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We, You, And I (Under Construction)

We delight in one another's company
We love as lovers do
We bask in each others presence
And ever seek to pursue

You compliment me in all ways possible
You catch me when I fall
I would do all the same for you
I would be there when you call

Author notes

9/8/09 This was written almost 2.5 years ago. Now under construction.


I'm really suffering from writers block. I seriously had to force this little write out of me. It took me about 30-40 minutes just to write this. That's crazy. I don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions?

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Comments


  • MissStranger
    March 25, 2007

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    hmmm...I was just wondering around the site and i found you on Mr.C's page and I confess that your nickname rocks! this poem caught my attention because I've read so many with this particular title and I was curious to see what you've came up with! a sugestion would be to use punctuation because even if the poem is simple, it adds a lot to the rhythm and gives that continuity in ideas and struucture need it to keep the reader focused. hmmmm...i must confess that the vocabulary here lacks that partuicular power ususally given by methaphors or some abstract concepts.when you want to express feeling try to hide them a bit behind analogies and SUGEST them instead of showing.use words that in appearence say so many yet they leave a lot of open doors for the reader to interpret it through hiw personal perspective.the repetitions used here "I/I...you/you...we/we" have no effect whatsoever and they work so much better in a longer poem or at least if your experimenting a twist of idea within the lines,something to surprise the reader with.but despite all the title says a lot in here and suits perfecty with the rest: stands itself as a methaphor for "a writer's block" keep up and be creative!
    P.S: poets are very fortunate creatures because they afford this luxury(though embarrasing I admitt) imagine what a surgeon feels,he definatly cannot afford having "a surgeon's block" )


    • Dreamer With Dreams silver member
      March 25, 2007
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      Thanks so much for your helpful critiques! I wrote this while trying to get rid of my writer's block so I know it's not very good. But I will try to revise it in the near future.


  • Poetress52 gold member
    February 25, 2007
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    Beautiful

    Beautiful write, warm and heartfelt, nice flow thanks for sharing


  • Mr C
    January 28, 2007
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    Very sweet.....sometimes it is hard to write. What you have to remember is a lot of people work on stuff for hours....I write everything in about 5 mins flat!...it'll come back again. You need a rest every now and then before you can become inspired.

    Write a poem about something you like.