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The big Freeze

Missing image

The bitter cold last winter brought

A lesson that so well was taught,

And in the silence of the night

'Twas for my sanity I fought.

 

One  candle left, it burned so bright

It filled the cabin with strange light,

And voices whispered on the breeze,

I feared my mind would  take to flight.

 

For weeks trapped there within that freeze,

All that was left, dried bread and cheese,

My love she slept, so pale of face,

And still those voices in the trees.

 

The wind now rose to tempest's pace

And of the track there was no trace,

As blizzard's fury swirled around,

Now everything it would erase.

 

The fear I felt was most profound;

I watched her sleep without a sound,

The candle flickered, and it died,

Beside my love I then lay down.

 

Then in the dark she softly sighed.

Those voices now were right outside,

Are you there Tom? I heard the call,

And it was then a big man cried,

 

And it was then a big man cried.

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • HerbalGoat
    February 15, 2007
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    This is a very interesting piece. I like your concept and feel in the poem. I checked out the other contest you have entered in with this poem, and seeing what was required of you, you did well. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • Wandika gold member
    January 31, 2007

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    Beautiful story

    It is a wonderful story poetically written. A joy to read. I love counts of eight (two of four). It is a style I prefer to write in. Good luck in the contest Di.

    Jim


  • LoveNeverDies
    January 31, 2007

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    Awwwwwwwwwww

    It was a really sweet poem with an awesome ryme scheme i really like it and the words you used were simply great the fit in perfectally!!!

    great work it was awesome


  • Elfin
    January 31, 2007

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    AAAAAwwwwwwww

    I have read so many of your poems now that I have run out of fresh words to say, so I apologise for repeating myself but this is so so lovely.
    Di,I am feeling guilty about using up your points, would you please write a crap poem then I would have something to critique.LOL
    Well done my dear friend, you are the best.Val


  • Wildequill
    January 31, 2007

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    Another classic. These reverberates with the intensity of the moment, shakes with old-world charm and tragedy. Bravisimo!


  • ZorroTheFox silver member
    January 29, 2007
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    this was interesting, keep up the great work.


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    January 29, 2007

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    Just when you think you have heard them all..another one comes to work my brain. This is a great style and I really loved the poem.
    Good Luck
    Soulful Woman


  • toots
    January 29, 2007
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    Wicked nice

    First...the rhyming pattern, wicked cool. I'm gonna have to try this out for myself...right after I read the contest rules and get the hang of it.

    Second...your subject and wording is fantastic.

    Good luck in the contest!


  • nichtmich silver member
    January 29, 2007

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    Exquisite

    Simply stated and shows us a simple, yet deceptively profound message. Your mastery of the rhyme is amazing, no forced words or straining or dillution of the poem's meaning. It makes me think of our pioneering ancestors and the dangers they endured that are almost unimaginable today. No critiques here, just kudos to you. Best wishes in the comp


  • Swtpoetryman
    January 28, 2007

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    A FINE QUATRAIN, INDEED!

    This flowed quite well and nearly as perfectly as Robert Frost's STOPPING BY WOODS ON A SNOWY EVENING. I don't thhink I've ever tried a quatrin before BUT after reading this I may try to do a few to see how they come out! Thanks SO MUCH for featuring this and GOOD LUCK in the contest with it!
    Peace & Love!
    Earl.


  • faderman1959
    January 28, 2007

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    Di I have never seen this form before but I really like it! Your poem was terrific! The metaphors in this were wonderful! They gave the poem a magical feel. Great write Di!

  • nikki4
    January 28, 2007

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    the pic really helps the second verse
    the bit where it say beside my love i then lay down is my favourite


  • Whoochi gold member
    January 28, 2007
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    Its me....

    Thanks this hits home.....

  • luvdrkchocolate
    January 28, 2007

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    Wow. This is a pretty cool poem that you have here. You do such a good job of the rhyming in this. I don't do so well at it but I mostly write in free verse. Yours seems like you work very hard on it and it turned out well. I liked the story in it too. It sounded like a tale you might tell around a campfire to scare people. You did a good job of expressing yourself.


  • bluejeans51
    January 28, 2007
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    I really liked the way you wrote this. Good luck in the contest.

  • piccola silver member
    January 28, 2007

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    This is great..more than great, it's wonderful. I love the images the poetry brought forth and the art you chose to put with it...just supburb.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    January 28, 2007
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    My first inpression of this is that it is pretty darned good - maybe a couple of places where the flow juddered a little, running up against the form, but toherwise firm and solid poetry. Best of luck in the contest.


  • crimson rose 247
    January 28, 2007
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    I bow at this entry! am in love with it,
    thank you for placing such care in words,and in depiction. I adore how you unfolded the story in front of my eyes and did it with such subtle grace.
    good luck in this comeptition, and thnak you for your grand write.


  • Brazos silver member
    January 27, 2007

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    Superb

    I thought that if you had stopped with the first four lines [stanza], that would ge plenty, certainly enough for me. But, you continued, much to my everlasting joy!

    And, by the way, I am a big man who has been forced to cry a lot in his life....

    You are too good for me, MB, but I will carry a song for you in my heart forever, you are quite simply the best, there are none better, no matter how far back you go. Thank you for the inspiration and the devotion, you make me better than what I really am.

    Brazos


  • Tirrell
    January 27, 2007

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    The Cosmic Fabric Of Beauty

    This is quite a beautiful form. And the story woven here within the subtle lines is an intoxication of my senses. This has had me read it four or five times at least. I loved it.
    And the tremendous impact of the repeated last line in the finish was supurb. How do you always manage to capture an image of the beautiful?
    I love this and plan to book mark it.
    Nice interlocking effect, gave this a dignified air that hooked me through to the finish. Wonderful verses,
    though there is not one line that I find better than the rest, for they are perfection. I simply love the whole poem.--Robert


  • suseann
    January 27, 2007
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    Very interesting formed verse.Unique in it's voice and you seem to of mastered it's challenges well.It's chilling tale of isolation and the coldness of the Wintery abyss spoke in ghostly sounds.~~Suseann

  • Liquid memories
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great Job

    Loved this and enjoyed the story. Touching and so human, and showing how really frail we are. Jules.

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