i dont know. nice job with writing this. enjoyed the read.

    blu

  • Frodofan
    January 29, 2007

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    Very interesting, though when I read it I wasn't thinking of it spiritually. I thought of it being about a lover. Someone you left, but it wasn't the right choice and then deciding to go back to them. Either way, it's cool. It had a nice flow.


  • user name
    January 29, 2007

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    Like long saturday nights when all you can see is the endless dotted lines down the center of the high way.

  • FindingFate
    January 28, 2007
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    I forgot to add that this one stands out more so because I am at this place you speak of. I recently changed my author page to consist of more spiritual quotes and have been trying to learn more about God. At the same time I fight the urge to run down the wrong road all over again. I totally get it.

    • marrow
      January 29, 2007
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      I noticed that. I'll be praying over it for you. Would love to talk about it with you some time.

      j

  • FindingFate
    January 28, 2007

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    I know the explaining gets hard...lol. My song was so hard to explain because I truly am ignorant with the details of music. Tyler helped a little. He then changed his mind and I added more to the author comment tonight...lol. Sorry to ramble...

    your piece speaks and flows just wonderful. As always your line breaks, metaphor, imagery were amazing. When I read your writes I always get such a sense of realism mixed with the surreal...if that makes any sense. You are a very talented poet...Trina


  • LadyLavender gold member
    January 28, 2007

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    Ok, You're Fierce!

    Wow, this is brilliant and immersed in brilliance! God, i'm so happy that I entered your contest now I have another great poet...To read!

    yeap, I'm impressed too!

    LL

    • marrow
      January 28, 2007
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      wow, thank you very much for your comment!
      truly appreciated and beautiful, it was.
      j


  • grassisgreener
    January 28, 2007

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    "latitude and longitude
    is sprawled across my face"
    i don't know if you were doing this with an accent, which in the first two lines, by the way, struck me dead. such a unique way of describing love. but I think these two lines in particular might sound better if you say them as "latitude and longitude/sprawl across my face"

    this poem just might be one of the closest to heart pieces I have ever read. I am dumbstruck.

    • marrow
      January 28, 2007
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      wow, thank you very much! i love your suggestion, and it reads much better. i'll be changing that. thank you.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    January 28, 2007
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    my favorite.

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