You placed a song upon your lips && let me kiss it free
&&Like the dregs of your dreams it lingers over me
I Will [never forget] The Crystal Crisp Skies
Our Morning Breath As The Moonlight Dies
You give me your tales of lost love, found hate,
While we stay up together [we stay up too late]
Lips on lips, skin on skin, I suck your poison, [forgive our sins]
Fairytales run hollow, they're never worth our hope,
Baby come what may, we'll find some way to cope
With dolls and kisses, crosses and wishes
Twists and turns, your skirt's subtle swishes
You thought so long, you thought so hard
They might save your little girl from these mirror shards
Lips on lips, skin on skin, I suck your poison, [forgive our sins]
Hold my hand, stroke my hair,
[don’t lie to me, just pretend you care]
I know I’m nothing, I know I’m no-one
But I can’t forget you && your fun
Dirty-pretty, silent nights,
Keep me alive, shine the light,
[[Babyy, Just For Tonight.]]
For.Give.My.Sin.
Author notes
Yeah... so me and my friend are starting a band. I tried to write some lyrics, instead of just a poem. This is what came out. Any good as a song?
Oh, and I know the title needs work. I suck at titles.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I think it would sound okay as a song. I can kind of hear it in my head now, as I just reread it, and... yeah.
I really like the way you offset the words, then drew my attention at the end with the barracades around the second to last line and the last line almost seems like you're meant to say it in one breath.
I really like this poem.
A great job. -
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Thanks sweets. =]
Noise&&Kisses
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A band eh? Good job.
"While we stay up together [we stay up too late]"
--I love this line ... it's real. Oh it's true.
"Lips on lips, skin on skin, I suck your poison, [forgive our sins]"
--this I see as the one-lined chorus as it's repeated ... intimate and beautiful. The ONLY line I didn't particularly like was:
"But I can’t forget you && your fun"
--just because it seemed to be forced to rhyme with one. But hey, the rest is pretty fucking awesome. I wish you well in your new adventure of musicianship.
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Yeah, I agree on that line. I'll probably work out something better soon. And thank yarr.
Noise&&Kisses
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you.never.cease.to.amaze.me. Angelface.
i loooove yoooou!
♥
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=] I loveyarr.
Noise&&Kisses
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"You thought so long, you thought so hard
They might save your little girl from these mirror shards"
"Hold my hand, stroke my hair,
[don’t lie to me, just pretend you care]"
I love it to pieces. Your band's gonna kick ass, so remember me when you're famous, alright love?
♥♥♥[ms.oblivion]
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How could I ever forget you, sweets?
Noise&&Kisses
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