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like water & light in my hand

Missing image




at times it comes back -


in my palms I hold
the finch eggs
of your eyes,

and with fingers mute,
try to unweave you
from the wickerwork
of white-coated voices,
the flat horizons of heart
monitors and the grass
sting of death;

my hand hushed, and still
on your shoulder,
rooted in the silence
of the inexpressible:

call your brother and sisters

in the presence of shadows
I touched you in the sea
rippling out to the sun,
in the dust of the Little Karoo
clinging to your footsteps,
in the wind, blue and old,
and in the water and the light


in my hand

 

 

 

 

 

 





 

Author notes

In loving memory of my father, Arnold de Jager: Dec. 7, 1934 ~ April 23, 1999. My mother, brother and I were there when he died - my 3 sisters missed saying goodbye to him with 15 minutes.

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Comments

1 - 49 of 49
  • I spent some time with this...then quietly sifting down through the comments.
    This line grips and doesn't let go:
    "...my hand hushed, and still
    on your shoulder,
    rooted in the silence
    of the inexpressible:"

    I know this moment.

    Taking nothing away from your mother of course, but I can see your father's features in you Nic.




    Paul


    • Nicolette gold member
      May 14
      Edit | Reply
      yes, i look after my father (well, more). thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for the lovely comment, Paul


  • Mari Goes gold member
    December 1, 2008

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    This is so very touching Nic
    Your feelings are on every line, the 'saudade' and love you feel...

  • Nicolette gold member
    November 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you, Frans... for making me smile too. Ja, hy was 'n hardegat, lol, met 'n klein hartjie - en 'n platjie ook. Dankie vir die terugloop deur gisters... ja ons mis hulle.


  • FransB gold member
    November 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I feel honoured to have read this poem. I also journeyed through the comments - how complimentary they are to this poem - there words strengthen your write. I am sure that your father would have loved this [harde-gat or not]. You seem a beautiful family - he for sure was proud of you all. Thank you for allowing me to know [some of ]you through this wonderful poem, and for tonight's memories of parents who I so often miss. Frans


  • Heart Sutra
    February 15, 2007

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    Your attention to detail with the finch eggs, voices, sea and calling to one's children to come...ah, those moments, so touching and heartfelt. I admire how you can form these permenant feelings of loss and facing the unknown into a poem.


    • Nicolette gold member
      February 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Zayra - some moments are inscribed on our eyes and soul

  • grm
    February 1, 2007

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    just absolutely beautiful...
    all i can do is stand quietly, hands clasped, head bowed.

  • Son of Jim
    February 1, 2007

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    so much symbolism where to begin; finch egg eyes, white-coated voices; great images. Hushed and muted hands and fingers because a touch says so much. Death in shadows. Flat horizon of the heart is for sure my favorite line, you have eclipsed yourself for me, what an amazing poem.
    Jim


    • Nicolette gold member
      February 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Jim. There are actually so many images but somehow these are the ones that stayed with me.


    • Nicolette gold member
      February 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much, Jim - you are most kind ~


  • tanzanite
    February 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh Nicolette, this was beautiful. We feel and experience a person in different places that signify their spirit to us and you expressed this so well. He must have been a wonderful person. Thank you for sharing this with us. Hugs.

    • Nicolette gold member
      February 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, my friend. My father was "hard-headed" and "soft-hearted" - jy weet die hardegat met die sagte hart!

  • momentarylapse
    January 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    touching.made me smile and shed a tear at the same time.


  • klassy lassy
    January 30, 2007

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    Beautiful, dear Nicolette. There is almost a surreal feeling to hospital lights, white coats, the professional voices of hospital personnel and the monitors.

    Knowing that goodbye is imminent is the unspeakable silence we would will away. I love the sweet lines of familiar things at the end of your poem.


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Karen...there is so much one can say about the last touch, but I'm happy how this one turned out


  • Watuwant silver member
    January 29, 2007

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    Soulful

    I touching tribute for your father, and family, Nicolette, and one that moves the reader as well. I too was with my father when he passed, as well as my grandfather and brother. It is never easy, yet I bless the opportunity to have been there with them. As you do here, so beautifully and eloquently.
    peace
    doug


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Doug - yes, I too am thankful for the opportunity for having been there for a last touch.


  • leander Moderators member
    January 29, 2007

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    A very touching and beautiful poem you have written to honor your father sweet friend. I can imagine how difficult it is to write such personal pieces


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, leander - it's been quite a few years already, but in a way these things stay with us.


  • poet2angels gold member
    January 29, 2007

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    Excellent

    Poetry this personal is so hard to write, isn't it?
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the midst of darkness watching someone that I adore face what could be her last days, and thought there was no way I could write a poem in this state of mind...but poets have the ability to escape if only for the time it takes to write a poem...I feel fortunate to have seen this contest and read some of the poems entered into it, including yours....
    Such a beautiful and passionate piece...

