He stumbles I freeze
He breathes I stop Breathing
He puts a ring on my Finger I try to say no but he pushes me to say yes
He pushes me on the bed
He has me screaming for life
I shake Knowing that im dying
Bleeding eternally I slide my way over to what seems like life
Its him
HE breathes I stop
He takes the knife out the drawer
Im screaming for life screaming for my baby
Im dying
Author notes
my crazy- ex Option 3
A contest entry
- Sad Dark Depressing...... by Ntagatf.
400 points, ended February 23, 2007, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - do you spank dollies? by PorcelainDollies.
300 points, ended March 10, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love is the slowest form of suicide... by Yours-To-Have.
500 points, ended March 22, 2007, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark, Love, Fantasy? by --Beautiful--.
550 points, ended February 18, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - IV Prewrites! by Lj-.
345 points, ended February 18, 2007, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of options by Kevan.
480 points, ended February 22, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - insomnia&&prettylies. by Zombie-x.
450 points, ended February 23, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Random by Nut Bag.
525 points, ended February 27, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Poetry. by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
375 points, ended May 6, 2007, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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powerfull,sad but a great write xx
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Very vivid. A bit scary to imagine.
Nicely done.
Thank you for your entry,
Good luck!
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Wow this is so powerful yet very sad. I hate the idea of a man like you wrote of in this poem. I got a weird feeling while i was reading it that maybe this HE you spoke of was something inside you, you were fighting...maybe that is really deep and i was reading it wrong but very good and sad and men should never do that!! Please take time to look at my rules though thank you for joining my contest and good luck!
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Sorry. I like your poem, but i don't see what it has to do with suicide. This seems more like murder to me. I like it alot, but some of the capitlization is wrong. Commas could make it better too. Please message me if you would like to explain more.
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right now..
my honest opinion is that i dont see the relation between your poem and dolls. i will give you one chance to message me and tell me how you feel this connects, otherwise you will not be chosen for a finalist. however i was interested in you style of writing, a slight bit emo which you should work on.
you got 5 days -
wow...im speachless! this is a very good write, very strong. keep writing!
XxX
~Kaela -
WOW!!!! very powerful
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