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Crushed

You wonder why I'm crushed,
  Crushed beacause my heart is broken
  Crushed because I miss someone
    Crushed because I am alone.
      Alone in the dark.
          The pain I can't handle.
            Crushed,
                  Crushed

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

  • Diatribes
    November 4, 2007

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    Sucks to be so fragile.
    If only to have skin of stone and a heart of iron, the world wouldn't be so harsh.


  • Amera gold member
    January 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is great! The imagery went right to my soul not just because of the words, the structure is powerful. Nice work! My suggestion is to take out all the punctuation; your flow is good enough that you don’t need it and it detracts from the structure. You’re getting better. Amera