    Lynda

    • Nicolette gold member
      January 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Lynda, thank you very much for the kind words. Yes, it is difficult but it does get a little easier after a few years...but somehow it still lingers - always. Best wishes


  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    January 28, 2007
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    Sweetheart, this is from that place where those of us who have either experienced this or those of us who are about to experience this have been. My arms are open. Know that I'm circling you there now. Love you sweeety.

    ~Lyrical


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      And my arms are around you too, my friend - especially now... . Thank you..


  • misselaineous
    January 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is lovely
    i don't have the words to say how it touched me

  • Rowan gold member
    January 28, 2007

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    So Beautiful

    This is touches me with so many different emotions.
    Your words always become more than words; a soft voice that deeply resonates all on its own; enriched with the right amount of color and poignancy. This is a beautiful tribute. Excellent.

    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Kathleen...and you are always so generous. It was my father who inspired me to start writing poetry when I was in high school...and then I stopped writing for many, many years...and here I am again writing about him too


  • Ladybug
    January 28, 2007

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    what month is 23? this is remarkable as the resembalance i see you favor your father with the strong features in the face. I can't say enough about the beautiful poem for I just buried my Mom's husband last month (not my dad).
    this is so good. I just don't have the right adverb to express for it.

    Tamara

    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Tamara. In South Africa we write the day, then the month, then the year - so the 23 is the 23rd April ~

  • mimiagatha
    January 28, 2007

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    saying it with all those words which many try to say and few succeed to express, saying it with love in a never ending ripening cycle, enchanting in its sorrowful way


  • kaibab silver member
    January 28, 2007
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    So incredibly spiritual...and such a picture of your family...I see such color explode you longing to gather in elegance to wish to tell him...his little girl did love him so much...and always will...just beautiful Nic...


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
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      Thank you, Rich...in the end we are always someone's child - even when we have our own children ~


  • quietly burning
    January 28, 2007

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    I bet this is one that you've always wanted to write. very touching, beautiful, meaningful poetry that will ripple out towards the sun and after that, to all the stars

    magnificent


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
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      Yes, you're right...I've always wanted to write this one - even when it is a little late... Thank you, bokkie

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    January 28, 2007

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    Dearest Nicolette,I am a fool,I just read this without a box of tissues handy and yet I know you have this capacity to engender tears not by wounding but by the beauty within your words,always,always there is beauty gently woven within your pain and my dear you belong on the top shelf of my bookcase with two other ladies within in my heart-space,Hellen Keller and Maya Angelou.Your poem is felt beyond the words I have within me...

    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yvette...thank you, dear friend. To be on that heart-shelf of yours is an honour indeed. I guess I'm in a melancholy mood but there was so much beauty in my childhood...and even on the day he died. One has to write the beauty and the love...


  • Dienush
    January 28, 2007

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    This poem is as original and as softly put together as your other poetry, Nicolette, and it has all qualities I appreciate in a poem. It also has a lot of emotional impact. There are so many elements in this poem that I get lost in their beauty. As for the picture, is that your family? It is a very peaceful sight.

    ~Diana


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the kind word, Diana - yes that is my family - many years ago


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    January 27, 2007

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    in the wind, blue and free,
    and in the water and the light


    in my hand

    that ..that there, is profoundly.. moving if you let the image rest like a reflection, like a slight bit of air as it moves past to some unknown.. unseen destination..

    like the sky as it tips over the horizon in an endless stream of light..

    that....just that alone..


    • Nicolette gold member
      January 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, Liza...I only saw your second comment now. I'm glad you liked the last few lines and of course your poetic eye picked up on the essence of "the water and the light in my hand"....lost but always with me... Thank you, poetess


  • Saint Merman
    January 27, 2007

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    My Condolences

    Yes, Nicolette, our most vivid thoughts come from the ones we love, especially when it's so difficult to lose them...
    Lovely work, Nicolette, just lovely. Good luck in the contest...

    Jay

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    January 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful

    you handle a difficult subject ...very well.. in spite of the sadness in this, in the images .. of something so personally our own... yet entirely universal (in that we all lose our parents..) .. in spite of that, this reads like a hush, a whisper of ..reverence and perhaps ..peace..

    best of luck!


  • Night Hope gold member
    January 27, 2007

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    "in the presence of shadows
    I touched you in the sea
    rippling out to the sun"

    Sighhh...How mournfully beautiful & loving this is, my dear Friend...How very respectful & profound...It's a gorgeous penning, my Sister of the Soul...He's smiling down upon you as you write...My condolences for your loss, Sweetie...But I'm so happy you had him at all...Good luck in Z's contest...

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